tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5520969493676729412024-03-05T23:32:54.951-06:00FINDING LANAFinding Lana is a personal account of a beautiful life even with serious health struggles. I openly share my past & present experiences while attending the University of Life. Join me. My writings combine present day happenings with old journal entries. For those of you with chronic illness, pain or disease, then you will probably relate, even if your condition is not similar, the human condition is often identical. Now, GO CONQUER!Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.comBlogger144125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-47473496576997309662022-08-31T15:41:00.006-05:002022-08-31T15:41:49.608-05:00# 149 LIVING MOMENT-BY-MOMENT<p> I now have a new computer and am thrilled because my others had given me headaches when trying to write and post.</p><p>Things are changing in this part of my teeny world since I've finally purchased and am using my first MacBook Pro. I'm now on a steep learning curve and often veer off path as I try to figure out this new existence sans a PC.</p><p></p><p>As for living with Addison's, this year we've jumped back into traveling with an effort far bigger than a splash. I'll be sharing how we've experienced beautiful travels as Addison's is a concern along the way.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmZ_Vp2TZ35YWQSB56DMIYavPFEr_jjblPnZhZZdqdIR2L9VkFm4DNp3xQTh0nfKuIRtbHlsuMmuu5F9QBLWIJXmdF2dGPXr_BQsdu2gdOsgMW6CRATF_WI_fEBS3qC4_X4sA0jK0Zln3qFblIyQBzyNKvPDM2NOWLQnxegfgurMUE9SLxQ58GJCSToQ/s4032/8EA0735B-066C-42B8-AFFC-E8ADC6DFAE2E.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmZ_Vp2TZ35YWQSB56DMIYavPFEr_jjblPnZhZZdqdIR2L9VkFm4DNp3xQTh0nfKuIRtbHlsuMmuu5F9QBLWIJXmdF2dGPXr_BQsdu2gdOsgMW6CRATF_WI_fEBS3qC4_X4sA0jK0Zln3qFblIyQBzyNKvPDM2NOWLQnxegfgurMUE9SLxQ58GJCSToQ/s320/8EA0735B-066C-42B8-AFFC-E8ADC6DFAE2E.heic" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Nana & Pappy on another cruise to the Western Caribbean this summer.</div><p>No matter, for 2022, I've enjoyed beautiful days of immense adventure and other bed-ridden days where I'm content to binge some series on Netflix or Hulu. On the difficult days, I struggle, but I constantly make peace with my day-to-day physical limitation.</p><p>Adaptation is key to living a great life with Addison's or with any physical condition that demands your attention, whether it be sudden or a snowball sort of attention-grabbing health issues.</p><p>The days when there are only slight taps on the shoulder, "Excuse me, could you spare me a brief moment so we can avoid the brick wall ahead," are the best kinds. On those days, you're in tune with your body, and no sneaky-fox Addison's symptoms are pouncing upon you.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOigoDqRnrax-NJ1Tdf7gqET4mTogfJA_5KjhkCAAOu_1HRWak4T0fBKE9wqEJFGP_87-aIoxWGu0T8bajYn6Z7oknkocYpAovxh9uCOHLwvx60t4HOYrQcQlcWW0sENFgR0ytuV8b6hTeYD-a86uQ_7_13wLM-jXr-LfOBojLy88T_5ARc5z13IF8Rg/s3088/6F92C770-DB1C-4C13-A3D6-5BA88899527A_1_201_a.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="1972" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOigoDqRnrax-NJ1Tdf7gqET4mTogfJA_5KjhkCAAOu_1HRWak4T0fBKE9wqEJFGP_87-aIoxWGu0T8bajYn6Z7oknkocYpAovxh9uCOHLwvx60t4HOYrQcQlcWW0sENFgR0ytuV8b6hTeYD-a86uQ_7_13wLM-jXr-LfOBojLy88T_5ARc5z13IF8Rg/s320/6F92C770-DB1C-4C13-A3D6-5BA88899527A_1_201_a.heic" width="204" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Here I am at the start of summer at 54. No makeup.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just me with my art supplies.</div><p>Traveling can be a challenging time when you have Addison's, but I don't let it hold me back, until it actually pulls me down and my moment of choice has altered to a moment of adapting to what I MUST do to get through the worst of it.</p><p>I take decent care of myself, and I don't hold back seizing the day. And yes, that means confronting my health needs, being prepared, listening to my body, and knowing when to stop seizing and to instead wave the little white flag.</p><p>On the white flag days, I make a hasty retreat to climb into bed and allow my body to do the dance of calming rest.</p><p>I've lived with Addison's a long time and have had a rather joyful existence despite very critical times... a broken neck and other multiple surgeries that were about as high on a surgical-risk scale as you can get for a normal, healthy person, but I got through them with Addison's. </p><p>There have been illnesses and heart-wrenching deaths of people I most loved, and I figured out how to get through it all... with Addison's pouncing on my devastated state of existence. Staying on top of my blood pressure, heart rate, medicine, and it can be a juggling act. Times of loss can make it extremely difficult to manage Addison's. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBhxb3gdDQ0_6b30ZIZ1R2YwC6uc_7YlIFcqCRJF1a31_B2h1M-vfZ_c8gWd8-vJKRA_3tI6HlgAQT_wl-b7ZEpbblE_rzUaH5UaJZmky-Guy9Spok-t8INcvffhI6__FPzbdTlGPBmsMnWKbsbMreiVGlhRUI7gfxYNN9blDlQf4zujEPR-OH6xoKhA/s3285/0AE7A91A-0956-4F8E-A299-EF926E873565_1_201_a.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="3285" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBhxb3gdDQ0_6b30ZIZ1R2YwC6uc_7YlIFcqCRJF1a31_B2h1M-vfZ_c8gWd8-vJKRA_3tI6HlgAQT_wl-b7ZEpbblE_rzUaH5UaJZmky-Guy9Spok-t8INcvffhI6__FPzbdTlGPBmsMnWKbsbMreiVGlhRUI7gfxYNN9blDlQf4zujEPR-OH6xoKhA/s320/0AE7A91A-0956-4F8E-A299-EF926E873565_1_201_a.heic" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">We all walked to a special spot in Texas to spread my father's ashes. With my mother's.</div><div style="text-align: center;">That's Coco, his oldest great-grandchild walking in front of me.</div><p></p><p>In 2020, I lost my father, and I will admit that the year that followed his death put a strain upon my body as never before. His passing caused extreme stress, which made managing Addison's a warring time for my body.</p><p>There were many months when I had trouble walking... forget stairs... and I lived with nausea. I did take stress doses, but there is no easy way around the ups and downs that come with profound loss. It was an Addison's nightmare that I did my best to handle without adding stress upon others, but it was probably the most dangerous phase for me, other than my surgeries.</p><p>Dad is now with Mom who died in 2006 at 57-years-old due to breast cancer. Dad was 74, and I had selfishly wanted more time with him. He went to Italy shortly before he passed, spending a good deal of time there. I'm glad he did so much in life, but he's now moved to a new address in Heaven, again with so many people he loved. </p><p>I'll write more about his passing later because my long-time readers know of my closeness with my father. I have been blessed.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKvadC-MUBWReO86IOI4smx_WFD8ERB4AZmlqbajzMSwyXKWqJfKz39KC5PYVwe2SWQeq4p7YOyQS-bq1NQ9zXrWhQqGggvRF-TmT5ctf-70NGcWjGPCG6fujSNbuYtrqbCJHeAU5HsDPCmT0iNglMrWSHrO_vlc9F2LoTFBooxjWgSFoNUjC6S7Jpjw/s866/11B2044E-A755-4C77-B977-DB202FFA8700_1_201_a.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="691" data-original-width="866" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKvadC-MUBWReO86IOI4smx_WFD8ERB4AZmlqbajzMSwyXKWqJfKz39KC5PYVwe2SWQeq4p7YOyQS-bq1NQ9zXrWhQqGggvRF-TmT5ctf-70NGcWjGPCG6fujSNbuYtrqbCJHeAU5HsDPCmT0iNglMrWSHrO_vlc9F2LoTFBooxjWgSFoNUjC6S7Jpjw/s320/11B2044E-A755-4C77-B977-DB202FFA8700_1_201_a.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">My mom and dad when we lived in Scotland. I took this picture of them.</div><p>But the good days give me reason to savor each second of treasured vibrancy, whether it be from a sedentary position or with me dancing in celebration. I go with what I'm given. </p><p>I barter with my body. I know, for the most part, about the precarious give-and-take relationship I share within it. If I don't listen to my body's needs as it carries a passenger I must address, then that passenger, Addison's, will rule the day... and perhaps more.</p><p>To get to my next best day, I've got to listen to the passenger inside. I have to stay on top of things to keep it quiet and satisfied. Sometimes it makes demands upon me that I cannot overrule, and this is when adapting is the key to living a great life. I refuse to hand over more than is absolutely necessary to this passenger.</p><p>That means I don't let Addison's own me. I refuse to let it hold my life hostage. When strong, energetic days are presented, I don't question it. On those days, I get into the highest gear allowed and tackle as much as I can for as long as I can.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgy41xoAnCda5L3cEscx0WtEpuLBAKYi8DyAedIccr6sJFryHxdXYoZXFEjPyjFA0gHU_DuUGR20kd-HL4UhVldsqkbv7snTmfed8NGH1BEjnyKrcN5x7Cq5g4Dxts0NjCjhmQgTXo0Y32Eu6AH-8XuyHo5Lqf-H7ut-RvzV0fNicYCPQGNmFElKIGHw/s3876/494DBACA-720B-4920-ACEF-B9ABBA128201_1_201_a.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3876" data-original-width="2505" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgy41xoAnCda5L3cEscx0WtEpuLBAKYi8DyAedIccr6sJFryHxdXYoZXFEjPyjFA0gHU_DuUGR20kd-HL4UhVldsqkbv7snTmfed8NGH1BEjnyKrcN5x7Cq5g4Dxts0NjCjhmQgTXo0Y32Eu6AH-8XuyHo5Lqf-H7ut-RvzV0fNicYCPQGNmFElKIGHw/s320/494DBACA-720B-4920-ACEF-B9ABBA128201_1_201_a.heic" width="207" /></a></div><p style="text-align: center;">Pappy with our two oldest grandsons & Nyms.</p><p>With Addison's, you never know how the next day might go, so when the good days come, you make it work for you. Those are often catch-up days. Those are the days when I am enthusiastic yet a microscopic part of me yearns for the pre-Addison days when I hadn't known high gear would become a rarity.</p><p>These days, I have leveled-out, for the most part. I do not have many high-gear days nor too many days of feeling dissolved, but both kinds of days do make their respective appearances here and there. </p><p>The "walking through mud" sensation I began having when Addison's decided I was a prime vehicle for it to hitch a lifelong ride in... that sensation is still with me, more or less. Depending on the day, there is either thick mud I must press and battle to wade through with each step or there are energetic days when it's easier to move, but the mud then can fall upon me from the Heavens, threatening to press me to the ground. </p><p>Having Addison's is indescribable, but when my blood pressure and electrolytes go out of whack, I can feel like a rag doll surrounded by mud. That's the best way I can describe it.</p><p>Sometimes my symptoms are in check with treatment and are barely noticeable, but I've never had a day when the disease is completely absent. And yes, I have to turn down more invitations than I'd like. I have to ration my energy. For me, it is more than a precious commodity.</p><p>If I want to show true love for my family, I've got to be real with my limitations yet not use the disease to bail out of life. The stressful things do take a toll, that's the entire nature of Addison's, yet I have to decide how much of a toll I can manage with medication.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1dMmwa6ZVTIT9zXSthChaYGKkPwpd-Z3XgRPJ_FQgrMtAG1y85u6J8UTRJJauMxKY7EUgQCKq8ESCH9rAKrUlCc5k9KpJ7JhX3g-oZ7juPHyM1TmOWyam7vkMQJE95vEcrOSJ2KYomg5JwvPhweqxZ8Jb8ak9QI4_njvjLNRZL-XtS7iJPdPylIBg0A/s4032/12B7B697-532A-49BD-8374-B7937FEECD8F.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1dMmwa6ZVTIT9zXSthChaYGKkPwpd-Z3XgRPJ_FQgrMtAG1y85u6J8UTRJJauMxKY7EUgQCKq8ESCH9rAKrUlCc5k9KpJ7JhX3g-oZ7juPHyM1TmOWyam7vkMQJE95vEcrOSJ2KYomg5JwvPhweqxZ8Jb8ak9QI4_njvjLNRZL-XtS7iJPdPylIBg0A/s320/12B7B697-532A-49BD-8374-B7937FEECD8F.heic" width="240" /></a></div><p style="text-align: center;">On a recent cruise in May. At the "no choice" phase. I had to rest.</p><p>Sometimes I appear normal looking on the outside, and then I'll have a day when strangers reach out to ask if I'm okay or their eyes hesitate upon me for too long as their expressions reveal concern. Boy, I don't like those days.</p><p>My grown daughters understand that my body requires more rest than it once did, and they're totally onboard with normalizing my normal, and I love their own adaptability. I have daughters who are now amazing women, wonderful mothers, and we all treasure one another.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheU1kK_RDK3uFUGhCItIk9GErRmfnq6KNnGhUV6qR1IDZtm0MPihuTcwaUA0b-EVSy1kMFIKUbZWUkkUv0cfQPh161L1osOdyx2HUGIUTnc6aIN8bFYIufkRis3rcRSIv3arwCCkFvadRN-zxqNosouhCPF3Tr8TV6X4KwI8uT12neGUvqI-cEeke5KQ/s3259/538BDD97-7E9B-42D6-89B4-870BD6ADFD1C.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2867" data-original-width="3259" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheU1kK_RDK3uFUGhCItIk9GErRmfnq6KNnGhUV6qR1IDZtm0MPihuTcwaUA0b-EVSy1kMFIKUbZWUkkUv0cfQPh161L1osOdyx2HUGIUTnc6aIN8bFYIufkRis3rcRSIv3arwCCkFvadRN-zxqNosouhCPF3Tr8TV6X4KwI8uT12neGUvqI-cEeke5KQ/s320/538BDD97-7E9B-42D6-89B4-870BD6ADFD1C.heic" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">With my oldest daughter, Heather. </div><div><div style="text-align: center;">I can't put into words what she means to my heart and soul.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxO1Fv6UYV2r6c-PTPJ3lcDgmM06Xf9sIGQ5iuvLKlBUkTtLahJlbHIPECG0aQkFVYLJnUeEc9nVmxT3IkrDgivggFz_oQMQZyu39hnWyGddx2rlKkzFDRafRhoxGFLbast4aDEB3cCVv2OOJkCLidZRCgcZ7KHZuzONPC5Fub2Ap9AWtkJYesUEKFbw/s3264/85D980DC-54B5-4313-B43B-2B937A157291.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2889" data-original-width="3264" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxO1Fv6UYV2r6c-PTPJ3lcDgmM06Xf9sIGQ5iuvLKlBUkTtLahJlbHIPECG0aQkFVYLJnUeEc9nVmxT3IkrDgivggFz_oQMQZyu39hnWyGddx2rlKkzFDRafRhoxGFLbast4aDEB3cCVv2OOJkCLidZRCgcZ7KHZuzONPC5Fub2Ap9AWtkJYesUEKFbw/s320/85D980DC-54B5-4313-B43B-2B937A157291.heic" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">We can never make it through photos without cracking up.</div><p>Regardless of what each day holds, I keep wading through the mud on the days when it is all but a brick wall, and I must battle to get to the bathroom. And like I said earlier, sometimes the mud moves from in front of me, changing consistency and coming at me from a new direction... falling upon me, like an invisible light rain that isn't actually light. It is pressing. It's a strange resistance when our body is affected by the worst of Addison's.</p><p>And as I age, now in my fabulous fifties, I find some things are harder because of Addison's, but the strange thing is that a lot of things are easier. Living with this passenger for over two decades has taught me valuable lessons. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihU-07SkI6CFLMSkznj-40xGC2bTbnojjs6n7Pwuy_VdeiNWryoWLFk4bL1yvO3d3WyPQe-1eRXnYOSu0_Og3Oi_pJY4lS4EelXepp_ebY7M_b0to1nK7oMMztnUG5RQmLVETliR3ayAkkU2G6rR1S4N37wnd5stPcfkc4p_37h-Hg5YHLsS_NkyJxSA/s4032/B2A8652B-EDA4-4E0D-B48A-882D76AC2BDD.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihU-07SkI6CFLMSkznj-40xGC2bTbnojjs6n7Pwuy_VdeiNWryoWLFk4bL1yvO3d3WyPQe-1eRXnYOSu0_Og3Oi_pJY4lS4EelXepp_ebY7M_b0to1nK7oMMztnUG5RQmLVETliR3ayAkkU2G6rR1S4N37wnd5stPcfkc4p_37h-Hg5YHLsS_NkyJxSA/w320-h240/B2A8652B-EDA4-4E0D-B48A-882D76AC2BDD.heic" title="Me with my "yougest" son-in-law, Brice." width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Me with my youngest son-in-law, Brice this summer.</div><p>This specific, unique disease has taught me specific, unique life-saving attitudes and behaviors. Those translate to prompt me to make the best actions for surviving the mud-slinging disease I've come to study, respect, and learn.</p><p>After all, my attitude is the best shovel one can own against this disease. Years and years ago, I thought Finding Lana would be easier after Addison's hailed me as its permanent ride when I was 33-years-old, but I've learned that finding my adaptable self is a lifelong journey. Addison's means various phases of life will require additional adapting to the disease... in many ways. I'll age into new issues, but Addison's always complicates matters, and I do not ignore that fact.</p><p>If you have Addison's or any other disease or condition that requires vigilant attention, I hope you never stop figuring out how to help yourself make it through days when the mud is packed around you.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiffn0xPD-_G4sQ_Vrvky4U3Cz78gsnvrouQ0wF8FCydAi89Mk7cwsufaFTymb-2KBm8zwVwo-ngt6KL5_rGX-xlBvDUf8Ky4Gi_vwJu1EUEMO2HXgMvG7P2eH0bnDsHvgqaCKAA9wGA0UpUhk-_5341ugi4ROpIIf1lVXRiwYcyWMe4oSzTZIORphK4A/s4032/1243E120-0A6A-4516-ACDE-1FB2EDA5E94F.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiffn0xPD-_G4sQ_Vrvky4U3Cz78gsnvrouQ0wF8FCydAi89Mk7cwsufaFTymb-2KBm8zwVwo-ngt6KL5_rGX-xlBvDUf8Ky4Gi_vwJu1EUEMO2HXgMvG7P2eH0bnDsHvgqaCKAA9wGA0UpUhk-_5341ugi4ROpIIf1lVXRiwYcyWMe4oSzTZIORphK4A/s320/1243E120-0A6A-4516-ACDE-1FB2EDA5E94F.heic" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">This is a recent 24-hour time constraint charcoal</div><div style="text-align: center;">of my oldest daughter, from when she was a kid.</div><p>Take notice of your body and take NOTES. Figure out what makes days better and what makes them worse. Monitor your vitals, Juggle those medications to give yourself the best Addison's ever-changing self-treatment that you can muster.</p><p>I want others to know there are treasured lessons that come from great struggles, lessons healthy people are often ignorant in knowing. That's not a bad thing. But, living with such a struggle can provide rare Masterclass lessons in countless ways, giving you "new" eyes for seeing everything touched by life. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXnP04KHZD2AbV4Vi_q4GbwweRyIESg_CAv-dWGILqYt25d3EFJwfGoSGXd6B9aEqOqxiG2bZAY_kdMaPMG_19ohkeEqvwBOEBq3BcPvAkBHrJxHoNhXaVP7HFnQfVzvOP-LxorLQSd_mIHyjxQuvuw_XonutAOnya79ZpkFUC97rmlGfTN3kpS9ymNg/s4032/9314F0C6-0E20-40F8-812D-777D0769543D_1_201_a.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXnP04KHZD2AbV4Vi_q4GbwweRyIESg_CAv-dWGILqYt25d3EFJwfGoSGXd6B9aEqOqxiG2bZAY_kdMaPMG_19ohkeEqvwBOEBq3BcPvAkBHrJxHoNhXaVP7HFnQfVzvOP-LxorLQSd_mIHyjxQuvuw_XonutAOnya79ZpkFUC97rmlGfTN3kpS9ymNg/s320/9314F0C6-0E20-40F8-812D-777D0769543D_1_201_a.heic" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">My oldest grandchild, Coco.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzE4Seuf7YuXHZ97ZZ4_CnwDGcQtsOl_vHZoe3fgsZsxWOKPBQEvDq3yaoAu8mriAdyqvJCS288CexD9OshyTrWEmb5gn8NoE2cs1KLJ0w-l7YXNC5cOuplm7Bp7erEqODOr8vYmKHXcPy1YaRFTpM1vPNRUaH_GH9gG24qZ2uhLoZTNq3mGR4TFz_tA/s4032/502305B4-18B9-4ABE-9490-EDA8BA628360.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzE4Seuf7YuXHZ97ZZ4_CnwDGcQtsOl_vHZoe3fgsZsxWOKPBQEvDq3yaoAu8mriAdyqvJCS288CexD9OshyTrWEmb5gn8NoE2cs1KLJ0w-l7YXNC5cOuplm7Bp7erEqODOr8vYmKHXcPy1YaRFTpM1vPNRUaH_GH9gG24qZ2uhLoZTNq3mGR4TFz_tA/s320/502305B4-18B9-4ABE-9490-EDA8BA628360.heic" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">My youngest daughter, Stefie, with her beautiful family.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF7uLGaqqLEG9cq3P2HRT1mk_dkAHNla_jllhgAaecPjiBB2lAxEcU0mimFxDj352n9cjPNvVbN8XH5NTRkzAqcR-p-KRQYmYm5SJ6sydnbxEg-7WU1tuLOh2yr_Oeh98pL7Lrlq_-IvVQeRNPTiLa2zmXJS6gkTQIv3wxER9eSaA2rJHVK2dl6fZ1kw/s960/33B0BB8F-D9CF-48B9-B3C7-9008A767D3DC.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="774" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF7uLGaqqLEG9cq3P2HRT1mk_dkAHNla_jllhgAaecPjiBB2lAxEcU0mimFxDj352n9cjPNvVbN8XH5NTRkzAqcR-p-KRQYmYm5SJ6sydnbxEg-7WU1tuLOh2yr_Oeh98pL7Lrlq_-IvVQeRNPTiLa2zmXJS6gkTQIv3wxER9eSaA2rJHVK2dl6fZ1kw/s320/33B0BB8F-D9CF-48B9-B3C7-9008A767D3DC.jpeg" width="258" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">My goofy husband to whom I've been married a LONG time.</div><div><div style="text-align: center;">We not killed each other, and the lack of bloodshed has been worth it!</div><p>If you can figure it out, tell me the good lessons - the surprising lessons - and the lessons you might not have learned without the boost from whatever it is that requires you to adapt.</p><p>Keep your inner shovel ready, but know when to set it aside and tune-out the world so you can endure the worst, whether the worst be minutes long or longer. How do you adapt and make life matter during those moments?</p><p>What matters to you? How do you provide self-care and self-nurturing.</p><p>For me, I take actions to make life worth living. I savor the small stuff for as long as possible and spit out the bitter as fast as I can. I make downtimes work for me, either through that tv binging, through writing, or through art. During those times, my passenger must stay seated and well-mannered because I'm still in charge.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguw7E6LrTYCvuSs7gM7s9yvGyL1C548m22cR5e4aTV5uUbk34JVY4bGdl9cnTfwW7OIOAQf2qFJ3BPRO9s0DxFBsXWT5Nz0Z2rty9E8h4KDz3Eg-KGRUQQcS2ZRwZZTX8CrKJie0IY9yn6MmJILk4yQ8EhxfeMmg5sYq6Hh5ujHwm3ExMs8xl6hESegg/s3539/B1D91D00-8000-4B34-80A8-4C9484B8BDFB.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2876" data-original-width="3539" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguw7E6LrTYCvuSs7gM7s9yvGyL1C548m22cR5e4aTV5uUbk34JVY4bGdl9cnTfwW7OIOAQf2qFJ3BPRO9s0DxFBsXWT5Nz0Z2rty9E8h4KDz3Eg-KGRUQQcS2ZRwZZTX8CrKJie0IY9yn6MmJILk4yQ8EhxfeMmg5sYq6Hh5ujHwm3ExMs8xl6hESegg/s320/B1D91D00-8000-4B34-80A8-4C9484B8BDFB.heic" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Treating my in-laws to another late lunch.</div><p>How do you hand peace to your inner-self in spite of a raucous passenger? What is your distraction?</p><p>Live well, MOMENT-BY-MOMENT, no matter your speed!</p><p style="text-align: center;">***</p><p>PS: Leave a comment. I'll have to moderate it, but it will then post to the comments section for others to see and for me to respond to.</p></div></div>Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-33925143529841471382018-10-26T00:17:00.000-05:002018-10-26T00:17:42.994-05:00# 148 - I'm Still Here!It's been around three years since I last posted on this blog. The last post I made was during a very difficult time that made managing Addison's Disease a great challenge. The GREAT news is that I had surgery in 2015, and everything is about as perfect as it can get. Nothing fell, collapsed, prolapsed or otherwise hit the wall...or the floor. My surgeon put me into ICU after surgery as a precaution so my vitals would be on constant display. It worked. I'm here, and I'm doing fabulous as a happy uterusless woman.<br />
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Another celebration I've enjoyed this year is when I was blessed to turn 50 years old! Oh wow! I still feel like a young, young woman, but I'm now further from young and closer to old, according to the numbers. Lol.<br />
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The reason this birthday was especially meaningful to me is because...at the age of 33 I coded due to undiagnosed Addison's. After that, I had a solid ten year run of extremely serious health issues that required one major surgery after another, and life was brutal as it took being sliced, diced, glued, and screwed (the titanium version) to keep me going. <br />
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In so many aspects, I experienced life in a sort of suspended state of existence...in limbo. Today I'm technically in better health and am doing better than I was in my 30's.<br />
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In fact, we've built our country home and have been SLOWLY working to finish the interior. That's one area where I've not progressed much, I'm still slow. Even so, what I lack in speed, I make up for in persistence and duration. I don't go as fast as others, but I often outlast them threefold. That gives me reason to smirk, a little.<br />
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The last few weeks I've been steadily sheetrocking, taping, floating, texturing and now painting one of the rooms upstairs. <br />
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It's given me tremendous satisfaction to accomplish things that are tangible and enjoyable on a daily basis. This room will serve as my official writing room.<br />
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Once upon a time, Addison's Disease made Finding Lana a challenge for me. <br />
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For years I didn't know if I could come out from beneath a disease that often threatened to smother me, but I've been doing GREAT for the last couple of years, and life is better than it was in my 30's! <br />
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Life is beautiful.<br />
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Go CONQUER!Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-15745561390019199052014-12-04T01:28:00.000-06:002014-12-04T01:28:23.433-06:00#147 - Addison's Crisis ScareThis Thanksgiving I was making the trip into Houston by myself since my husband was having to work. The excitement over the pending trip to my Uncle and Aunt's new home in a beautiful part of Houston was thrilling because it was also their home-warming party.<br />
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The trip takes over one hour, one way, mostly down Highway 59. It's actually a pleasant trip.<br />
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However, the past few months have been very challenging due to massive amounts of blood in my urine and lots of testing to figure out what is causing the bleeding. Since my father had bladder cancer, frankly, I was scared of it being cancer. I think this fear or thought in the back of the mind is natural for any child of a parent who has battled cancer or died from cancer that is found to be "genetic." <br />
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So, I have gone through testing during the past few weeks that range from ultrasounds, bloodwork, a CTscan with and without contrast, along with the procedure of bladder scoping.<br />
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A diagnosis I got about a year ago, and that I had hoped would somehow find "healing," was that my uterus has become so incredibly enlarged that it is literally "smothering" my bladder and grating against it, injuring it. Additionally, it is causing pressure against my lower spine, which is one of the most painful elements to this problem. Then, on some days, I suddenly have serious vaginal bleeding with huge clots that are very painful to pass because the uterus is not doing well; this is not a "normal" menstrual cycle, but further sign of things going wrong. <br />
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I have been on Depo-Provera injection for quite some time, which has kept the cycles away and that is good because I am in extreme agony with enough blood loss to create anemia during a "normal" cycle. Endometriosis has also been a life-long condition that causes tremendous suffering and has aggravated this situation.<br />
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Needless to say, between the bladder reacting as if sandpaper is rubbing against it, the ureters being stretched and contorted outward as if they are rubber bands pulled to their limits and the other internal pressure creating abnormal consequences, I am in considerable pain, especially after I am on my feet too much or moving around too much. <br />
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In spite of the pain, I still traveled a few weeks ago to be with my youngest daughter, Stefanie, as she was inducted into an Honor Society for her Master's Degree that she's almost completed. Even after that trip, my situation went further downhill and my urine became full of blood, all day, every day.<br />
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So, in an attempt to get in control of the pain, lately, I have been "resting" as much as possible, and this is also what the surgeon ordered because a horrible nightmare can occur to make this bad situation worse. My doctor said my bladder is actually in danger of prolapsing through the vagina from the intense pressure of the uterus bearing down upon it. <br />
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Whaaaaa?????<br />
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Well, I am 46 years old and don't relish the prospect of "Hey, my bladder is coming out of my vagina" kind of moment. So, the Urologist sent me directly to a highly recommended OB/GYN who confirmed that my uterus is now equal to the size of a four month pregnancy with it being full of tumors, a minimum of three tumors, believed to be fibroid. The tumors are very large...one on the left side of my uterus is so large that it can be felt simply by pressing upon my abdomen. My entire uterus can be felt with bare hands as it explores the abdominal swelling. As I lie down, you can see the swollen uterus and the lopsided swelling on the left...but this is not like the days when I was pregnant with my babies...this is mentally and emotionally disturbing as well as physically painful.<br />
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For those who don't know about this stuff, a woman can often have their uterus removed during surgery, through the vagina, to cause less bodily damage. However, I was told that the uterus is so large that this kind of surgery is no longer possible. <br />
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That is pretty serious for me because I already went through a supposed simplistic gallbladder removal in 2009 that led to massive complications...my 10th rib needed to then be removed to surgically access a large mass of scar tissue that was the size of a softball due to the gallbladder removal. Then, we soon realized that the abdominal wall did not stay surgically closed from the rib removal, so a third surgery was needed to keep my guts inside my abdominal cavity. <br />
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St. Luke's Episcopal Hospital in Houston performed a 10x16 spine-tissue transplant because the abdominal wall was not healing/closing after the rib removal incision and mass removal that left a quite large incision stapled shut, and it didn't work. Surgeons suspected steroid treatment for Addison's as the source that was hindering my surgical healing process. <br />
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But, what happens when an Addison's patient needs surgery? They need MORE steroids for stress dosing, for survival. It's a vicious cycle. These three surgeries were within about three months of each other and every subsequent surgery required that the surgeons go BACK through the SAME surgical opening, each time making it larger, more painful, and even more traumatic. <br />
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I have had several major surgeries and am so grateful to have SURVIVED each one of them, but the Addison's makes things much more dangerous. That is the harsh truth is that our Addison's condition increases the chance of complications.<br />
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After all the surgeries I have needed and that have served to keep me alive, I have found the surgery itself is not so scary, but the COMPLICATIONS can be terrifying. It is especially critical to have a surgeon who provides responsible, excellent post-operative care to make sure their surgical effort are a true success.<br />
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Now...all the backstory is to lead back up to Thanksgiving Day. <br />
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Since I have been facing major issues with pain, infection, and inflammation, I have been forced to do more stress-dosing over the past few months. My blood pressure has been extremely erratic. One day it will soar and the next day it will bottom out. Keeping it stable has been a Fairy Tale for quite a long while because of the stress, swelling and infection the enlarged uterus has caused. <br />
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So, on the Thanksgiving morning, I kissed my husband goodbye as he left for work, then I checked my blood pressure again, it was on the high end, about 140/98, so I continued to get ready for my Thanksgiving day with family in Houston...about 90 miles from our home. Packing my three pies with whipped topping, I also decided to bring along my wrist-blood-pressure cuff to monitor my blood pressure for the day, so I could take any needed medicine to keep things under control. I wasn't feeling just "right," but that has been going on for quite some time; not feeling "right" is my normal for the time being, so I just kept going on auto-pilot and soon got in the organized car to leave our home in the forest for downtown Houston.<br />
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Within ten minutes of being on the road, I began to feel severe dips in my blood pressure. I put the cuff on my wrist and began checking my blood pressure and was shocked to see it sink from 140/98 to 86/52 in less than five minutes time. I had ALREADY taken a stress dose, but I pulled out my medicine container that I always keep with me and began my routine of taking 20-30 mg of Hydrocortisone, but this time, I decided to take 50 mg because the dip had been so rapid and severe. Then, my experience became one of the scariest that I have had since being diagnosed with Addison's in 2001...I developed extreme brain-fog in the few minutes this all happened, while driving down Highway 59 toward Houston.<br />
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The rest of the events are shrouded in a thick mental fog that comes with a person's blood pressure sinking so low that oxygen to the brain is seriously reduced.<br />
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I either called or texted my husband with the message of, "Call me" as I was searching for a place to pull over to the right. Obsessively, I kept thinking, "Pull over to the right...stay right." I knew I needed to immediately let him know I was in trouble, even though Sgt. Dave was over an hour away, at work already. Turning around wasn't an option...I didn't have the thinking-power to even move out of the right lane. My husband called, I had him on speaker phone and tried to tell him that I was in trouble and trying to pull off the road, to the right. <br />
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Since I was on the highway through a rural area, I was terrified at being stuck somewhere "off the map" as I physically plummeted. My husband's voice was panicked, yet stern as he ordered me to, "Turn around! You are having a crisis and are slurring!"<br />
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All I could think was, "I can't even FIGURE OUT HOW to turn around...I will stay on this edge, and go slow until I can PULL OVER AND STOP in a SAFE SPOT." <br />
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With the little bit of brain power I had left, I felt the panic mounting inside of me. There was nowhere to pull off the road safely. Somehow, I KNEW to NOT STOP in the break-down lane; I wasn't even sure I would stay in the car or not stumble as things deteriorated as I lacked coherent ability to make decisions that were need to prevent me from being ran over by a big rig. <br />
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Of course, I continued to hit the button on my blood pressure cuff, which while on the phone with Sgt. Dave gave the next reading of 77/42, and I realized the search to find a safe zone in the middle of NOTHING was urgent. All of this happened within about a five minute time-frame, but it felt like an ETERNITY. I kept swallowing more HC pills as stress dosing and knew I was past the point of being able to self-inject, I was too weak and too far from being mentally aware enough to prepare and give an injection. <br />
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I then recall my car hitting the hard ridges that are built into road and realized I had been losing consciousness, and that's when I spotted a big sign in the sky that said, "Love's Truck Stop." The hard ridges jerked me out of my lack of consciousness...yes, the ridges work, and I felt as so relieved that a safe place was within sight! However, still on Highway 59, I prepared to turn right, off the highway as I waged a battle to keep looking in my mirrors to make sure no one was driving any where around me. I HAD to get off the road; I could NOT hurt anyone because of the sudden onset of an Addison's crisis. If I did cause someone to be hurt as I became sicker, I would not be able to live with myself.<br />
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How could this happen? How come there weren't more warning signs that could have prevented such an extremely rapid deterioration in my vitals? How come this had to happen while driving down a isolated stretch of Highway 59 as I was alone?<br />
<br />
At this point, I was FIGHTING to stay conscious and had literally gobbled a HAND-FULL of steroids, which by the end of the day would total over 200 mg of Hydrocortisone, the most I have ever had to take in one day, and still, my blood pressure kept sinking.<br />
<br />
With a bobbling head and eyes that were trying to refuse to stay open and taking great effort to see, I managed to pull into the truck stop parking lot. I pulled against the nearest curb, turned off the car (I think) as the phone lay on the console with the speaker phone still relaying the voice of my husband. I finally spoke, trying to tell him with a thick, uncontrollable tongue, that I was parked at Love's truck stop and was going to lie my head back and just rest a while.<br />
<br />
I was wise enough to know I needed to obey my body. <br />
<br />
Sgt. Dave was furious, but I did not have the ability to be concerned about his own panic as he hung up on me for being so angry that I wasn't doing what he wanted me to do. Frankly, his tantrum was not my concern, I had bigger things to worry about. With him off the phone, I had one less problem and could focus on myself...trying to figure this out.<br />
<br />
The last thing I remember at that time was reaching to hit my door locks, not realizing the doors were already locked, I looked up to see the huge "Love's Truck Stop" sign directly over my front windshield and I actually giggled weakly while praying, "God, please don't let this be my last sight."<br />
<br />
And I literally fell unconscious. <br />
<br />
The shocking part to this was that once I regained consciousness, over 45 minutes had passed. I could not believe it. I don't even remember really if the car was turned off or still running. Being able to park was good enough for me.<br />
<br />
I took my blood pressure and it was now 90/58. Better. But, best of all, I WOKE UP. I was ALIVE!<br />
<br />
Taking MORE Hydrocortisone, I decided that my body must have been processing all the pills I had swallowed as I lie there unconscious, and they were finally working their way through my system. I considered going back home, but as my blood pressure continued to rise, I knew that I would return home to simply find myself with decent blood pressure as the worst had passed, and my determination to move forward was full of stubbornness. <br />
<br />
My blood pressure went to about 110/78 and it held for about twenty minutes, so I decided to go on with my life. I also knew that after all the massive doses of Hydrocortisone had been taken, that I might have some high blood pressure, but that never happened.<br />
<br />
Of course, everyone began eating Thanksgiving dinner because my little truck stop detour and my slowed pace added nearly two hours to my travel time. That was depressing to me because things went so wrong, then I began to realize that things actually went right...God helped me to be safe, for others to be safe, and for me to make it to a place that was not too scary to sit in my car alone while extremely vulnerable. I never expected to lose consciousness. <br />
<br />
The drive within me to get to the Thanksgiving gathering was powerful. I was going to see both of my daughters, my son-in-law, and my grand-daughter among all the other family members I love so dearly.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1506978_10152978746699101_2624028783337062033_n.jpg?oh=555229e0e542d9ada24041625f2f6ea6&oe=550E706F" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="398" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Uncle Billy, daughter Heather and grand-daughter, Coraline.<br />
My sister is in the background looking like a super model! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Then, I was getting to see my Aunt and Uncle and their lovely new home, and my cousins I hadn't seen in well over ten years.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="272" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/1016227_10152973439359101_3455891747783545890_n.jpg?oh=3b09bd118f07d5691e7af36d72f3966e&oe=5507BC40&__gda__=1427677561_5caafad0271a38c0d46ed96c68d05478" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My beautiful sister, Robin, and my cousin, David.<br />
When we are together, I still feel as if we are kids!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The first few miles back on the road were "test" miles, to make sure I was fully alert and capable of driving safely. I felt a life-time better, but I knew things were not right in my body, and I suspected the wild fluctuations to be directly related to my condition causing too much stress upon my body. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/1533937_10152973435469101_211348108588206198_n.jpg?oh=6de2705cc57c6e37d87b8a51e4e814fe&oe=55162672&__gda__=1428155131_fd0cff7476dada7a98131e167bede868" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stefie is giving me a sweet smile and my niece Shaye is <br />
growing up too fast!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Also, I contemplated the reasoning for my meds taken in large doses for not kicking in as fast to get my blood pressure to an acceptable "low" range was explored. Obviously, my body was not absorbing the meds as it should have. That concerned me. One way to approach this problem, I believe, is to make sure I do not find myself without a ready-snack to take with the medications to help absorption. Usually, I have peanut butter crackers with me, but this time, I was out of luck and even though I was SO CLOSE to the truck stop shop, I was far too weak to try going inside. From now on, I will at least make myself a snack pack of Ritz Crackers with peanut butter before I get on the road.<br />
<br />
I felt weak for the rest of the day, but everything was okay, other than my pride being wounded. <br />
<br />
Determined to keep going, I had a wonderful time with my family, especially with my uncle who was justly proud to show off his AMAZING shop where he does woodworking projects above and beyond the norm. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="300" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10696331_10152973432504101_1115499908714467952_n.jpg?oh=3f0cdf5410ed4406fb508cec1323486f&oe=54D4E10B&__gda__=1426469661_9ed9be62a4ea88115467cc190c072d7c" width="400" /></div>
<br />
I had so much fun. The two of us spent about an hour in his shop as I got the grand tour. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/10430452_10152973427754101_5868629472389851788_n.jpg?oh=d7ae34395bd7904f5f6198aaf6847316&oe=5502E546&__gda__=1427837867_9a304c3b635234d7b0376ecc9164d75d" width="400" /></div>
<br />
Since I took Shop in school, I really loved this experience. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/1508098_10152973420389101_8359919803989304019_n.jpg?oh=b6d7d85c64c69c5b840753d177b5427d&oe=55072D02&__gda__=1427282057_78cbec987db69ae5b9f305bfd8352b0d" width="400" /></div>
<br />
My uncle is such an amazing man; it is wonderful to see him living a life of excellence and luxury. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10801618_10152973425014101_535096000235491267_n.jpg?oh=5c39423fe74fad410362eeabab3342a6&oe=55166F20&__gda__=1426819402_4e107371e9794e93216c030747e94bff" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="298" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Uncle Billy's CNC machine - remarkable!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10801863_10152973413649101_9081658238257493707_n.jpg?oh=a2a18c7741a0ed7350b02ee4254f53f8&oe=551D1D42" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The downstairs part of his woodshop - tool zone.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
He's also a perfectionist, which is evident as you see his two-story shop setup.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10352029_10152973416369101_4101607332178531625_n.jpg?oh=cf9cad2cf8d7de3fda81a4159c3d2d32&oe=550BBA5D" width="400" /></div>
<br />
So, I got to spend my Thanksgiving going from being unconscious at a truck-stop to a family home that is worth well over a million dollars. Then I was blessed to get home safe after the festivities. It was quite a memorable day.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://scontent-b-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10427296_10152973436219101_6676780726637395888_n.jpg?oh=4c1f89d00807b2a379f81444d75daa28&oe=55190EDB" width="400" /></div>
<br />
The day after Thanksgiving, the reality of the previous day hit me hard. I realized that my condition is more precarious than I had wanted to admit. Yes, I know it isn't good because of the level of pain and bleeding from a couple of places in my body that this causes, but I am accustomed to moving past the pains in life as much as possible or be controlled by it.<br />
<br />
Still, I acknowledged that my health, especially the Addison's, is not stable. At least, not for now, especially due to the excessive pain my body is processing. After I have the surgery and get the uterus removed, I believe things will become more manageable. Until then, I am going to try to avoid lengthy car trips. But, I savor the time I had with family, especially with my Aunt Sheila.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/10686720_10152974856504101_2659147003477580936_n.jpg?oh=9b27e4c6c2e7675ccea74b5bdf9568f3&oe=551985D8&__gda__=1427371573_c49bfe18d09d6e6c1bb87c43fd42a8dc" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="366" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aunt Sheila...a woman who is easy to love and who loves her<br />
family so easily.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
On December 4th, I will have a final test conducted to determine a couple of other things for the surgeon to develop a surgical strategy. On that same day, we meet with the surgeon to discuss the details and to learn my surgery date; she already told me that it would go fast after the Thanksgiving holidays.<br />
<br />
I am thankful that God put me under a sign of "Love" during one of the most difficult and scary times of my life with Addison's. I just never thought the love would be associated with a truck-stop in Texas. I will never see that truck-stop in the same way again...it has earned a special place in my heart. Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-3032809042676432972014-10-22T22:40:00.000-05:002014-10-22T22:40:06.629-05:00# 146 - Is it the Addison's?Having a disease, such as Addison's makes it extremely difficult to determine whether or not some health issues are being caused by Addison's or by another problem.<br />
<br />
On and off this year, at the least, I have had constant battles with my kidneys. As I get into a significant kidney infection, I seem to get more than the back pain at the flanks, I also get a terrible body aching that cannot be described. It seems that the body aches are signifying that my body is not cleansing the toxins out of the system as it should because the kidneys are impaired.<br />
<br />
Last week, after feeling miserable for a good amount of time, I again go to the doctor and discover that I have an "massive amount" of blood in my urine. <br />
<br />
Right now, I am struggling because the infection or whatever is causing the kidney problems is now creating Addison's maintenance issues. <br />
<br />
I cannot imagine that Addison's would cause my body to hurt this bad, pretty much 24/7. It does seem that something above and beyond Addison's is at serious play in my system. The massive amounts of blood in my urine are an indicator that my suspicion is true.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, the doctor here in Livingston has a staff that is consistently lagging behind in sending the doctor's orders to the diagnostic location...it took a total of five days for the doctor's office to even fax the doctor's orders for the ultrasound to the location that does the test. So, I could not even schedule the ultrasound since I was waiting for the doctor's office to do their part. I believe I will go see the doctor to simply discuss this issue with her, to bring it to her attention, especially since it is not the first time this has happened.<br />
<br />
It disturbs me because the doctor ordered the ultrasound as a STAT test. Since the antibiotics that I began taking five days ago, directly after the doctor's appointment, has not helped at all...I am concerned. <br />
<br />
For anyone who deals with any chronic medical issues, I am sure you understand that going to the doctor becomes drudgery. The THOUGHT of going to the doctor is highly bothersome to me, usually because I only go when things have become serious. I'm definitely not one to run to the doctor, unless there is a real problem.<br />
<br />
And, right now, I've got a real problem on my hands.<br />
<br />
I suppose that a few tests will help to rule out a blockage and then I will be also seeing a urologist to determine if there are other issues, but I feel as if things are dragging along. And I am in agony, to be honest, pure agony.<br />
<br />
Today, I've been a ragdoll. Getting much out of me today is almost impossible. I've been trying to rest because the next few days are going to be jam-packed.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow, I drive nearly two hours into the Bayside of Houston to stay the night with my sister so we can drive together to be with my dad the next morning since he will be having a stint put into his carotid artery for an 80% blockage they just discovered. He is acting as if it will be no big deal, but I get my stoicism from him in that he also doesn't go to the doctor until there is a clear and present issue that is not disappearing and is likely a real problem. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10616579_10152755949614101_1643325373074014758_n.jpg?oh=422ad365b7ad94d5763a167742347a60&oe=54F79F35&__gda__=1424428579_ae05a48d4f3d59b2a40be6e12f13436a" width="400" /></div>
<br />
I am concerned for him...we will be there for him and ready to help him out so he can get home and resting. However, any time an artery is involved, there is added concern. I have had my share of surgeries, some directly involving arteries and others with the main goal of avoiding arteries at all costs. I just don't like having to deal with an artery or the spinal cord.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/7355_10152755931924101_1380248823362761947_n.jpg?oh=817331c7df6073e86c64ef771af7cfc6&oe=54AE05D4" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With my oldest daughter, Heather, at a party for a family friend<br />
who just returned from duty in Afghanistan and my dad is giving<br />
his great-grandbaby Coraline a kiss. She is a PawPaw gal!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
However, I am so happy they discovered the blockage...it is very serious. I am praying the stint will be successful.<br />
<br />
A wonderful motivator for me to cling to tomorrow is that it is my oldest daughter's 27th birthday! I cannot believe Heather is going to be 27! <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="340" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10689790_10105394236009674_1714509290073251311_n.jpg?oh=e30820f799fd282489f88aff4967dfb9&oe=54B0E01B&__gda__=1424309167_3b8688c6d1f11b01d070bfb0aea03c9e" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heather and Coraline...two sweet beauties!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I was 19 years old when I gave birth to her while living in Germany, and it seems like yesterday while also seeming, simultaneously, like a thousand years ago! I have been so blessed to see her grow to be a beautiful young woman and to have her give me my first grand-baby, Coraline. My son-in-law, Henry, is a good-hearted young man...my first "legal" son! These happenings keep me filled with joy in spite of hurdles.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="331" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10609628_10105394236229234_345286655002264325_n.jpg?oh=63da44c3ebb27dba8050c74afd30df2b&oe=54B52B63&__gda__=1421398106_bdfd950cf5eeb73cf3ac0e6f4de67d6b" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Henry and my grand-baby, Coraline. I love both of them!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
Then, I have great news...my youngest daughter is being inducted to the National Honor Society for graduates. She is getting her Master's Degree and will be having a ceremony this Sunday. Since she lives a few hours away and since her dad works weird days and weird hours, I will be traveling by myself to be with her for a couple of days and to attend the ceremony.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="225" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/v/t1.0-9/561285_10201908168285175_1913483462_n.jpg?oh=c412c9e467c6d5667a0db96eadd5f96b&oe=54EDF1E0&__gda__=1425449775_9805dbf99e0bac6254094bb3fbeb7f39" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stefanie on the day she earned her bachelor's degree from Texas State and<br />
dunked herself with her class ring into the river! I took this photo as some<br />
family members tried to talk her out of going through with this tradition,<br />
and she is brave...SHE JUMPED IN THE RIVER! A priceless moment!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="300" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/1146598_10201908132164272_1718520853_n.jpg?oh=29ad7dc75fed7b9c4aa4d6ae00df1038&oe=54AD44FC&__gda__=1424803622_85a9d1e816d4a9392c35de3f64394824" width="400" /></div>
<br />
I am super excited about this event, but my body is struggling so much these past few months...at least I know the reason. We cannot be peeing huge amounts of blood without there being a serious problem present. <br />
<br />
For now, I am simply trying to hang in there, but it is difficult. I would even consider going straight to the hospital to get better faster than later, especially since it is taking a toll on my Addison's maintenance. However, it seems that hospitals have such serious bacteria and other issues that I feel better at avoiding them at MOST all costs! <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://scontent-a-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10311770_10152894311999101_145871775576910083_n.jpg?oh=04168ab19c4cb6196aeae16d02eebe49&oe=54EF6ED5" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The private road down our acreage...too long with curves to photograph<br />
its entire length, which is over a foot-ball field, but it makes for a<br />
beautiful walk with the dogs.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Even with the agony I am experiencing, yesterday I went for a walk and made dinner and took care of home business, but today...RAGDOLL. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10671458_10152861849894101_7592155241033472081_n.jpg?oh=ebff7ed0747f61f68e450f2b3016cb79&oe=54AF8394&__gda__=1425487041_7a8e31b1bfd476fab694bd7aef4545a0" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="353" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">About a month ago, me with my first Grand-baby, Coraline.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Right now, my husband is being supportive. He knows I am suffering and he hates leaving me alone, but life dictates that I be a big girl! I assured him that the kidney pain is indeed a pain, but I am not in a state of disrepair as serious as is an Addisonian Crisis, so he needs to keep doing his normal thing and stick to his work schedule because next week might be a different story.<br />
<br />
After all, I have so much going on around me that I can't hardly stop to think about my own situation; if the pain weren't so constant and intense, I would be completely distracted!<br />
<br />
I am hoping next week will be better than this week. I always have hope...it will never come to an end, even at the end!<br />
<br />
NOW, GO CONQUER!Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-32203880970140304712014-03-06T18:21:00.000-06:002014-03-06T18:22:38.002-06:00# 145 - Nature is GoodFor about nine months we've been living in the country. The lifestyle is good for me. Well, with the exception of the cold weather which has been EXTREMELY difficult on my body, but coldness seems to be something we're all enduring to some extent or another. But, the country environment has been healing to me in many ways.<br />
<br />
When I am having an "off" day, the country life helps me to better enjoy my surroundings than I had been able to do in the city. I needed a slower pace. Well, maybe not a "slower" pace, but a different kind of pace.<br />
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Life in the country is not without its difficulties and challenges, but the trade-off for the large dose of peace and to be in nature from the time I wake up until I go to sleep is exactly what I need. Listening to the birds in the morning and the crickets at night makes me smile, well, mostly. <br />
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Ever since I began my battles with Addison's, one of the ways I have been affected is that I felt the need for more space, and I needed more time in nature...I needed more time alone, yet I am NOT lonely. I wanted to be free of feeling as if I am display or some kind of guinea pig. I needed to step outside of my house and sit in the middle of nature, without a solicitor coming up to sell me something and without having to listen to the neighbor's dogs bark at me as I try to sit peacefully in my backyard and to get through a night without hearing the party next door.<br />
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External noises are fine, but getting a bit of space between me and that noise seemed to be imperative. I began to go all day without any sound, just the sound of life itself. Things changed for me. <br />
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Of course, we still have many fun times with family and friends, but on a day-to-day basis, I enjoy being in the forest.<br />
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Other times, I LOVE being with my first grand-baby...a precious baby girl named Coraline. She fills my heart with joy, as if I was a truck running on empty and she gives me long-lasting fuel each time I see her.<br />
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However, living in the forest, on a beginning farm means that each day offers something new. More than that, each day offers a bit of excitement and exploration. And I get to be around baby animals...that is awesome.<br />
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I guess if I had to explain how it feels to live in the country, I would have to say that being on this acreage puts me farther away from man-made life and closer to Heaven...kind of an in-between location that suits me, perfectly.<br />
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Most people living with a serious illness would rather live closer to city amenities, but I changed gears and went from being a full-blown city gal to running the other direction. Fortunately, my husband was ready to do the same. <br />
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Now, when he is home, he says it feels as if he is already on vacation. There is a longer commute, but the time home is savored.<br />
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Life is beautiful. Oh yes, there are struggles, more than I can say, but the overall take away is that life is incredible, always full of exciting twists and turns, and the glorious moments smother the bad. That's the bottom line. <br />
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And I leave you with this thought...<br />
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Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-90073736360481777272014-01-13T10:55:00.000-06:002014-01-13T10:55:43.784-06:00# 144 - Living Life!First of all, I sincerely thank all of you who have been sending concerned emails about my lack of writing for this blog. I appreciate you reading and digesting my written words, for whatever they are worth.<br />
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In response, I am going to make a sincere effort to begin writing again on this blog, on a regular basis.<br />
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To be honest, I had to focus on other areas in my life because Addison's disease can tangle you in a web of challenges. For a while, I felt worn down and needed to escape from it, as much as I could, for a bit.<br />
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Also, we made a major move from the city to the country, selling our house that was about 3,000 square feet to move to the acreage we've owned since our daughters were young. The acreage is in the middle of rural Texas country. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="263" src="https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1517709_10152231520999101_1270200268_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I took this picture yesterday...I love the "yard."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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We bought a Mac-Daddy RV to live in while we prepared the land to build a cabin. The problem is that I can't decide upon where to build the cabin. You can't change your mind once it is built, so I am taking my time with this decision. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/1545043_10152223092319101_1287881297_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sgt. Dave using a machete to thin the area that will be<br />
next to the cabin.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I enjoy the RV, but it's an RV. I figured it would take about a year to start building, and we have accomplished a great deal, but I am ready for the extended camping trip to approach an end. <br />
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I must say, this has been one of the most adventurous times of my life.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="299" src="https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/1001241_10151840614264101_1072463590_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My niece, Shaye, on a visit with her cowboy boots.<br />
She fits right in with our new environment.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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My newest health battle has been news that I need a hysterectomy. Not such a big deal for a healthy patient, except that surgery always presents a reason for concern, especially when it is YOU having surgery. For a patient with Addison's disease, the most simplistic surgery is serious business. <br />
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Since my mother died from breast cancer at 57 years of age and my father is again battling cancer that is genetic, I need to be pro-active with my health. After my dad's genetic testing, the oncologist told him to inform all three of us kids about the results so we could take preventative measures of our own. <br />
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Presently, my dad is battling Malignant Fibrous Histiocytoma. My mother had been tested by M.D. Anderson and the cancer was not a genetic variation, but my dad's genetic testing made him very sad. Of course, all of us have something awry in our body, whether we are aware of it, or not. But, since my father is adopted and never knew his birth family, the lack of medical history is problematic. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/t1/1604430_10151973769573702_1381080768_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="376" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here I am with my first grand-baby, Coraline and my grandmother.<br />
My grand-mother is now a great-great-grandmother to Coraline.<br />
In the back is my Uncle Billy, my oldest daughter - Heather, and<br />
my father who is having to wear a medical mask that he pulled<br />
down for this photo. That baby makes him a first time great-<br />
grand-father. I treasure these moments. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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After considering my parents' cancer history, my doctor order the Brach-Analysis test for me. I took the test a few weeks ago, and I have been waiting a long time for the results. Of course, the chain reaction of such results is both nerve-wracking and beneficial. I have two daughters, so if I show the gene for these familial cancers, then I will have to inform my daughters of their high-risk predisposition for cancer, as well as my sister.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="267" src="https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1451543_10151897024583702_789411100_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A few weeks ago, here we are in Fort Worth. There's my daughter<br />
Heather, me, my sister Robin, my youngest daughter Stefanie<br />
and my youngest niece Shaye. We had a ball!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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As for the needed hysterectomy, if I show a genetic predisposition for cancer, then the surgeon is likely to remove as much as possible during the hysterectomy to reduce my risk, especially since I have tumors in the uterus and in an ovary, most likely benign, but this area needs attention because the tumors have become large enough to create visible abdominal swelling, and according to my doctor, the swelling is equivalent to an early pregnancy belly. <br />
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We all have problems, but I don't like this new challenge. The health battles have been enormous and never-ending. It becomes tiring. However, I keep fighting back and doing all I can to see better days. But, let me get this straight, I still have INCREDIBLE days. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="267" src="https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1609830_10151973768808702_1819681312_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My brother, dad, me and my sister.<br />
This was taken the week after Christmas.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Overall, I will most certainly feel better after surgery since the complications of this condition cause significant pain, swelling, and constant bleeding that leads to anemia. <br />
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Anyway, I never stop LIVING. Life is to be LIVED! I break my days down into "moments." I might have bad "moments" in the morning, but the afternoon might be filled with GREAT "moments" and find me feeling great! So, I never say, "My day is ruined," or "This has been a bad day," because rarely is there a day without goodness. Besides, there is always something you can find to do that is enjoyable, even if your body is not cooperating fully. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="305" src="https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1526748_10203017377381874_1473074132_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here I am playing the piano...something I love to do and that<br />
gives me a sense of fulfillment, yet it takes little energy.</td></tr>
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My quality of life is improved because of the move out of the city. It's been a challenge with MAJOR changes to our daily lives, but I savor this life on our rural acreage. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="300" src="https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1390474_10151994878959101_1428760750_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taking a walk through the woods.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Going from the Greater Houston area to a home with no neighbors in sight is a big change. So many of our family and friends have been baffled by this deep desire to live in the country, especially with my health issues, but I am not a person who lets fear rule my days. If I am going to be sitting at home on a regular basis, I'd rather do that sitting in an environment that is soothing and fun.<br />
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Of course, I'm not able to get outside every day, but the time I am outdoors is filled with wonderful fun that feeds my spirit! <br />
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Yesterday, I planted seeds in pots so they can get a head-start for transplanting into the main vegetable garden. I played outside with the dogs, throwing the ball too many times to count. I hand-spread Rye seed over approximately three acres of land, and I enjoyed every step I took. <br />
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Every day is a new adventure. Granted, I might not feel too adventurous each day, but the adventure is eagerly waiting for me outside my front door, and that makes me feel great! For me, being in nature is my calling...it's free, it's beautiful, and it's ever-changing. Also, nature responds to our treatment...when nurtured, it gives you gifts, such as flowers or veggies. <br />
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All around me, I see and feel God's presence. I think that God is gracious to give us such free beauty to remind us that all things have a cycle...nothing stays the same. That proof can provide hope in every situation. <br />
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More than ever, I appreciate the forest, especially because of the extra stress in life.<br />
So, I will again try to share both the good and the bad of life, which includes living compatibly with Addison's disease. <br />
Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-14216519196497417832013-08-19T03:03:00.002-05:002013-08-19T03:03:45.386-05:00# 142 - A Condensed LifeIt's been a while since I've written in this blog. Over the past few months we've been overwhelmed with moving from the city to the country. Our lives have drastically changed, for the better. However, the change has not come without huge sacrifices.<br />
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We sold our home in the Greater Houston area that was almost 3,000 square feet and came to the acreage we've owned since our kids were small, temporarily living in an RV until we can decide upon a homesite and finalize our house plans.<br />
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Each step along the way is tedious, expensive, hard-work, and nerve-wracking because we must make every little decision. In the city, every little thing is taken care of for you. But, that's also part of the big fun of living in the country, it's one adventure after another.<br />
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In Texas, it gets very hot in August. As for my Addison's disease management, that can be difficult. Since we've had back to back happenings for months that are highly stressful, it can take a toll. Last week, I fell down the stairs of our new deck that has been built against our RV. The pain that it caused from the bruise of my hip bone and spine became a problem for my Addison's --- round and round we go during times like these.<br />
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Increasing my Hydrocortisone dosages helped. Somewhat. <br />
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When I have things happen, such as this fall, I tend to withdraw and need more time to myself, as if I need to cope with my struggle, in privacy. <br />
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However, for some reason, I am going through a phase of needing extra solitude in my life. Perhaps it's because I have come to a close of raising two daughters --- twenty-five years of solid parental involvement wiped me out a tad. Even though the day to day parenting duties have faced, we have a lot of wonderful things happening right now...my niece came to stay for a week long visit with us in the country, my oldest daughter and her husband are expecting their first baby within days, which will be my first grandbaby, <br />
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and my youngest daughter just graduated from college on August 9th.<br />
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Life has been jam-packed with event after event for months.<br />
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I am so excited that my oldest daughter, Heather, is about to become a mother, but I do get this deep sadness at knowing the distance we live from each other will make seeing our her and our grandbaby more difficult.<br />
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...we all have our daily responsibilities and my husband's job is demanding. That's the way life goes.<br />
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And to be going through the pain that my fall down the stairs has caused makes me feel physically and emotionally drained. I'm a gal who pushes past the pain to get things done; I've been through some major physical ordeals that included some of the highest levels of pain a person can endure, but I still feel down and out when I have an added hurdle, such as this fall that is causing this nagging hip pain. I feel a bit bummed out because today it appears that I took a downturn into the land of hurt again; I am beginning to realize that my hip is more injured than I wanted to believe. It frustrates me.<br />
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Regardless, the excitement over all the changes in our lives at this time is immense, but the difficulty that comes with making a massive leap into country life is a definite stressor. And sadly, less than a month after our move to the peaceful country, my husband's 22 year old nephew was brutally murdered, on Father's Day. That tragedy, along with my dad's ongoing cancer battle that includes multiple rounds of chemo for a cancer that is known for unfavorable statistics has often found me fighting deep sadness.<br />
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In a direct effort to bring balance into my life and to push away the pain that life can bring, some evenings, if my husband is at work, I do whatever I can outside, usually something with my plants or with landscaping. <br />
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To get me going, I turn on some music. Our RV has a great outdoor speaker system, so I put on Country Classics and experience great nostalgia to go along with the making of a few new memories.<br />
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I listen to some of my favorite old country songs while I sing to the trees using a broom stick as a microphone to join Loretta Lynn, and I might even dance a bit on the deck. Mostly, I feel free and wonderful. <br />
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<br />
No matter what, I am still in disbelief that we actually left the city and moved to the rural country. <br />
<br />
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<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="299" src="https://sphotos-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/1014383_10151869362204101_83636050_n.jpg" width="400" /></div>
<br />
I will keep trying to enjoy and to savor every good moment that life can provide or that I can produce with a good attitude as I also confront hard things in life. <br />
<br />
Sometimes we have to live on purpose --- not just wander through life, we have to do things on purpose to give us balance. I'm working on that a bit more right now. It's what we all must do, live as best we can, always trying to counteract the hard times with a bit of beauty and joy. Thank God that He gives me plenty of both beauty and joy to focus upon. <br />
Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-19172771814982684632013-06-10T00:52:00.001-05:002013-06-10T00:52:48.766-05:00# 141 - The Country Agrees with Me!Lately, the difficulty of aching joints and bone pain seems to be my main complaint. Some days it's not so bad, but others pound my body with deep aches that restrict my movements on a remarkable level. Thankfully, I have a team of physicians who understand the criss-cross-complications I have from multiple conditions, so I was prepared with medications to keep pain at a minimum and to help muscles relax and I have been helped by a medication that promotes SLEEP.<br />
<br />
Lately, I've needed to stay on a medication regiment so that I can have days that demonstrate I'm at my best. Sometimes the medication helps to keep us on track, as best as possible. <br />
<br />
This is important to me, to stay on track, because my husband and I finally made a big change. We sold our house in the Greater Houston area and have moved to our acreage in Livingston, Texas...a rural community a couple of hours outside of Houston. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/580362_10151697253819101_497554106_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Leaving our city neighborhood for the last time, three weeks ago.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
We've owned our land since our daughters were younger, but could never move there because I was more concerned with staying close to city life, but I'm not sure that was the right path. However, my daughters have turned out to be responsible, intelligent, degreed, loving young women, so something we did was right FOR THEM. The balance of city life and country life worked for all of us.<br />
<br />
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<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/424656_10151712645624101_782732119_n.jpg" width="400" /></div>
<br />
However, now it's just me and Sgt. Dave --- so we figured it's time to move to the country because we don't have to worry about school districts or the neighborhood pool or biking trails; we are just worrying about the two of us building our new life in the country so that we can enjoy being grand-parents who have wide open spaces for the kids to enjoy!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1001169_10151720002214101_1154126864_n.jpg" width="400" /></div>
<br />
But, the changes have been difficult. The move was very stressful, both emotionally and physically. Also, the schedule changes we are experiencing add more stress because we had grown rather inflexible, but the distance into Houston from our rural acreage is significant, so this changes our orderly schedule. <br />
<br />
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<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/10605_10151712637774101_1645604312_n.jpg" width="400" /></div>
<br />
I'm in the sun more often and on those days, I must remember to be careful because HC can make your skin more sensitive and prone to burn. <br />
<br />
And another issue with moving to the country can be the complication that comes with simply becoming distracted by all the fun I am having and forgetting to take a dose of my HC or to increase my HC to meet the higher level of physical output. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="181" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/7213_10151718284589101_1921258975_n.jpg" width="400" /></div>
<br />
A good thing is that the week we were leaving the Houston area, there was a nasty, fast-spreading stomach bug making its rounds about the Houston area and it created projectile vomiting and sickness that lasted about three days. It was passing from person to person rather quickly. Good thing, I got out of the city limits and farther away into the depths of the country and have been in the clear, so far, of this bug that has been making its rounds. These are the times when you are grateful to be living in a rural area with your closest noisemaker being a woodpecker!<br />
<br />
Living in a nice RV over this next year as we construct a cabin in the woods feels like an interesting adventure, but I'm up for it! I'm enjoying every moment, from the ground up! And here is Sgt. Dave's new "gameroom!"<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/936716_10151709135819101_767121645_n.jpg" width="298" /></div>
<br />
As for my overall health, I do feel as if moving to the country suits me very well. I have the usual aches and pains that come with Addison's disease and with having a prior broken neck with cervical spine reconstruction and other major issues, but the ability to step outside and to stroll around the property seems to be good for me. I feel rejuvenated. My spirit feels renewed as I listen to the wind blowing through the trees and hear the birds singing their songs...it feels so simple, yet powerful to be tucked into the arms of nature.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/378118_10151697263494101_1927428702_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My new view --- this is peaceful!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So, I guess over the next couple of years, we'll see how it goes. As for my emergency services, sometime over the next month, I will be going to meet with the local EMT's to discuss my rare disease and how the emergency injection is usually not carried on the bus, but that I have it on hand with instructions, just in case. I need the local crew to understand the reality of having a patient on their route who has Addison's disease and to go over a few details, so that, in the event, a bad situation occurs, they have already reviewed my condition and will be better prepared to confront the woman with the "weird" disease that might one day need immediate intervention for continued survival. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile, I am grateful to God that He gave us this opportunity to be in the country. We've been married for over 26 years and have had this land for more than half our marriage. Making a new life for ourselves in the country is a dream of ours. About three weeks ago, we sold our massive two-story house, near 3,000 square feet, in the city, and now we're temporarily living in an RV over the next year as we begin to build our cabin in the woods. <br />
<br />
Everything has changed. <br />
<br />
It's easier to do the things that are necessary because you are enjoying the best of life while in between. Being on this land is motivating to both my husband and I to keep going and to keep making a difference so that we develop a wonderful family farm for generations to enjoy.<br />
<br />
Having Addison's seems like such a small thing to deal with right now and I like that! I love the fact that we have major tasks in front of us, every day, and those tasks keep us distracted from some of the more ugly details of life that aren't such fun to face. <br />
<br />
My quality of life is much improved by living in the country.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="300" src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/946269_10151710824339101_1506139181_n.jpg" width="400" /></div>
<br />
Every moment I enjoy in the country is magnified by the fact that I never have to live in the congested city again. <br />
<br />
Thank you Lord!<br />
Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-17256856597048950312013-04-24T00:55:00.000-05:002013-04-24T00:55:29.665-05:00# 140 - Tug of War is NecessaryI've seen so many people live with chronic health issues, from cancer to diabetes to Addison's disease or heart disease and their lives take a daily detour for medications, rest, exercise, treatments, testing and other acts that might be different from the "normal" person. <br />
<br />
Living with a serious medical condition might mean you have good days mixed in with a lot of bad days. It might mean that you must go to the doctor frequently or that you have to take medicine on a regiment.<br />
<br />
For me, I see three of my regular docs every four months, at least. In between my appointments, I try to stay on schedule with my medications and do what I can to live as healthy as possible. That means that some days I am full of boundless energy while other days find me pulling the covers over my head because I feel as if I cannot deal with the regular activities involving the world. <br />
<br />
On some days, my body might be having such low blood pressure that it takes all my energy to simply get to the bathroom and back on my own --- my appetite disappears and I might feel extremely nauseated while struggling to not be pulled under this wave of low blood pressure. I take my stress doses, but this disease can really knock you on your butt.<br />
<br />
Last month, I was speaking with my dad about fighting illness. I'm feeling rather sad that my father is now fighting his second round of cancer since my mom died from cancer seven years ago.<br />
<br />
I'd like for cancer to disappear in a poof of smoke so we could all cheer and celebrate<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="300" src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/10045_10151595046914101_1873656586_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Easter, me and my dad facing the bright Texas Sun, me with<br />
confetti left-over in my hair. Dad was able to shake the confetti<br />
straight out of all that hair of his. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Since we're having to fight cancer by known methods, my dad finally had no more unexpected delays and was able to have the port surgically installed in his chest that will be used for Chemo treatments. My dad is doing his best to deal with his recent diagnosis of this second cancer that is extremely aggressive, but the prospect of all he's about to confront can be rather daunting. <br />
<br />
Of all times for us to be selling our house and planning to move! I feel compelled to get a little apartment on the outskirts of town so I can be closer to my father. Where is our organization fairy to keep this move on track? Oh, I guess I am that Fairy --- I'm on volunteer duty and do not have wings nor do I sparkle.<br />
<br />
I tell you the same thing I told my dad...some illnesses play with you. One day they visit and do their best to knock you around, the next day they leave you alone. Some illnesses hit your hard, others make a slow-fizz approach before it slams you down. <br />
<br />
Sometimes, you must realize the condition is pulling on you and tugging you toward a life you don't want to embrace...you do your best to live well and to not make this disease the center of your world, but the disease pulls and pulls, trying to wear down your resolve. I say, PICK UP YOUR END and do all you can to get back what you've lost, so pull and don't let go! <br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/561310_10151598346319101_972031214_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="298" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Easter weekend...a positive tug in the health<br />
battle to capture as many wonderful moments<br />
as possible, in spite of ongoing health battles.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The Tug-of-War with your health can be quite challenging, but try to stay in the game. Take it day by day, one day, you might be on the losing end of the battle and other days, you might end on top of the world as a champion...and the other days, in between, when you can tug back and re-gain some ground, do it and be pleased to have not lost ground. <br />
<br />
Savor your wins, enjoy keeping your ground and when the bad days hit, get rested to regain your strength. In addition, don't forget your mental health!!! Direct your mind toward healthy thoughts and keep a good perspective. <br />
<br />
If you experience a low moment, go through it as quickly as possible, then get back on track with self-talk that is positive and geared toward successful self-fulfilling prophecy. Often, our mind and our words help to create the existence we believe we are worthy to receive. <br />
<br />
Challenge yourself to start thinking simple improved thoughts, such as, "I deserve a non-cluttered bedroom" or I am going to find ten things to smile about today because I'm grateful for the good things in the midst of hard times. <br />
<br />
Work on PRESERVING your sweetness and showing your GOODNESS and protect your innocence. Stay as mentally prepared as possible for the next Tug-of-War battle that will come. <br />
<br />
I'm telling myself that I am confronting the unknown, in so many areas of my life, but I am expecting the best case scenarios to eventually come through. And at each bit of good news that comes my way or bit of shining arrow pointing the way to goodness, I am thrilled. All those tug of wars have been worthwhile and I'll keep fighting the good fight, for as long as I can. <br />
<br />
Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-73923858348310659702013-03-13T12:23:00.001-05:002013-03-14T00:36:33.670-05:00# 139 - Good News is Good!Sometimes, you need some good news. <br />
<br />
Backstory: This past summer I had cultures taken that revealed a very serious bacterial infection with "high" numbers of infection for Klebsiella Pneumoniae. At the time, I didn't realize how serious this infection actually was, but I knew I was feeling terrible. <br />
<br />
The specialized laboratory that ran my cultures had also run a list of 17 antibiotics that were tested for effectiveness against my bacterial cultures, a bacteria that is known for being antibiotic resistant. This bacteria comes in a wide range of variations, which can make treating it more difficult. If you have a good immune system, you will likely not have to worry about such bacteria being able to "grow" in your body, but for those of us who have conditions that impact our immune systems or for those of us who are taking medications/treatments that might make the immune system compromised, you can be more at risk.<br />
<br />
It appears that my immune system goes through tremendous ups and downs. When it is good, it's really good and that means, for example, this past Fall I had been surrounded by family members suffering with the Flu, respiratory illnesses, stomach bugs, etc., and I didn't catch one little buggie. But, last summer, I over-extended myself in many directions, and I paid a price. Additionally, I was living under tremendous daily stress which is a BIG no-no for those with Addison's disease and the combination took a toll...I picked up this bacteria, most likely in a medical setting, and it threatened to chew me up and spit me out.<br />
<br />
A lesson I learned is that I must limit the stress I confront on a daily basis so that my system is not depleted of valuable "fight" that should be directed to my Addison's battles. Staying away from those who create battles serves me well.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, my Internal Medicine physician carefully reviewed the list of antibiotics that would have a chance to fight the bacteria. He selected a medicine that appeared to have the strongest impact on the bacteria numbers (the report gives the numbers of bacteria to start with and then the numbers after the antibiotic has been introduced for a few days).<br />
<br />
I went through three-rounds of antibiotics, then I kept delaying the appointment for us to take repeat cultures. My doctor wanted to check on the bacteria levels to make sure we were keeping the infection at bay, even if I wouldn't be able to eradicate it completely. <br />
<br />
Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I had repeat cultures taken. My physician sent the cultures to a highly specialized laboratory in California. The nurses were laughing with me because part of me was getting to travel to California. I guess it seemed especially humorous to them because they'd never had to send cultures to this lab. <br />
<br />
It took extra time to get these test results, but this morning the doctor's office told me that the cultures they obtained showed NO BACTERIA and they specifically tested for Klebsiella Pneumoniae.<br />
<br />
With my notepad and pen ready to take down the bacterial infections numbers, knowing my physician was already poised to make the comparison, I tried to prepare myself for the onslaught of information. <br />
<br />
I cannot begin to express my joy at hearing my favorite nurse tell me that the doctor thinks my medical situation always gives him unexpected shocks, but this one was positive! The cultures showed NO abnormalities whatsoever. <br />
<br />
The result is...healthy, healthy, healthy.<br />
<br />
Therefore, on the days I am feeling drained, it's probably related to Addison's. But, during the time of battling this bacterial infection, my doctor told me that it is important that a patient battling a serious chronic condition does not blame every ailment on their condition or something like this bacterial infection can be easily overlooked. <br />
<br />
So...I've been very blessed. The odds were NOT in my favor, but I can't help but think that my hard-won battles are a testimony to something greater than medical statistics that would otherwise point to a negative outcome.<br />
<br />
Most of all, I know that I savor the beauty and strength of life with loved ones and with fabulous friends who are truly caring and supportive during these challenging battles. As I celebrate this good news that has surprised me, I am feeling rejuvenated!<br />
<br />
It's amazing how a little bit of news can be so powerful!<br />
<br />
I guess the point today is that you can't always listen to people in your life who aren't supportive when you need it most. If someone is hurting with you and dealing with their own suffering because of the bad news, that's one thing, but if someone ever uses your health hurdle as a weapon to wound you deeper than the pain of the diagnosis already inflicts, then that person should probably not be trusted with much of anything regarding your health nor with much of your life, in general. To remain healthy, you must accept the reality of who is REALLY in your corner and who is not. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/577360_10151563915299101_1147666087_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From the tall guy, who is my son-in-law, Henry, to my oldest<br />
daughter, Heather, to my sister, Robin, to my youngest daughter,<br />
Stefanie, to her sweetheart, Brice. A shot from this past weekend.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Let's face it, dealing with a difficult diagnosis is not so easy when the battle is within the body staring back at you in the mirror, so it is important to remember that fact as loved ones around you are dealing with their own health issues. And when those times come to celebrate good news, remember to do it with the people who most deserve your love, time and energy.<br />
<br />
For me, I have a list of people to thank today --- people who knew the odds weren't in my favor with this bacteria, but who helped me in my lowest points. Those people, I will remember and those people I will honor to the core of my heart.<br />
<br />Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-71211847267043290312012-11-30T19:00:00.000-06:002012-11-30T19:12:44.870-06:00# 138 - Road Trip Treasures and TribulationsFor so many years I enjoyed car trips. Getting in the car and heading toward a destination, whether it was to visit family or to go on a vacation, I always enjoyed the sights along the way that can only come from traveling on the road. However, my body being glued together, clipped together, plated together, three ribs removed and part of me patched back together with a tissue transplant has combined to make travel, in a vehicle, a torturous process.<br />
<br />
My mind still has the same old excitement building with anticipation of taking a road trip, but I am now being mentally assaulted with anxiety as a road trip approaches because my body becomes a mass of pain and struggle as each vibration from the road moves through parts of me that are no longer "me."<br />
<br />
I can see that my body can endure approximately two hours on the road, and then it is feeling the impact of the road trip, which is now a great hardship on my body.<br />
<br />
This has been devastating to me because I have always loved driving and going places by highway. Even more upsetting, my daughters each live more than two hours one-way from my current home. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/424794_10151343320229101_2032546589_n.jpg" width="298" /></div>
<br />
One consideration I've been making, lately, is that a truck is not the best form of transportation for my particular difficulties. Since my upper spine has been reconstructed, and is, essentially, in existence due to fused cadaver bone and double-sided hardware with screws and bolts, any road vibration or movement, especially in a truck, will naturally travel to the highest point and one little bump, in a truck, follows the natural course of motion which is not good for the neck area. <br />
<br />
There goes my dream of wanting to buy a Land Cruiser! This is another area of shifting changes requiring adaptation to limitations. And yes, I despise the word "limitation." However, that word is simply a vocabulary description of what all of us must confront, in one way or another, sooner or later. Life always has limitations and boundaries that we must face.<br />
<br />
A lower profile vehicle with a cushioned shock system is the combination I need to be able to travel, realistically. I had to laugh when thinking about this because I realize this is the reason many people with painful body-issues drive a Buick! Regardless, a truck, no matter how cushioned, is not going to work for my body during long distant travel that will be over two hours. For others, a truck will work, but for my cervical spine, it's a disaster. This fact is not a personal choice, it's a forced reality-check that I must confront. <br />
<br />
That being said, I made the road trip from the Houston area to San Marcus as a passenger this week to witness my youngest daughter receiving her class ring at Texas State University. The drive was at least three hours, one-way, and this was a major challenge for my body to endure in a truck driven by my husband. But, I was thrilled to still be able to make it and to see such beautiful moments in life! <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="369" src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/14275_10151343322144101_893945495_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With my youngest daughter who now has her university ring!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
My daughter, Stefie, was adorable as her 90-pound petite frame crossed in front of the stage area to get her ring and to dip it into the waterfall that held water from the San Marcus River that runs into the Guadelupe river. That is the tradition, to dip the ring in the river waters that play such a massive part of this university's history. <br />
<br />
I loved it!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/16168_10151343293249101_287069960_n.jpg" width="258" /></div>
<br />
Her achievement is a beautiful time for me, as a mother. I have now witnessed both of my daughters getting their class rings for their university studies and this has been a huge blessing. I sit back and know that something went right for my two daughters to have had the drive, the ability, the support, and the commitment to earn their four-year degrees in such a strict amount of time. <br />
<br />
We took our growing family out to dinner to celebrate our youngest getting her class ring, and it was wonderful that she got to be the reason for the celebration; it was her turn to shine. She earned this moment and a parent is always very proud to share such times in the life of their adult child. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/255085_10151343300239101_645984831_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="298" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stefie and her Aunt Normandy, both<br />
showing their Texas State rings! A family<br />
tradition that's very special!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/29603_10151343300284101_1018240335_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Timeless.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
The following day, back on the road, I hoped to make it home without any major problems. About two hours into the trip, in a rush of prickling sensation, I completely lost feeling to both of my hands and then, as I stared at my hands and the weird numbness, it traveled up to my forearms. The numbness was a shocking experience because it did not happen gradually, it occurred with suddenness. I was sitting up, alert, moving around in my seat, listening to good music, my arms in frequent motion for this or that, so it didn't make sense. However, as the numbness rushed to my fingers and moved upward with haste, I begin to shift around, I leaned forward, stretched and did everything I could to get feeling back in my arms; however, the numbness kept increasing.<br />
<br />
I shook my arms and squeezed my hands together while looking at them as if they were foreign attachments to my body. It was not a good feeling. Unlike impinged blood flow that can be returned with an adjustment of our limbs, this numbness remained for nearly 45 minutes. I could still move my hands and fingers, but they were in a state of being "asleep" in a flash and remained in this manner for an extended period of time. All I can think is that the spinal cord impingement that I still live with in my cervical spine had been jostled a bit too much, and I paid a price. <br />
<br />
My spine issues go well beyond experiencing back pain, certain situations cause my spine to be under strain with the spinal cord still being impacted by direct impingement, so this affects the functioning of my body. It's not pleasant. And this, of course, creates issues with my Addison's disease. Many people with Addison's disease are dealing with additional problems that make managing the Addison's a difficult prospect. However, as a precaution, I did have my auto-blood pressure cuff in my purse to help me prevent an Addison's crash. <br />
<br />
I can tell anyone with Addison's disease that a wrist blood pressure cuff is probably one of your best defense mechanisms to combat plummeting vitals that are often difficult to measure, until we are feeling the side-effects of fading vitals due to sudden blood pressure dips. Even with stress doses of HC taken while traveling, I still have trouble balancing my condition. It's a challenge. <br />
<br />
I've heard many fellow Addisonians discuss travel by plane being just as difficult, if not more difficult, and often shocking, by the impact traveling by air has on their body. It appears that flying requires hydration to be a super-priority for those with Addison's. Also, a person's body endures more hardship with jet-lag negatively impacting an Addisonian on a level that most "normal" people cannot comprehend. I believe that having Addison's disease or Adrenal Insufficiency, especially if your condition is considered "brittle," can make any kind of travel a health challenge. <br />
<br />
For me, I can't help but mourn my inability to travel by car without a second thought, as I had done for most of my life. Going on a car trip is now like signing up for voluntary torture for me, but it's amazing the level of torture we will endure to do things we love. Still, I opt to travel by road as infrequently as possible because I need to stay independent and the road trip can take a massive toll on my health. <br />
<br />
I guess this is the reason I absolutely LOVE vacationing by cruise. Having the ability to retreat to your cabin and to be supine can be tremendously helpful for a person who has major health challenges, especially if you are not prone to getting seasick. Being able to enjoy such a vacation is empowering, but I can't orchestrate all family gatherings and special events to be held on a cruise-line. Such a shame!<br />
<br />
Anyway, I have had an awesome time seeing my baby get her beautiful class ring and to honor her achievements. She's an amazing young gal and has much to offer society. She will make a wonderful Child Life Specialist. <br />
<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="298" src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/224128_10151343320989101_543417565_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My father-in-law with my Stefie!</td></tr>
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<br />
And...I am going to work on test-driving vehicles that can better provide a cushioned, low-profile, shock-absorbing ride that is less likely to give me major wobble-head problems.<br />
<br />
Then, New York, New York...HERE I COME! :-)<br />
<br />Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-83404111023235490822012-10-08T15:07:00.000-05:002012-10-08T15:12:59.739-05:00# 137 - KPC - Klebsiella PneumoniaeBeing told you have a bacterial infection is something most of us have experienced. Most of us have had to take anti-biotics for some reason or another. Some bacterial infections are rather simple and others are becoming difficult to treat because the bacteria are building up their own resistance, their own defenses, against anti-biotics of today. <br />
<br />
I have another doctor appointment tomorrow, but a couple of months ago, I was tested and shown to have Klebsiella Pneumoniae bacteria. I had never heard of the word. However, I was not very worried, not until I began to see this word pop-up in the news. Then, I began to feel guilty for not pushing my own health issues through because I had allowed myself to fall through the cracks.<br />
<br />
Personally, I am thankful that it appears I do not have symptoms, even though I have tested positive for the bacteria Klebsiella pneumoniae. However, I am getting a double-check on that tomorrow. I did speak with the diagnosing doctor's office today to confirm the presence of this bacteria and will see my Internal Medicine doctor tomorrow to see if I should go ahead and start on a preventative round of anti-biotics. I'm still learning about this bacteria, but am grateful it's not the KPC variety.<br />
<br />
Most important, after I read such terrible things regarding this bacteria and felt like I was spinning in circles, a profound source helped me to sift through the basics regarding this bacteria. That's when I truly began to understand that Klebsiella is a bacteria that has been around for a long time and you can have the bacteria in your system, but NOT BE INFECTED. This source helped me to understand that 1 in 100 people might test positive for this bacteria, but they might never get sick because their immune system keeps the bacteria from colonizing into an infection. <br />
<br />
However, when it is KPC, it is dangerous. KPC is a variant of Klebsiella.<br />
<br />
Very often, a person with this bacteria that has colonized will end up very sick. If a person develops sepsis and dies, the family members might not even know that KPC was involved or they might hear the word Klebsiella mingled with the word sepsis and it would be critical to know this because it means the patient was exposed to bacteria, most likely while in the hospital for the initial reason they were admitted. <br />
<br />
<u>If you or someone you have known has been very ill from a KPC infection or if someone you know has died from a KPC complicated infection, please email me.</u><br />
<br />
For those of us with weakened immune systems, this bacteria is definitely a concern. If you are going to be hospitalized, be sure to speak up about health care workers being diligent with their hand-washing and sanitation efforts. If the health care worker comes into your room, washes their hands, puts on rubber gloves then proceeds to touch the bed railing, the remote control, the room door handle, the sink faucets...then that person is not exactly protecting YOU from bacteria, they are only protecting themselves; You should SPEAK UP. Remind them that you are not wearing a latex protective coating and could they rewash their hands and not touch other items before asking you to open your mouth or before handling items that will touch your own body fluids. It's Germ-Control 101.<br />
<br />
Of course, if you're unconcscious, the hard fact is, you will depend on hospital staff to still maintain rigorous sanitation habits, even if your eyes can't keep an eye on their effort toward due diligence to not spread infection.<br />
<br />
Again, if you have had an actual KPC infection or know who someone who does or who has died from one, email me at <a href="mailto:FindingLana@yahoo.com">FindingLana@yahoo.com</a> because we can take steps to bring awareness to this dangerous bacteria.<br />
<br />
As for me, I am going to be getting more cultures done to make sure my bacteria has not become an infection or that it is not becoming stronger...so that I can keep this bacteria in my body from colonizing to the point of creating a deadly infection.<br />
<br />Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-77431632118045158142012-09-30T22:27:00.001-05:002012-10-01T00:01:26.203-05:00# 136 - C. diff Danger - Protect YourselfI am a writer, a blogger, a simple woman. What is it that has been said of blogging? That it is the graffiti of writing? Well, I've probably put out some graffiti in this attempt at what I call "Reality Writing," and my opinions are personal opinions, but my sharing is always a heartfelt effort mingled with a desire to be informative. This week, I have been reading some of Peter Eisler's writings. He is an investigative journalist with USA TODAY, and the recognition he receives for his work is for good reason.<br />
<br />
I look forward to reading more of his work, even if it makes my skin crawl...in a good way. I often have to pause while reading his work because each sentence is a powerpunch to the brain...it has to be absorbed with a chill-wiggle before I proceed to the next sentence. You can bet that I'll be following his reports, and I suggest you do the same.<br />
<br />
I'm passing this particular topic along because having a broad international readership provides a great spider-web opportunity to help spread information. One little thread of knowledge leads to another, around and round it goes. <br />
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Since many support boards and groups read this blog, I am hoping you can do your part to spread the word about this bacteria I have just learned about in one of Peter Eisler's articles. It's called, "C. diff" which is short for Clostridium difficile. This bacteria could be a danger to any of us, especially those of us with known chronic medical conditions. Understanding C. diff might be vital for each of us to have an added edge to avoid this bacteria and the complications it could invite into our body. I say, face the eye-popping truth revealed in the article that I am providing via an attached link. As for me, I cannot turn my back on potentially life-saving research; I must pass it along. <br />
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Since I have had my fair share of hospitalizations and have another one fast approaching in November, the information I've recently read on a hardy bacteria called "C. diff" has apparently awakened my brain to new dangers at many different kinds of medical facilities. Yet, it seems that many of these medical facilities do not want to fully address. C. diff as a sinister bacteria making an impact upon their controlled environments. It appears that many medical facilities are learning that C. diff is not so easy to shoo away with the squirt of standard anti-bacterial cleanser. <br />
<br />
In Peter Eisler's article, he provides in-depth research to bring awareness about the seriousness of bacterial enemies, such as C. diff, and their wiliness to escape destruction. While reading Mr. Eisler's article, I could only imagine this bacteria to be the foundation for horror sci-fi movies, its ability to cling to the cracks and crannies of hospital equipment and beyond is terrifying. The way this bacteria manifests itself in the human body is no less unthinkable except that is is thinkable. C. diff exists and the realities of it being in a hospital near you is likely. <br />
<br />
This bacteria has proven to have deadly consequences. Just as we carefully strive to be dutiful in locking our doors at night to protect ourselves and our families, it would be wise to know what is on the other side of that locked door. And who hasn't had to made an occasional trip to some kind of medical facility? Sooner or later, most of us have to make that trip, dreaded or not. Are you thinking that you are safe because of that hand-sanitizer you carry around? Think again. Do you believe all hospital-strength cleaners and hospital-strength hand-sanitizers installed every 3-5 feet will be your first-line of defense against this bacteria? Think again. <br />
<br />
That mop that the maintenance crew is swiping down the hall might not be doing anything but tickling this bacteria. <br />
<br />
For me, Peter Eisler had me thinking, first and foremost, about the disinfectants and cleaners used by many hospitals...once you learn about C. diff bacteria, it is quite amazing to discover many hospital disinfectants currently used are not able to kill this bacteria. Changes in cleaners is a simple administrative decision that could be the start in saving lives. However, for a change to occur, acknowledgement of a problem must first be admitted. Unfortunately, hospitals are like the rest of society after a problem is discovered...too many think that the problem won't hit their doorstep, so the foot-dragging toward change often results in disaster.<br />
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More than anything, Peter's investigative reporting demonstrates a direct link between awareness and resulting action. <br />
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I suppose there will be many hospitals who will avoid Mr. Eisler's investigative works as if it were the plague itself. Facing it might mean accountability. His article embraces hard-hitting information which would demand an end to blind-bliss that creates lethal ignorance. However, one nurse, one patient, one resident in town can do their part to pass along Mr. Eisler's article to promote change. If questions aren't asked, everyone keeps their mouth shut, cover-ups continue and denials remain in place.<br />
<br />
Life has continual lessons, avoiding a problem or pretending it doesn't exist won't work. Only by educating ourselves, confronting the issue and following through with an evolving plan can the problem be erased or minimized. <br />
<br />
And the C. diff problem is ALL of our problem because bacteria is not a selective enemy, especially when you look around and believe a medical facility appears sparkly clean. It's hard to imagine that deadly bacteria can still be hiding in the midst of a sterile environment, but C. diff proves that to be the case.<br />
<br />
However, I urge my blog readers to digest this informative article while remembering that bacteria knows no boundaries, bacteria does not require a passport to travel. This bacteria is likely to impact whatever country you reside in, and it would be prudent to at least be aware so you can question your hospital about their protocol regarding this bacteria, especially if you are a health care worker.<br />
<br />
Regardless, remember that most hospitals are run the same as large corporations with liability as their main concern, so the downplay of C. diff statistics is often conveniently shifted with pass-the-buck techniques in an attempt to keep the bacterial "source unknown" and this gives the excuse for patient stats linked to such bacteria the lack of a papertrail. Why would a hospital want to test their patients for C. diff and take accountability for their contamination when a patient may have just been transferred from another facility already infected? If the already-infected patient is counted as testing positive for such a bacteria as C. diff, then the hospital that did not originally cause the infection might be held to the fire. Of course, this blame game comes with a high price, often paid in full by unsuspecting patients who will become infected because of this contagious bacteria being swept under the rug, so to speak. Just remember, this bacteria will happily live under the rug, it can't be swept away so easily.<br />
<br />
Blaming another source as a possible excuse for a patient being exposed to C. diff is an obvious ploy to keep distasteful record-keeping from sticking to name of a medical facility. However, this is one problem that proves that denial is not a viable option. C. diff causes deaths that are hard to explain.<br />
<br />
Would it really matter where the original source of contamination came from if all medical facilities were required to keep their own records to reflect each and every patient that has tested positive for such bacteria infections? Perhaps strict record-keeping protocol would lead to a better understanding of which facilities have the bacteria invasion under control and which ones need to get a handle on such serious problems.<br />
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Peter has shown that some hospitals do indeed record each and every patient diagnosed with such bacterial infections, regardless of the possible original source of contamination...simply keeping record of the number of infected individuals in their facility is giving power to the movement toward controlling contamination. It is refreshing to see some hospitals at least taking ownership for patient stats regarding this bacteria and others, while still acknowledging that the original exposure to the bacteria might have come from another facility.<br />
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Read the article and let me know what you think. I know some of you prefer to email, but just know that I am often slow to open my emails. I am very confident that Peter Eisler's work will make a positive difference in the world because his writing has brought focus to a bacteria that is apparently not as insignificant as liability-protecting entities would have us believe.<br />
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Far more could be done to stop the deadly bacteria C.
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By Peter Eisler, USA TODAY</div>
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USA TODAY</div>
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USA TODAY</div>
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Aug 15, 2012</div>
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Learn more about C. diff, spread the word, click on the link below and arm yourself with the power of knowledge.<br />
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<a href="http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/story/2012-08-16/deadly-bacteria-hospital-infections/57079514/1">http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/story/2012-08-16/deadly-bacteria-hospital-infections/57079514/1</a>Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-7003754839927669822012-09-26T13:45:00.001-05:002012-09-27T16:58:16.481-05:00# 135 - Being SteamrolledTo be "steamrolled" is defined by the wide-web's Urban Dictionary as to be wiped out very quickly without any pause in the attack and to face rapid or continuous destruction. <br />
<br />
Sometimes we can feel as if life is steamrolling us.<br />
<br />
Life is full of challenges. I am going through several simultaneously. Isn't that the way it goes sometimes? Yes, I'm stuck in a place of feeling as if I am being steamrolled. Of course, it would be easier to deal with certain things if there were more time in between each event, but all of it is rather jam-packed into the same time-frame, and that's how it is going for me these days. I come up for air every chance I get.<br />
<br />
Regardless, I will keep moving forward while knowing that dark days will soon give way to light. I'm an eternal optimist, so I know things will end up better than ever, as long as I hang in there.<br />
<br />
One problem I've been encountering is serious nose bleeds. In the past 24 hours alone, I have been battling nose bleeds that make my surroundings look like a crime scene. I will be completely unsuspecting, perhaps reading a book, and all of a sudden I will feel a warm trickle going down my face. My nosebleeds are so serious that I have to cup my hands to catch the flowing blood and run to the sink. Usually, it stops as fast as it began. My nose is free of any sores or irritation, the blood is coming from higher...from somewhere that is obviously under pressure and needing release.<br />
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I was supposed to get an MRI of the brain this past summer, but I never went. Actually, the diagnostic imaging place was constantly back-logged and having trouble fitting me into the schedule, then I let life get in the way. Anyway, I think it's time to get it done. <br />
<br />
Last night, as I laid in bed, sound asleep, I woke up with my throat full of blood and I reached my hand to my face, in the dark, and felt the warm wet sensation. Are you serious? Well, that my was first thought in frustration. In my sleep? This is ridiculous!<br />
<br />
In a hurry, I turned on my nightlight to find my hand covered in blood. Fortunately, I had my tissue close by and was able to catch the blood as my head tilted forward off the pillow. I realized that this can't keep happening. Something is going on. Plus, the wobbly head sensation I've been having lately sure doesn't put me at ease. But, I have so many other things going on that it's hard to tackle each separate problem, which makes it overwhelming to decide which area to focus on first. Then, I remember to keep taking step after step, working to slowly diminish my list of problems with special attention to the most immediate issues. <br />
<br />
I tried to think of what I have done differently to perhaps cause these nosebleeds --- all I can think of is that I've over-done it in the house this week to get it ready for showings, trying to get it sold. Today, I am forcing myself to stay in bed. If a vessel is under pressure, I'm giving it a break today.<br />
<br />
On top of this most recent problem and is reoccuring and demanding my immediate attention, I have been forced to face the fact that I'm about to be admitted into the hospital, and if you are a regular reader, you KNOW how much I detest being in the hospital, for anything. <br />
<br />
For the family members who do their part to stay in touch with me and who are interested in me as well as me being interested in them, they know that I have a hospital admission already planned for the first week of November. My doctor wanted to admit me next week, but I refused because my daughter is getting married in about two weeks. I don't want to take the chance on having something go wrong and me end up not being able to walk out of that hospital and be well enough to attend the wedding. I won't chance it. So, I asked him to push it back. Of course, he thinks I'm nuts, but it's not every day that your daughter is getting married. Also, I don't want to have anything done until she's returned from her honeymoon; if something were to go wrong, the last thing I would want is for my daughter to have her honeymoon tainted by a dreaded phone call. <br />
<br />
If I have a choice in the matter, I will put myself on hold until after the wedding excitement and honeymoon is over. It might be the wrong choice, I realize that, but for me, it's the right choice for the time. <br />
<br />
This wedding is more important to me than I can express. Even though I am struggling, I am determined to be present and without additional worries for this wedding. Afterward, I can be admitted to the hospital and hope everything goes well. Perhaps it will all go so well that I'll be able to breeze through everything and come right back home, but my doctor is taking extra precautions. If it doesn't go well, I won't have the added stress and pressure of feeling as if my situation is causing my kids heartache during a time of expected joy. <br />
<br />
My sister knows of my hospital admission date and she will be by my side to make any decision necessary. My youngest daughter might be available as well and she'd be my first choice for necessary decisions regarding my health, if I happen to be knocked out and needing representation. My doctor has made it clear that I need to make sure that arrangements are made for a person to be able to act on my behalf, so I am ready. I'm doing my part. However, my youngest daughter is going through her own problems and so my sister is ready to step in and be the one to help, if needed.<br />
<br />
For now, I am concerned that my nosebleeds might interfere with the anesthesia that I will be receiving while in the hospital. Even if I am knocked out, just like last night, a nosebleed might start and I am concerned that no one would know about it until I am in distress, especially because of the amount of blood that is involved. All I can do is make them hyper-aware of this potential problem and hope they stay alert enough to handle it, if it should happen at the most inopportune moment.<br />
<br />
As for my hospitalization and upcoming procedures, this is following an amazing Baylor doctor taking my previous CTScans from this past June, scans of my abdomen, and he ordered a second-opinion radiology report. I'm glad he did because it cleared up some wrong assumptions by the first radiologist, but also revealed some definite issues that need to be explored further. Last week, this doctor called me directly. I can tell you that when a doctor is picking up the phone to call you on their own to discuss your radiology report and upcoming procedures and telling you that he hand-picked your surgeon, you know you better listen closely. <br />
<br />
I got the call last week as I was heading to mediation for a lawsuit involving our house that had been destroyed by Hurricane Ike in 2008. Turns out, we had hired schemers who we were led to believe were Public Adjusters, so now I am dealing with that on top of everything else, plus a marriage that is disintegrating with threats to take away the things that mean the most to me. First, there are threats of doing what he can to prevent me from attending my daughter's wedding and next are threats to do his best to keep me from getting our acreage as part of the divorce, even though he doesn't want it, he wants to take steps to keep me from having it as well. <br />
<br />
Then, to know that my youngest daughter is dealing with her own health issues and I cannot even make the trip to be with her during this time is pure agony.<br />
<br />
Things seem to be pouring down, but I keep my faith and know that all of this external chaos cannot touch the peaceful joy within me that is still breathing and looking forward to better days.<br />
<br />
I've been around the block enough times to know that better days are usually ahead, so it's good to never give up. Never!<br />
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It is regretful that so much is happening at once, but there is great joy mixed in the middle of it all...my daughter getting married is something that I have to cling to as other areas are a struggle. Getting to see her be married is one of my greatest delights, even though there is someone who would love to yank that possibility away from me. I've never had that kind of hateful thinking, so it's hard for me to understand. However, I will not let their sinister intentions interfere with my capacity to still experience joy in the middle of heartache. <br />
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I've already been able to make it past massive hurdles, so these in front of me are of little consequence to what I've already faced and conquered. In fact, a few of these hurdles in front of me now will soon be behind me and never able to present itself as a problem again. <br />
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Even though I am not looking forward to a hospital admission and am feeling a bit nervous about all that I will be facing, I am glad to be given the chance to get the worries of any potential problems behind me...the doctors will handle anything they see and I am hoping their expertise will only contribute to my increasing good health. <br />
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As for today, I better get back on top of that MRI of the brain that I was supposed to have so long ago. The nosebleeds are here with a vengeance and I don't want to go through more days of having to rush around trying to handle an internal busted pipe that is creating a mess. I hope it is simply a vessel irritated and that the irritation is not a chain reaction of something else --- I always opt for the most simple explanation! <br />
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For those of you out there who are facing your own hurdles that seem to be piling up on you, remember that you can get past all of them by facing them straight on and just doing what you can, day by day, to make a dent into the situation. It might be too overwhelming to deal with it all at one time or it might not be possible, but set your eyes beyond the hurdle, to the time when it will eventually be a part of your past. New hurdles will always come and that's why it is good to handle them as soon as you can, to prevent the pile-up. If I had done the brain MRI when it was ordered, I would have one less pile on my plate to scrape clean. As it is, I will do my best to do some catching up and to even get ahead of the game so I can be more prepared to enjoy each good day to the fullest.<br />
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And for good news, as I close out this post that is taking me FOREVER to write...I just got a confirmation that my brain MRI is scheduled early tomorrow morning, so that part will soon be finished and might help to find the source of these serious nosebleeds that catch me completely off guard. I'm taking my steps, bit by bit, to pass more hurdles!<br />
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I am wishing all of you the blessing of contentment with spurts of joy that will be so strong as to overshadow all else. To me, that is the best that life can give us. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This past Sunday, on my way to a memorial for<br />
an old friend. Treasure life while you can!</td></tr>
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Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-72336921139593461812012-09-19T00:22:00.001-05:002012-09-19T00:22:25.177-05:00# 134 - Be Who You AreLately, I have been searching for inspiration to keep going through the ups and downs of life, and the great thing about inspiration is that it is everywhere, you simply must be open to receiving it.<br />
<br />
This past week, I came across some writings by Joseph Campbell, and I thought I'd share because every word is striking me with such depth that I cannot pick and choose which words to discard.<br />
<br />
Mr. Campbell had me at the first sentence, "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."<br />
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Oh, if only all of us could truly accept the privilege of being who we are...not pretending, not lying, not allowing duplicity. It would be such a gift to ourselves and to others to be able to embrace ourselves by living with authenticity combined with compassion for others and for ourselves.<br />
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Anyway, read on. I hope you take something away from it that you need right now as well. After all, inspiration is there for the taking, we only need to grasp it and hold tight.<br />
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<br />
<strong>The Hero’s Journey (On Living in the World) by Joseph Campbell</strong><br />
The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.<br />What you have to do, you do with play.<br />Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.<br />The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.<br />
Being alive is the meaning.<br />
The warrior’s approach is to say “yes” to life: “Yea” to it all.<br />
Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.<br />We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.<br />When we talk about settling the world’s problems, We’re barking up the wrong tree.<br />The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It has always been a mess.<br />
We are not going to change it.<br />Our job is to straighten out our own lives.<span id="more-444"></span><br />We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.<br />
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.<br />
If we fix on the old, we get stuck. when we hang onto any form, we are in danger of putrefaction.<br />Hell is life drying up. The Hoarder, the one in us that wants to keep, to hold on, must be killed.<br />If we are hanging onto the form now, we’re not going to have the form next.<br />You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.<br />
Destruction before creation.<br />
Out of perfection nothing can be made. Every process involves breaking something up. The earth must be broken to bring forth new life. If the seed does not die, there is no plant.<br />Bread results from the death of wheat. Life lives on lives. Our own life lives on the acts of other people.<br />If you are lifeworthy, you can take it. What we are really living for is the experience of life, both the pain and the pleasure.<br />The world is a match for us. we are a match for the world. Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging. Negativism to the pain and ferocity of life is negativism to life.<br />
We are not there until we can say “Yea” to it all.<br />
To take a righteous attitude toward anything is to denigrate it. Awe is what moves us forward. As you proceed through life, following your own path, birds will shit on you. don’t bother to brush it off. Getting a comedic view of your situation gives you spiritual distance. Having a sense of humor saves you. Eternity is a dimension of here and now.<br />
The divine lives within you. Live from your own center.<br />
Your real duty is to go away from the community to find your bliss. The society is the enemy when it imposes its structures on the individual.<br />On the dragon there are many scales. Every one of them says “Thou Shalt.” Kill the dragon “Thou Shalt.” When one has killed that dragon, one has become The Child.<br />Breaking out is following your bliss pattern, quitting the old place, starting your hero journey, following your bliss. You throw off yesterday as the snake sheds its skin.<br />
Follow your bliss.<br />
Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-18209621464513703652012-09-16T18:33:00.001-05:002012-09-16T18:33:22.644-05:00# 133 - Super Bug --- WHAT THE HECK?This past weekend, reading online news updates gave me a shocker.. I was skimming an article with a leisurely attitude, yet with a tad bit of wariness, because the article was about a "Super Bug." First, as I read, I felt a tad bit of relief that the location of the Super Bug outbreak is quite a distance from Texas, not that our state-line boundaries would protect any of us with today's high transportation level, but frankly, the distance was one of my first thoughts of self-protection. Then, with more reading, I felt so bad for the little boy in the article who had obviously been battling massive health issues, only to be randomly hit with this Super Bug. I stopped reading for a moment to consider the unfairness of life, poor child. <br />
<br />
Then, my attention sharpened along with a slight ringing in my head as the name for the Super Bug jumped at me. Klebsiella Pneumoniae (KPC). This is the very diagnosis that I had been given a couple of months ago, it had been found after direct testing of my bladder, and it is still an ongoing battle. <br />
<br />
It would seem that the location of this bug in your body is critical, but after reading the below article, I wondered if I should be a little freaked about about my own tests confirming I have Klebsiella Pneumoniae. Needless to say, this article prompted my jaw to hang open a tad. Is my version of it contagious?<br />
<br />
Indeed, I had been told that this would be an uphill battle for me, especially since my immune system is suppressed due to having Addison's disease and due to the treatment for Addison's being steroids, which hampers healing. No one mentioned that I might be contagious or even wanted to discuss it further, other than the doctor's office calling me to give me the diagnosis. I had to tell the nurse to hold on a second, this long weird word needed a pen and paper to make it more understandable. As the nurse said each letter so I could spell out the words, I could not even understand what she was telling me. I'd never seen those words before. And no, I was not impressed with this doctor's office handling of the matter. She pushed me back to my Internal Medicine doctor and told HIM to treat this diagnosis. So sweet. <br />
<br />
But, I do know that if this germ hits the lungs, then death is mostly likely to occur. I am still very confused about this germ/bacteria and how it could be in my body, isolated to one area? If you know of any answers, please share.<br />
<br />
There is no doubt that I will be calling my doctor tomorrow to find out more about my own situation. I certainly need to pin down the facts about the potential for this germ to spread. In my situation, the initial explanation is that it is contained within my body. But, after reading this article, I will not take a brush-off answer, I want details because my oldest daughter is getting married in October and I want to know exactly what I have been dealing with. I will probably go back and be retested...as unpleasant as that had been, I will do whatever is necessary to combat this Super Bug. In fact, I will probably stick with Baylor Medical Center that I have recently found to be excellent at replacing my other doctors and have them do their own tests and treatments, as they see fit to combat my own KPC.<br />
<br />
The article I read over the weekend, released via Yahoo online news, is posted below...<br />
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<span class="yiv1900741842entry-title" id="yui_3_2_0_1_1347815851523108">Superbug kills 7th person at Md. NIH hospital</span></h1>
<cite class="yiv1900741842byline yiv1900741842vcard"><span class="yiv1900741842provider yiv1900741842org"><span class="yiv1900741842author yiv1900741842source-org yiv1900741842vcard"><span class="yiv1900741842org yiv1900741842fn">Associated Press</span></span></span> – 8 hrs ago</cite></div>
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<span class="yiv1900741842yshortcuts yiv1900741842cs4-visible" id="yiv1900741842lw_1347742220_1">BETHESDA, Md.</span> (AP) — A <span class="yiv1900741842yshortcuts yiv1900741842cs4-ndcor" id="yiv1900741842lw_1347742220_3">deadly germ untreatable</span> by most <span class="yiv1900741842yshortcuts yiv1900741842cs4-ndcor" id="yiv1900741842lw_1347742220_5">antibiotics</span> has killed a seventh person at the <span class="yiv1900741842yshortcuts yiv1900741842cs4-visible" id="yiv1900741842lw_1347742220_0">National Institutes of Health Clinical Center</span> in Maryland.</div>
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The <span class="yiv1900741842yshortcuts
yiv1900741842cs4-ndcor" id="yiv1900741842lw_1347742220_6">Washington Post</span> (http://wapo.st/OPQOYb) reported the death Friday. <span class="yiv1900741842yshortcuts yiv1900741842cs4-visible" id="yiv1900741842lw_1347742220_2">NIH</span> officials told the paper that the boy from Minnesota died Sept. 7. NIH says the boy arrived at the research hospital in Bethesda in April and was being treated for complications from a <span class="yiv1900741842yshortcuts yiv1900741842cs4-ndcor" id="yiv1900741842lw_1347742220_4">bone marrow transplant</span> when he contracted the bug.</div>
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He was the 19th patient at the hospital to contract an antibiotic-resistant strain of KPC, or Klebsiella pneumoniae. The outbreak stemmed from a single patient carrying the superbug who arrived at the hospital last summer.</div>
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The paper reported the Minnesota boy's case marked the first new infection of this superbug at NIH since January.</div>
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Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-66733457639831746452012-09-16T01:51:00.000-05:002012-09-16T16:21:01.394-05:00# 132 - Modified YogaThis past week, I went to see a new doctor to replace another Dr. I have seen for the past decade. These kinds of switches are hard to do, especially when you have been through the wringer with one doctor and do not want to start all over with guinea pig testing. <br />
<br />
Best of all, this new doctor's location is much closer to me than the other doctor which saves me a lot of time, it saves me money on gas, and I do not have to travel across three different highways to get there. Basically, she is close by and we hit it off instantly. As you know, not all doctors are likable.<br />
<br />
In fact, she asked me if I had been able to do any kind of exercise with my mobility issues and I explained that I do like being on my land, walking, being in nature and that I had enjoyed doing Yoga a long time ago. Her eyes lit up. She said, "I want you to join me in Yoga next week, no charge. It's a modified Yoga class for people who have had joint replacements or other issues, and it will be unlike any other Yoga class you've seen before. I'll be there and think you will really enjoy it."<br />
<br />
I accepted her invitation. Which she gave me a real invitation that she wrote out; she told me to call a certain number, to tell them the doctor had invited me and they will reserve a spot for me. It's a class that is available for attendance by invitation only, so I also do not have to worry about the Yoga perfectionist critiquing the rest of us.<br />
<br />
I'm going to try it out.<br />
<br />
In fact, I still have my Yoga mat. It's been a long time, but I am willing to tackle a modified Yoga program so that I can stretch these muscles of mine and give my joints some exercise under the guidance of someone who has seen MRI images of my body that has been put back together by human-engineering. <br />
<br />
Also, this is a phase in my life that is finding me making new friends, trying to get out of the house more often and re-building my life in a better way. One meaningful outing I had yesterday was to see my grandmother. Since my mother has died from breast cancer, it is especially important for my grandmother and I to have time together, we both miss my mom so much...my grandmother had to lose a child and be so lonely to have her daughter still, but at least we have each other. She's 83 years old now and has had a rough time of it, but she still laughs and wants me to be free of any suffering. Unfortunately, for all of us, life includes the bitter with the sweet.<br />
<br />
I made both of us dinner and we talked for hours. Nothing feels as good as being with her and getting to see the strong stock I am made of!<br />
<br />
Also, I look at her and realize how my oldest daughter and my grandmother are nearly identical in body type. My daughter even has my grandmother's feet...like a carbon copy. They both are the exact same height, tall women, and they both have full figures. Yes, my oldest daughters takes very much after my grandmother who could still wear a bikini in her mid-40's and wear it very well. My grandmother used her tallness to exude gracefulness and that is my daughter...even their arm and hand movements are so similar. It is a striking resemblance and I'm glad to see it so clearly.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="300" src="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/s720x720/417295_10151173123319101_1015195619_n.jpg" width="400" /></div>
<br />
The great thing is that the positive changes in my life are bolstering to my physical state, my emotional state, and it lifts my spirit. No matter what anyone says to me to be destructive, I am full of light and can see the beauty of life all around me. I'm so thankful to share that side of me with others who appreciate me for the person I am, the good and the bad. A grandmother is the perfect person to share your love with...I am blessed to have her for as long as I can, especially since my mom had to leave us all too soon. <br />
<br />
Life is not always as we wish it to be, but it can be beautiful just the way it is...as long as the right perspective is maintained. I'm doing my best, day by day, that's all we can do, strive to do our best with what we are given.Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-85476644808915240152012-09-03T04:12:00.000-05:002012-09-03T04:12:55.735-05:00# 131 - West Nile Virus - Getting SeriousI am a Texas resident and there have been several huge reports over the past few weeks of people contracting the West Nile Virus from mosquitoes. In fact, several people have died. I believe the first two people to die a couple of weeks ago were in the Dallas area, near where my oldest daughter, Heather, lives.<br />
<br />
It is difficult to put this in the back of your mind when it is coming on the news constantly. I do not get overly concerned about many news stories because of sensationalism, but I know this virus is a real threat. I now hear the mosquito trucks racing down our street most every night and that is a reason to be concerned because our area rarely has the mosquito trucks running. I guess the virus is spreading so much that each city is in desperation mode to not have an outbreak linked to their city-name. <br />
<br />
However, it became more difficult to live normal, as usual, when I catch a government-promoted commercial that was aired this evening, filmed with David Lakey, M.D., the Texas Commissioner of Health as the featured speaker. The title next to his head on the screen is, "West Nile Virus: Protect Yourself." <br />
<br />
Dr. Lakey starts out by saying, "The West Nile Virus is threatening Texas, but you can protect yourself."<br />
<br />
The commercial goes on to list a number of four "easy tips: to protect yourself from contracting this virus that is transmitted via a mosquito bite:<br />
<br />
1. Always use insect repellent. <br />
2. Wear long sleeves and pants outside<br />
3. Stay indoors at dawn and dusk<br />
4. Drain standing water (they show a tire in the yard being lifted so water can be drained)<br />
<br />
The commissioner then says, "These tips are your best defense. People older than fifty or with underlying health problems are most at risk for getting ill from the virus." <br />
<br />
Finally, he gives a suggestion to "learn more about the West Nile Virus at TXWestNile.org," which has the website also displayed on the screen. Then, the commercial comes to a close.<br />
<br />
After seeing this commercial, I am starting to realize that this virus is much more serious than I had been thinking; it seems to have spread so much that the state government is intervening. If any of you have worked for the government, you kind of know that this is a sign that things are probably going much worse than the general public realizes. <br />
<br />
I do admire the Commissioner for speaking straight-forward and no one can say he did not try to warn Texans to protect themselves. However, we just left the month of August by a couple of days and it's a pain to keep spraying insect repellent on your body after you just stepped out of the shower with clean skin and the suggestion to wear long sleeves and pants when outside is something few Texans will consider. At this time of year...most are wearing cool clothes so they do not suffer a heat-stroke. So, I think #2 on the list will be most difficult to convince people to do. <br />
<br />
As for #3 with staying indoors at dawn and dusk, I am doing that already. However, I do step outside early in the morning to feed the chickens, so I guess I should put a can of insect repellent at the door and spray a quick burst of mosquito repellent on me before heading outdoors to spread chicken feed. Since I rarely go out at dusk, this one is covered for me, but for so many others, they are enjoying their evenings out without thinking about becoming seriously ill from this virus.<br />
<br />
Regardless, this commercial has been a wake-up call. <br />
<br />
As of August 30th, in Houston and Harris County combined, there have been 30 confirmed West Nile Virus cases and three deaths. The news says to wear a product with DEET as it is more effective in preventing mosquito bites. I believe the overall death toll for the West Nile Virus, as of just a couple of weeks ago, had reached approximately 17 people...I don't know exact stats, but for my metropolitan area, for there to be three deaths and then two that I know of in the Dallas area, it appears to be making its round. Supposedly, this is becoming widespread more quickly than anticipated.<br />
<br />
I will do my best to protect myself and hope that I can convince my daughters to be wise and heed the warnings of the state commissioner for this health issue. It would be better to be safe than sorry.<br />
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<br />
Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-73258387369567167562012-08-27T23:38:00.003-05:002012-08-28T09:07:25.236-05:00# 130 - Life RipplesThroughout the past decade and beyond, there have been times in my life when I have been forced to accept the help of others on a level I never dreamed I would need while still so young, in my early thirties. In 2001, after my diagnosis of Addison's disease that came after a serious decline, there was a time frame when I needed others to help with almost every aspect of my life.<br />
<br />
There was a period of time when I could not drive, could not cook, could not clean, could hardly walk, could not do my children's laundry...my body had become so depleted of cortisol that it was crashing and my blood pressure remained so low as to barely sustain life. Without a diagnosis, I did not have the medications necessary to treat this life-threatening condition. In fact, I went so long without diagnosis or treatment that my organs began to fail. Going from doctor to doctor did not help because they thought I appeared healthy and strong, but my vitals definitely showed multiple issues that continually remained charted as "chronic low blood pressure," and "fever of unknown origin," and "sodium deficiency," and "potassium deficiency." In those days, as my condition remained a mystery, my body functions deteriorated so far that I could barely move without losing consciousness. Then, I began to experience Code Blue situations. Of course, at the time, I did not know they were Code Blue moments, but I soon learned the awful truth of my situation.<br />
<br />
I dreaded going to sleep because too many times I would awaken without the ability to breathe...my lungs would somehow be paralyzed and without air. I remember awakening in a panic after realizing I could not breathe, as if someone had control of a switch for air in the room and it had been flipped to "no air." I could not gasp a saving breath. My body would convulse in an attempt to force my lungs to start heaving in and out, yet nothing would happen. Somehow, I would manage to get to my feet or I would collapse on my knees at my bedside floor with my hands clawing at my throat as I went through terror magnified by the inability to yell for help. I could not breathe...How could I ask for help? <br />
<br />
Needing help and not being able to ask for it is one of the most pitiful situations we can experience in life...if I had been teetering on a cliff edge, I would have felt better than gasping for air as my husband slept soundly. Sometimes, I would start pounding the bed to wake him up, other times, he woke me with a sense of urgency after he realized I had stopped breathing for an extended period of time. But, during those dark times of having air kept from me, I would often nearly reach the point of passing out and my burning lungs would suddenly come back to life, opening for a raspy gulp of air.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, as my body went into a constant state of Addisonian Crisis due to constant misdiagnoses, this became my nightly scene. Sometimes this would occur multiple times per night. Eventually, I became terrified to fall asleep because I knew my body would fall into a state of deep sleep and the combination slumber with serious illness of my adrenal system meant normal functions would no longer be sustainable. However, with nearly non-existent blood pressure and depleted cortisol, I often had to fight to stay conscious during daylight hours.<br />
<br />
Finally, the diagnosis came, after another Code Blue experience while in the hospital. My monitored symptoms set off alarms at my side, on the floor, and prompted a booming voice over the cardio-floor intercom to send medical staff scurrying into my room. However, I immediately realized that this body experience was similar to those that I had been having at home for weeks, without medical intervention. I do not know how I pulled out of those codes so often on my own, but my body was obviously not ready to submit to full shut-down mode. The way I see it, during that awful time in my life, my body was sputtering.<br />
<br />
Back home, after my diagnosis, I learned that my "recovery" process would be painstakingly long and with alternating good and bad days. Most often, I would need some kind of assistance. The disappointment at not being able to bounce back, as if I had just recovered from the common cold, had been devastating. <br />
<br />
I still felt like jello very much of the time; my vision and reflexes were not yet reliable enough to do the simplest of things, such as driving my children to school. Thanks to several of my friends and my mother, my youngest would have daily rides to and from school. Stefie didn't have the option to take a bus because the school was approximately 5-6 blocks away. This presented us with a stressful dilemma during stormy weather or on days when she was dragging from the incredible stress at home. Since she was still in elementary school, it bothered me to my core that she did not have a mom available to take her to school and to pick her up. At the Junior High level, my oldest daughter, Heather, had a bus available every day. Her bus stopped at only three houses down from our own, so Heather had reliable rides to and from school during this volatile time of never knowing whether I would be home or in the hospital from day to day. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="216" src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/225039_10150187949269101_7801997_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My eyes are closed, as was often the case for photos<br />
and my youngest, Stefie, also has very sensitive eyes<br />
that really NEED the courtesy countdown before the click!<br />
But, this picture is to show the approximate time-frame<br />
as the kids were close to this age when I became very ill <br />
with undiagnosed Addison's disease, for too long.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
My oldest daughter, Heather, was in Junior High, at a pivotal time in her life. The way I reached out to her during my physically weakest moments was to have her come into my room, to lay with me and just talk. We did talk...about school, projects, friends, boys and boys and boys. Still, she kept a careful, guarded eye on all that was happening, she did not trust her life to remain stable because she had seen things crumble too fast. Teenage girls are already in a rough spot when things are going great at home, a teenage girl is always in the middle of some personal crisis, they do not need to have a home-life disintegrating. Heather went through phases of rebellion at the world's mistreatment, but she discovered that her mother would still be her mother, whether in good health or in suffering health. She still had a mother; it did not take long for Heather to learn to handle the hardships with grace; she grew up fast while figuring out how to grab hold of a good moment and make it last.<br />
<br />
As my auto-pilot was failing, my husband's was coming to life. Even though he moved through the day with exhausting numbness for so long, he held the family together when I could not do anything as simple as carry a feather duster. The main parts, he held together. For his kids, he morphed into a man who began to be present for his family in a different way. Even though my complete downturn didn't last for long periods of time, they caused enough upheaval to create major changes in our family dynamics.<br />
<br />
For all of us, life changed.<br />
<br />
My health struggles were powerful and they created a ripple effect reaching out to those closest to me. Surprisingly, those ripples would also impact outsiders who were remotely attached to our lives. I learned that every life creates a ripple effect.<br />
<br />
One of my helpers during this time had been my best-friend. She would cook full four-course meals for my family. Kelly would come over and clean my house. During my days of being healthy, I usually walked around the house with a dust-rag in hand, things stayed clean, but when I became dependent, I could not even wipe the dust off the surfaces in my house. After I became very ill and mostly bed-ridden, I would see dust floating in the light beams filtering through my bedroom windows and those floating specks seemed to taunt me. Dusting the house...this chore had seemed so simple, it required minimal effort, even if it was boring and tedious, I always did a great job of keeping it done. But, lying in bed, unable to walk around with freewill means that the dust piles up. Day after day, the dust increased and reminded me that life was moving forward while I was forced to lay there and watch it whirl around me. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="337" src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/564456_10151145317604101_834522115_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my best-friend, Kelly. This photo was taken a few months ago<br />
and I am so grateful to have a friend like her in my life. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I laid in bed and would stare at the dust on the television, on the bedroom furniture, on the picture frames...things in our lives were literally falling apart and dust was collecting. Life felt reduced...as if I were being entwined with the increasing dust in my life. <br />
<br />
Isn't the term "dust to dust" for good reason? Was I also slowly becoming nothing but dust? <br />
<br />
I knew in those moments of staring at the dust that I didn't have the energy or the good health to tackle something so insignificant. Watching my surfaces become coated became indicative of how serious our situation had become with my decline. The little things, all the motions taken forgranted, I mourned their loss. I could only imagine when I would be able to walk around without a care in the world as my body cooperated again to allow me to do menial things such as wipe off a bookshelf or sweep the floor. <br />
<br />
I laid there, not being able to communicate my inner sufferings to match my outer failing; I knew things in my world would never be the same again.<br />
<br />
Fast-forward nearly ten years to the time I discovered my neck had collapsed and that I had a spinal cord impingement so severe that it caused a spinal cord injury in the form of a large lesion across my C2 section of cord. My hands were numb; my feet were numb; I lost fine-motor detail ability...could not pick up a penny off the counter. I dropped things constantly because I thought the object was in my grasp, but I somehow lost the ability to control that grasp. My feet and legs were not moving to my brain automatically ordering them to do so...I would look down at my legs in complete confusion because they would not move forward to take the steps I was expecting. Everything felt detached. Were these body parts really mine? <br />
<br />
Surgery would be brutal. Double-sided cervical spine reconstruction would be necessary with three vertebrae rebuilt using cadaver bone and large metal plates put in front at my neck area and in the back of my neck area, both plates were screwed into place with large screws and bolts coming from front and back to stabilize my neck. This was literally a life-saving surgery. Before surgery, with the spinal cord injury had come moments when my breathing would stop and start, as if my lungs were not functioning properly, kind of like a mechanical failure. Regardless, that old horror of not being able to breathe revisited me in a different manner...simply because that part of the spinal cord controls our breathing function. As my surgeon told me, if my neck collapsed any further onto the spinal cord, I'd stop breathing and it would be the end. <br />
<br />
After this surgery, I was faced yet another long, painful recovery. I would need help for many of my daily functions. Granted, I am one determined woman and did many things on my own, even after surgery, but the swelling in my neck from being cut open at front and back would become so dangerous as to not allow saliva to be swallowed. If I moved around too much, the swelling would get worse and I would almost suffocate from the minimal room I had for air to get through and my tongue was swollen and grotesquely discolored after surgery. I do not know if this was from an intubation injury or from the spinal cord injury itself, but it did not help matters in the least. I had a hand-full of problems on my plate after surgery, such as the staple left in my head from the halo that had been attached to my skull during surgery so they could flip my body from back to front for the double-sided surgery and keep my neck stabilized for the change in positions. The staple remained in my head for weeks, even as I tried to remove it myself with the staple-remover from my desk drawer and when that didn't work, I pled with my husband and daughter to just yank it out. Both refused to touch it. After surgery, I had been sent home with the staple still attached to the temple area of my scalp, my blood soaked hair could not be fully washed while in the hospital due to the staff not wanting to take a chance on moving my surgically reattached spine, so the staple became my nagging buddy for a while. Into the bone the staple set deep and could not be budged. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="480" src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/531075_10151145275614101_663420877_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Several weeks after surgery and I am FINALLY getting<br />
the staples removed from my head and from the incision at<br />
the back of my neck. I am scared, but it is such a relief to get<br />
the staple out of my skull as my hair-brush kept catching on it.<br />
The incision at the front of my neck is also healing nicely.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Accepting help with preparing my food, refilling my drinks, helping me to shower, to change clothes...all of it became necessary. My strong will and sense of independence meant nothing, it was left unfulfilled and floundering. A walk to the kitchen became a 500 mile marathon in the desert. Finally, I reached the point of being able to walk with my tray that held my plate and I would take it back to the kitchen, carefully balancing each step along the way since I did not have the ability to look down or sideways; I would set the tray down on the kitchen counter and have to leave it there. I could not stand upward long enough to do more than that little walk and the tray felt like a fifty pound weight that put pressure on my swollen upper spine to create pain and more swelling that I did not need. <br />
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I soon learned the swelling in my neck would be a battle that I would face for a long time...it did ease a bit, but the swelling then morphed into making my arms and hands go numb again. This probably lasted for a year after surgery. Spine reconstruction at this level is not for sissies, but even if you are a sissy and you require this surgery, you do not have much of a choice. The choice is, have the spinal reconstruction surgery or live for only a short time longer, until you become paralyzed from the neck downward with the inability to breathe on your own. After surgery, if I did too much, which was absolutely minimal movement, I would find myself with limbs that felt detached and as if hundreds of ants were crawling all over me, the same as before the surgery, and this was terrifying. <br />
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Regardless, approximately two weeks after my spinal reconstruction, my youngest daughter, Stefie, drove me to one of my business closings because I had an obligation and was determined to meet it. I put on my best clothes, with my daughter's assistance, and I went into that closing with my huge plastic neck brace around me, yet I tried to play it off by saying, "...it looks much worse than it really is." They did not look convinced. In reality, I felt humiliated at appearing weak, so I worked very hard to look "normal." With my purple, swollen tongue, this was quite an amazing feat to try to mask my condition. My clients happened to be a pastor and his wife of a local church; I will never forget their expressions and pleas that I just go home. But no, I stayed and did my job. I paid for it heavily once I was back at home, but I did my job. There would be more moments like this due to the obstinate side of my personality. <br />
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Often, I felt as if my family members were frustrated by me doing too much, but it also seemed they were conflicted within themselves because they also wanted me to get back to normal right away. All of us were struggling. All of us wanted our old idea of "normal" back, but it was long gone. Often, I would feel sad because everyone would leave for their day...just knowing that they had the luxury to be able to leave for a few hours of normal life while I was stuck inside of abnormal, well, it sometimes hurt. Those were hard moments in the beginning, but I also realized that each of us will have our own turn at being the one stuck in the body that isn't cooperating and we cannot expect others to walk in our shoes, so I let go of that feeling rather quickly, but it was powerful at the time it hit me. <br />
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However, my husband would take care every morning to provide me with at least two drinks at my bedside table...tea and water. He would put food next to the drinks and would take time to prepare quick-grab items at the ready in the fridge. My daughter would come in to see me before leaving for school and she'd make sure I had everything I needed before she headed out the door. I feel most regretful of this time because I know Stefie struggled deeply with not wanting to leave for school; she was terrified that her absence would equal my demise. However, I learned long ago, during my Code Blue moments, that the body would keep going for as long as it chose to keep going, but once it decides to stop, it has just as much power to quit as it does to continue. Stefie had not yet realized that she did not have ultimate control over my outcome on the level she imagined with a child-like quality...as if she were here and present, she might be able to ward off the worst case scenario. Yes, she might help me tremendously, but if the worst were to occur, the truth was, I did not want her home to witness it or to feel responsible for responding to an emergency situation.<br />
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My grandmother came to my house and stayed for a couple of weeks to help me during my recovery after the spine surgery. She was incredible. We are very close; she would sit behind me and even though I had on my cumbersome neck brace, she would lift the back of my shirt and gently rub my back and shoulders with such affection, as if she were trying to erase the pain. She gently took a washcloth and rubbed away as much of the iodine on my skin as she could. She succeeded in making me feel better. Her nurturing touch helped to relax my tense, enclosed, chopped up muscles. Throughout the day, she would quietly come into my room and we would lie on my bed together, she took great care to move with painstaking slowness so the bed would not move. Even though I could not talk much due to swelling issues, she would say, "I know you can't respond by talking much and you certainly can't nod your head, just blink and it will be the same as regular conversation between us."<br />
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That is love.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="400" src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/305002_10151145295369101_936180517_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="282" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my grandmother.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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In truth, I was surrounded by people who wanted to help, but many did not know what to do. Many people and churches prayed for me, I remained on several prayer lists for a long time. Not to make an excuse to not visit someone who is ailing, but sometimes it is best to leave the person alone so they can heal. However, I now know that someone who is sick can hugely benefit from a person looking around and seeing what needs to be done without invading the person's privacy. A person like myself will put up a fight to keep from being helped, but I must say, all those years ago, after my Addison's diagnosis, my friend coming over to wipe away the dust that tortured me had been a gift beyond her understanding. <br />
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For others, it might be helpful do do such things as preparing easy to heat up food, cleaning house, running errands to get groceries, helping with laundry, cleaning the bathroom, taking the kids to the park or getting them school supplies or their favorite food to have in the kitchen, changing the bedding...just dusting the furniture...it all adds up and is meaningful.<br />
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I am thankful for those who came to visit, and I appreciate those who brought in their gentleness and their smiles. I appreciated those who didn't ask me how I was doing while seeing me in such an awful state that was pretty evident of how I was feeling. I appreciate those who still felt compelled to ask how I was doing because I knew they were struggling with what to say, but they still came. And, I appreciate those who knew that my silence and withdrawal was nothing personal against them, but it was necessary for me due to the lengthy healing requirements of my bodily structure and of my mind.<br />
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To my family, I thank you for putting up with the potentially hundreds of trays with plates of dried-up food left on them in the kitchen during the time I could not do more than leave it there for someone else to handle. It was not an easy journey during this time to make that trek to the kitchen and back, but I am walking around near normal today because of the help I received back then. I am still lack fine motor capabilities in my hands and fingers, sometimes they cause me infinite frustration at their uncontrollable nerve-jumping that makes a rogue finger tap the wrong keys while typing, but they obey me on a level that is good enough for an outsider to never know there is a problem. <br />
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In fact, I have again decided to start sketching...I am a former art major of Visual Arts and Design for studies in Humanities, but I have not done a sketch in years. Years of studies at the university brought me untold joy, but the spinal cord injury put a long halt to all of my greatest joys...piano playing, art, and my growing love for embroidery, but I am starting back with these things and I just gave my youngest my first real sketch since my cervical spine reconstruction...I gave it to her this past Friday for her 22nd birthday. I hope she knows how much it means to me to be able to give that gift to her, it also represents a "thank you" for all she has sacrificed for me. <br />
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While sketching, it is painfully obvious to me that my nerve conductions are still a bit abnormal because my fingers are often difficult to control during precise movements necessary to finish a sketch. This makes sketching details, such as the eyes, a great feat. Before recently, I am sad to admit that I had been trying to avoid doing too many things that would put those harsh reminders directly into my path. But, I have gone through another phase of confronting changes in my body. For me, this has been liberating. Sketching reminds me that such detailed work for my particular situation is much more challenging than it had been during my pre-spine-surgery days, but I am moving forward. I can now finally understand the reason painting had become a stressful event...paint is more unforgiving than graphite and charcoal which can be reworked with the help of an eraser. Still, as I start to sketch again, I get into the zone of sketching as I listen to music and can almost forget about my problems, but then, that finger jerks out of control and sends the pencil in a shocking motion...I have to stop, take a deep breath and start erasing. <br />
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Sketching does put me in the line of fire with being frequently interrupted by uncooperative body movements, but I also know, with awe, that I am glued together with bits and parts that will never duplicate the real deal, but I simply keep the eraser nearby and clean up the pencil scratches caused by occasional involuntary jerking movements. Maybe the longer I keep at it, the less inclined I will feel like screaming in frustration when the charcoal pencil jumps and makes a mark I didn't ask for across the page. It's a good lesson, another step for me to take toward accepting my situation and doing all that I can with what I am given. I am so grateful that at least I can draw, and I can erase. <br />
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I'm amazed at what I am capable of doing after all that I have been through...my body is held together by parts from donors, by the engineering of man and by the surgical genius of a beautiful neuro-spine doctor. I marvel at the ability to open and close my fingers and to take a step up a staircase. It is amazing to be confident that my brain can send a message to lift a leg and it will obey the auto-order for movement. I know how much these abilities mean because I grew up with a mother who had a left paralyzed arm and a right paralyzed leg. I already understood the loss of these functions in a way that a lot of people don't because I grew up in a household ran by a mother who had experienced a loss of those limbs at age five from Polio, so I could not believe that my broken neck was going to rip my ability to enjoy motion away from me, only three years after losing my mother to cancer. I guess, in a way, it is good she was not around to see my struggle with my spinal cord injury and broken neck because it probably would have been unbearable for her to witness. Even though I missed her presence during my greatest moment of need, I am grateful because I know the main part of my healing took place because I did indeed have loving people caring for me and helping me during my worst moments, the best way they could help. <br />
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In many ways, I am still healing. Many people who have gone through huge challenges in life do understand that there is more to healing than just the scar that is an evident reminder of their health hurdles...those scars often stand for deeper hurts and deeper wounds and more severe consequences that might never completely heal or never be sealed closed.<br />
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I think back over what has been given to me in the minutes and seconds of my life here on earth and it is good that I had been blessed to be prepped early in life to be a giver and a helper. I can see that growing up with a mother who was a semi-hemi-pelagic from contracting the Polio virus as a child did prepare me for the battles ahead in life. Little did I know that by watching her overcome major obstacles, I would learn to do the same for myself.<br />
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Sadly, I also know that some people cannot receive help, even grudgingly, because they are angry at needing help. Instead of allowing people to be their helper, it is easier for them to make the helper their enemy, as if the person helping is causing their problems and created their troubles. <br />
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During the past decade of my life, I have become aware of this receiving end of getting help and have learned what it means to receive help graciously. "Needing Help" is like an address to me, it is not a place I want to visit and it is probably a place you would love to avoid as well, but when I am there, whether for a short visit or for the long-haul, I have found that it is better to plant some flowers while there instead of spreading weeds. In other words...be part of the beautiful scenery of "Needing Help." Choose to add to the delightful part of being in that place instead of using the lay-over as an excuse to spread ugliness. And no, I am not saying to pretend that you enjoy the loss of independence, but I am saying to try to make the best of it. For the harsh truth is...What is the alternative? <br />
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For those who care about you, they realize that the adjustment after landing in that place of "Needing Help" will create upheaval, but do not become the person who cannot see the garden of beautiful moments because you forgot your sunglasses! I am trying to put it nicely...ADAPT. When you feel trapped in that place of "Needing Help," reach for the sunglasses, help to remove the weeds, and search for the beauty while you are there because you might leave that place with an understanding about life that can only be learned while you are visiting. Indeed, I had to do some digging to search for the beauty during times of great suffering and needing help out of the good graces from others, but there is beauty in all things, if only you search for it. It might only be a speck, but it is there for the taking. I am thankful that my visits to "Needing Help" have taught me a lot about life and about people, there is so much for me to share in this area, but I am already full with emotion from putting these few things down to share with you today. <br />
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I have faced the fact that the people I love might not be there for me at every turn in the road. Even though our lives intersect with those we love, we each have our own life to live and our own paths to take. In moments of being alone with my failing body during those hard times, I realized that my family might not be there for me during my greatest moment of need, such as when I am gasping for air and can find none. I learned that we can each be in the same room, yet in separate worlds. That was a hard lesson for me to accept. My traditional Kumbaya ideals had to get a reality tweak. In the same token, I had to admit that I will also not always be able to be there for my loved ones at every moment they need me, and this is a part of life that we all seem to grapple with, sooner or later, knowing we are put to some tests on our own. But, I will always feel that to do our best to help each other out, here and there, as much as we can, well, that is a great gift to share with others, indeed. <br />
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I am grateful to have given help to others and to have received help from family, friends and strangers alike. For that is the essence of life, to be here for each other and to give something of ourselves as a gift to others. From simple actions such as an encouraging word to cleaning someone's house that is unable to do it themselves, there is a way to reach out. <br />
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A wonderful part of life is that we can still try to help others while suffering through our own hardships...this helps keep us grounded and prevents complete selfish behavior. Granted, there were times when I could barely utter a word, but I could still give a loved one a smile. Our past struggles, of all kinds, should not be erased because those moments are the ones filled with substance and grit, those moments make us the person we are today and the hardships we have faced and overcome or that we continue to face should not be overlooked. Each step through my pain and suffering has made me the person I am today...the woman who continually tries to build a good life. A good life is always available, in the midst of suffering, it is still present, it is just harder to acknowledge. But, it is there, you have to work harder for the good moments, but once you reach them and grasp them, they are sweeter and more precious than an easy-to-come-by good moment that you once took forgranted. <br />
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Yes, I have beautiful, wonderful moments. If they do not come to me, I go out and find them. I will not give up the search for meaning in all kinds of experiences, good and bad. Finding meaning gives you reason to keep going. Do not quit searching for meaning in all things...it may be the life-fuel you need to keep going for just a little while longer and to continue sending out your ripples.Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-22723350204927749192012-08-10T18:38:00.001-05:002012-08-11T22:15:47.346-05:00# 129 - Scars and HurdlesOne of the side effects of having Addison's disease is to have severe abdominal pain. In my case, that has been one of my hallmark Addisonian issues since my diagnosis in 2001.<br />
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For those of you who are regular readers, you might know that my gall bladder suddenly died in 2009 which led to a series of abdominal surgeries that were not pleasant. I laid in my master-bedroom with a dying gall-bladder and extremely ill because, at first, I could not tell that it was different from regular Addison attacks. However, within 24 hours, I was telling my household that I KNEW something wasn't right. This was a hospital trip I dreaded, and one problem seemed to boomerang into the next, from the gall-bladder onward, for the next several months. And here I am now, with severe abdominal pains that have steadily increased over this past year and another go-round with already knowing something isn't right.<br />
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This summer I had a CTScan that showed several potentially serious issues and today I finally met with a very experienced gastroenterologist with Baylor. Thankfully, he wants to try to keep me out of the hospital --- which I cannot express enough to others how much I detest being in the hospital --- I am beyond grateful to him for this concession. However, he spoke very plainly and straight-forward to me today about the high risks involved for the colonoscopy and endoscopy he wants to do as soon as possible. There are things he can't see unless he performs these tests. And he said he needs to get in there and take a close look around, from top to bottom, literally. At least I have my humor intact!<br />
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Any time you've had abdominal surgery to the extent I've had, you run the risk of scar tissue being a problem for these tests. Due to the nature of my past three abdominal surgeries, he said that I'm at a high-risk for perforation during the procedure. He told me he'd avoid it as much as possible, but that I am definitely high-risk for this to occur and there's no way around it, other than to not get this test and go for a barium enema-style test they did 30 years ago. However, with Addison's that will present its own set of problems. Plus, he can do the colonoscopy and endocscopy under the same anesthesia. I just asked him to please use different equipment for each end!<br />
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Anyway, he was a straight-shooter and said that I needed to be very clear that since perforation is such a high-risk for me that I needed to know, if that happened, it would require immediate, emergency surgery. He said that the surgeon he is selecting will be vital because this is when experience is key to knowing when to not keep pushing the scope against resistance. <br />
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In fact, he gave me his typed paperwork upon the end of the appointment that said in writing, "Best to try to have endoscopy and colonoscopy exams with anesthesia but not certain if exam can be completed due to surgeries, increased risk of perforation and incomplete exam."<br />
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Yes, I understand. Clearly. I'm not jumping up and down, but I get it.<br />
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After giving an old-fashioned exam of the abdominal area with probing hands that could probably feel a question-mark easily, he brought in one of those "prepping" packages for a colonoscopy, which I cringed at seeing. AUGH! If you've never done one of these, don't let it stop you from having a colonoscopy, but I will admit, it's not a beautiful experience! With Addison's disease and the problems I have abdominally, he gave me two days of additional instructions for prepping, but it's been so many years since I've had one of these tests that I'm already dreading it. <br />
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It's good that I brought it a CD copy of my CTScan along with a report because he read the report and said there was a big problem with it. This is another area when an experienced doctor can be hugely beneficial. He said there was no way the dictation on the report was transcribed correctly. So, he has sent off my CTScan CD to another radiologist for a new transcription and correct report and he put this in writing to me as well. This doctor was one thorough dude. I've NEVER had a doctor do this before today. I have teams consult with each other, but never have had a doctor literally say that he didn't trust the report. <br />
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Usually, they will order tests to be repeated or will order different tests, but they rarely admit that there is a problem with the original radiology report and I've never had a doctor tell me that they are having the scans looked at by a second radiologist so a second report could be drafted on the same CTScan.<br />
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There's a first-time for everything!<br />
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Therefore, take the time to get copies of your radiology work-ups to take to any other doctors...it might be worth your time.<br />
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There were other things we discussed that were a little hard to hear, but I am taking it one step at a time. I'll wait to get my testing done and to see if I make it out of there without emergency surgery before I start to tackle the next issue.<br />
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Since I am babysitting my five-year old niece until the 27th of August, she is my shadow. Well, as she'd say, she's not just five years old, she's ALMOST six as of the end of this month. She went to this appointment with me, and I am proud to say, she behaved like a little doll. I brought along a notebook full of blank pages, and since she can read, I wrote two pages of questions, leaving a blank after each question for her to write her response. It worked out wonderfully. She kept busy with her notebook, reading each question and using the pen I'd attached to the notebook to write out her carefully written answers. <br />
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And yesterday, before the appointment, I went ahead and showed her the scar on my abdomen so she would not be shocked by it upon the exam. Thank God I did because exam time came and it was no big deal. However, I was not going to take a chance since she had discovered the scar at the back of my neck a few weeks ago, from my cervical spine reconstruction --- as I was putting my hair in a ponytail in front of her as she sat on my bathroom countertop --- and she began to tell me there was a bad "sore" on the back of my neck. At first, I didn't know what she was talking about because I didn't have a sore. What sore??? Then, she put her finger on my back and ran it along the scar that is a few inches long, "This," she said, "...it's a BIG sore." <br />
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My heart dropped. Oh well. I had to explain that it's not a sore, it's a scar, and it doesn't hurt anymore. We talked about the difference between a sore and a scar. As for hurting, at least the incision itself doesn't hurt, so I didn't fib. We didn't exactly get into internal hardware, she is still technically five years old...hardy har har. Anyway, upon her discovery of my scar, she raised her shoulders to her ears and said, "It looks like it hurts so bad!" Actually, I was the one who felt bad for HER. Needless to say, I was shocked that she paid close attention to such things, and I did not want her being caught off guard again. My sister and I discussed how to handle it...knowing she'd not understand the terminology used by the doctor and since she'd learned about scars, we knew it would seem like an ordinary trip to the doctor's office. And, that's what it seemed like to her, regular trip to the doctor. <br />
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For me, it wasn't so ordinary. However, I am moving along in life. With the support of loving family and friends, I am always ready to bounce back from the next stumble. Watching the Olympics lately has given me such inspiration...those athletes have bodies that are beyond comprehension for most people, whether you have health issues or not. Yet, many of those athletes overcome major hurdles and injuries and life's obstacles. Behind every person with a medal hanging around their neck, there is a life-story waiting to unfold, everyone has a story. Yesterday becomes a life-story. <br />
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And each person has those special people who have loved and supported them all the way through, good times and bad. <br />
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In spite of my own hurdles, although not Olympic in size, I keep going. Some days, I feel as if it is an Olympic feat for me to simply put one foot in front of the other; other days I can almost run with the wind, yet I am always thankful for each and every step along this journey.Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-68248876235443227142012-07-20T17:16:00.000-05:002012-07-20T17:39:46.301-05:00# 128 - Sharing the SoulAs a mom, I've diligently kept all of my daughters' art work from their childhood. Years ago, I made extra large-art portfolio holders by stapling two posterboards together, leaving the top open to slide in their artwork. This kept their work from being bent and creased.<br />
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In an easily accessible area, the portfolio was kept behind my china cabinet with the edge of the portfolio barely sticking out to make it easy to retrieve for adding new artwork to it.<br />
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Recently, I took a day to spread out some of their work and to simply gaze upon the beauty of each piece. I'm considering buying very large frames so that I can create a collage of framed artwork for each daughter; I plan to put these collages in the guest bedroom for everyone to enjoy. <br />
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I imagine, one day, when my children have children of their own, my visiting grandbabies will get a kick out of seeing their mommy's art, created when their mommy was a child. It will be a link from childhood to childhood. <br />
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Some of their work is abstract, other work is "still-art" and a few pieces reflect a historical event. Each one is precious to me. <br />
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Most moms love to get their child's artwork, but I can't express how excited I had been to get each drawing, each painting, each sculpture...I never wanted to buy any art because I had little artists living in my household. <br />
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To add to the art of my children, I have my own artwork throughout the house that I've produced for years and years, especially some larger pieces that came with studying Visual Arts and Design at the University of Houston. I've been blessed to work in the Arbor Building through many art classes and to have professors of great artistic standing be my teachers in specific art methods.<br />
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Obeying my own need to create art is a tremendous stress reducer for me. However, I had some serious health battles that would put a wall between me and my need to create art, especially the battle with being able to use my arms since they were not getting adequate blood flow. But, I had two major surgeries to better enable blood to get to my arms and hands, a two year process of surgical intervention that went into three-four years after they decided to remove my minor pectoral muscle on the right side since it was shredded by bone shards. Even if the major surgeries were horrific and came with critical complications, I'm happy that my left side works wonderfully, but my right side was never properly "decompressed" by the removal of my first rib along with the removal of the anterior and scalene muscles in my neck --- I also have artery clips along the thoracic arteries as well, both sides. <br />
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The surgeries had to be done a year apart. Each one required approximately one year recovery, mostly because of the collapse lung that each surgery left me to deal with --- because of a paralyzed diaphragm. The nerve in your body that is the "control wire" for the diaphragm, which controls the lung, well, this "control wire" was impacted by each surgery, so each side ended up with a collapsed lung following surgery. It would take about 9 months, each time, for me to again be able to inflate my lung. Let me tell you, everything done to me in the dice and chop operating room could not compare to the lung collapsing. It's not a good feeling when your lung collapses and you can feel the lung sticking to itself --- to inflate it, with each labored breath or with pulmonary rehabilitation causes tremendous agony. <br />
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My left side was surgically decompressed by this method in 2005 and the right side was done a year later, in 2006. Since I am still unable to freely use my right arm, it's an ongoing battle. Even the simple act of blogging can cause me trouble as the right arm goes numb and pain from the lack of bloodflow creates pain down the arm and a sensation of choking on the right side of my neck. It's a big price to pay, but I try to position myself the best way possible so that I can type, type, type. I can use my arm for a short time, but it's never felt the same since the days when I could use my arms without a second thought and that was ten years ago.<br />
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I guess this is another reason I've treasured my daughters' artwork. If anyone understands the desire to create art, to play instruments and to do things that are ordinary daily activities without a thought about anything other than "Which color to use next," or "Which key to play next?" -- I do understand having the burning desire to do such things, yet not be able to do them because of physical limitations. I also understand what it means to push past the pain, to keep going in spite of challenges. Sometimes I've paid heavily for those decisions, but I rarely regret it.<br />
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Good thing I have partial use of my right arm since the surgery, it is better than before surgery, but still not completely workable as is my left side. I can often work around my incomplete decompression. Maybe one day I'll have the luxury to have the right side fully decompressed so that I can do normal things again, like drive to see my daughter in Dallas without it being a huge undertaking that causes me major issues, such as being able to feel my arm. Driving requires limited mobility, a huge issue for me.<br />
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Yes, maybe you can see a little through my eyes as well that this artwork is more meaningful than I can express.<br />
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Living life as fully as you can means different things for different people. Some people are given every tool and every healthy benefit to be able to live a beautiful life, yet they still take it forgranted. My mindset feels that there are enough problems, day by day, for me to conquer; I certainly don't need to add any more problems to what I already face. For many, like me, just getting through their day is a personal battlefield that brings constant reminders that simple things can be great challenges.<br />
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Others seem to look for problems because it appears they need more drama in their life or they are not satisfied with having an "ordinary" life full of blessings that deserve focus instead of contrived issues stemming from owning an ungrateful heart. I've seen so many people create their own problems and these same people proceed to wonder why their life is full of problems? <br />
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Personally, if I have extra energy and physical capabilities, it must go toward the constant effort to keep my health balanced so that I may have that awesome day with a few minutes at the piano or to do simple basic tasks, such as the laundry and dusting the furniture. One thing I must say is that a good day for me can indeed be jam-packed; I've learned to fully take advantage of a good day, probably much better than a "regular" person without any health hurdles. <br />
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However, once my neck broke, in 2009, it required massive reconstruction and double-sided hardware to support the neck so it would not collapse again. To add to the thoracic artery issues, I found myself confronting more challenges on top of existing challenges. It felt like I was being sandwiched between major health assaults that I had no control over and I did feel squashed like a bug. For a while, I didn't feel very excited about the added loss of sensation in my hands due to a spinal cord injury. I didn't like the struggle to move my feet forward and to lift them to take a step...all of it took more effort than could be expressed, even to those closest around me. <br />
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The spinal cord was squished between two bones that had broken, so it damaged the spinal cord in a manner that could not be repaired. It created a large lesion on the C2 section of spinal cord that is still present and visible on MRI scans. Still, I regained more feeling and better use of my arms/hands and legs/feet than the doctors thought were possible. I've been given more than my fair share of miracles, even if I've been given more than my fair share of physical hurdles. <br />
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Through it all, I've learned there is something powerful about art --- it is a healing expression of humanity. I finally understood that for many people, especially for those who have suffered deeply from physical or emotional pain, a piece of art can seem to speak to you or for you. Art can capture a feeling, it can represent the best in you, the worst in you or it can bring hope beyond words.<br />
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For some dedicated artists, on any level, from novice to accomplished, there seems to be a sharing of the soul in some of the work produced by particular artists. Often, you can feel pulled into a piece of art. If you haven't had this experience yet, then I recommend that you view art differently. Try to search for a piece of art that truly SPEAKS to you with such depth that you feel knocked out of your shoes. It's out there, you might have just not found it yet, but when you do...you'll know it. <br />
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I have a few personal favorites that definitely evoke great emotion from within the well of my soul. <br />
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In fact, I'll be scanning a few pictures of historical art that have brought me great comfort and hope during times of great turmoil. <br />
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But, there is a certain peace, joy and innocence that comes with looking at a child's artwork. It's like looking out a window to see a different view of sunshine.<br />
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How many times have I been delighted by these works of art created by my children? I can't count. Even through difficult times of their own...my children created with bright goodness, always doing their best to get their mind's eye down on paper. <br />
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I love the effort. I love the result. I love the sharing of their souls.Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-26438369761002385502012-07-17T16:44:00.004-05:002012-07-17T21:16:03.604-05:00# 127 - Focusing on PrioritiesTo follow up from the CTScan showing issues, I have an appointment with a "renowned" gastroenterologist in Houston's Medical Center that is with the Baylor Medical Clinic. The only problem is that it takes so long to get into one of his available slots, but I'm set for August 10th. Since I'm in constant pain in the entire abdominal wall, this will be an excruciating wait.<br />
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But, I can do it.<br />
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As usual, the biggest problem with an issue like this is to manage my Addison's. I am having a very difficult time getting out of the state of exhaustion; I just feel like I'm dragging badly.<br />
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To combat this, my doctor has increased my daily hydrocortisone intake another 10mg in the morning and an additional 5-10 every afternoon. Then, if I feel if I am still sputtering, I take control and administer more HC until I am feeling more stable.<br />
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I could have seen another doctor in my area sooner, but I've learned to not mess around with doctors who are mass producers and to stick with doctors who are better known for being in their line of work because they actually are diagnostically talented. And, I've learned to choose doctors who are connected to the hospitals I know practice higher standards of care and who have more capabilities at their facilities.<br />
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After you've done your part, the rest is in God's hands. All I know is that I have to be pro-active in getting myself into as healthy as a state as possible because the next big event coming in our lives around here is my oldest daughter's wedding in October. That's only a hop, skip and a jump away!<br />
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For now, until that appointment on August 10th, I have lots of things to do --- or to TRY to do! We are getting the house back in order since Stefie moved out to an apartment next to her campus. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me & Stefie saying goodbye as she<br />
leaves for college this year.</td></tr>
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Things have been rearranged because of all the furniture we gave to her, in an effort to scale back our own belongings and to help her start her own life a bit easier, so now we can make things look even less cramped in this big house of ours. Hopefully, next week, the For Sale sign will go back into the yard and we'll get this big baby unloaded!<br />
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Another item on my agenda is my daughter's wedding shower here in the Houston area. That will be on August 4th and since I'm a typical mom co-hosting her daughter's shower, I have LOTS to do still. I hand-made all of her wedding shower invitations and this week I will be starting on the Alice in Wonderland themed decorations. It's been a lot of fun to cut, glue, glitter and print....makes me feel like I'm doing art projects for a really good cause! This is definitely a time when Pinterest is a source of beautiful ideas, even though I'm still lagging behind in how to exactly use this great site. I'm learning.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heather & Henry</td></tr>
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Heather's wedding is fast approaching and I'm so excited that I cannot express it in words how I feel! As far as Addison's Disease goes...I will DEFINITELY have to prepare myself to take stress dosages prior to traveling for the wedding and continue taking higher maintenance dosages to keep up with the physical strain and emotional strain that will be taking place in my body. There's just no way that this wedding won't have a huge impact on me...she's my baby! Even so, Heather has diligently taken great care to handle every element of her wedding and I'll be so happy to be with her the week of her wedding, to help pull it all together. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heather & Henry - Engagement Day</td></tr>
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I am so happy to be there for her...she's eager for me to help her with organizing for the wedding and for the honeymoon preparations since they will be traveling to Europe, and you can bet that I'll be cleaning house for her on a "mommy level" so that her and Henry can come back to a house that's without any worries. Her dad will be great as well, he'll help with ceiling fans and other things that I can't reach without a step ladder and I'm sure he'll be doing lots of cooking.<br />
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Together, we'll do our best to keep the two kiddos on track and to help remove stress from the days leading up to the wedding. I want them to relax and to focus on the sacred part of being married...kind of a quiet reverence for the huge step before God that they are about to take. We'll definitely be pulling the best part of ourselves together so that we can pray for these kids as they begin their marriage...for a mom and dad to work together to pull blessings over their children, I believe that says a lot and is critical for a young couple to get the boost to their marriage that is memorable and precious.<br />
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No matter what is going on within family dynamics, the important issue right now is that these two young adults be given every bit of support that can be reasonably given to them as they begin their marriage.<br />
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The good thing is, in the face of hard times, good times, I-don't-think-I-can-stand-it times, and the most connected times...both of these kids come from parents who have made it together, in spite of problems. Marriage is something that can't be discarded without major consequences and that is something you want to pass on to your children. Marriage is something that takes a long time to build, but can be demolished fast by doing unloving things and saying unloving words...as long as they put the goal of being kind to one another as a priority, they'll find more joy together. I hope they get this concept down into their bones as they start their marriage. As long as they care about the feelings of their partner, there is a good marriage to be had.<br />
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It's a serious thing to have a wedding...it's not an event to be treated like a party because it is so far above any "party" that can be imagined. Yes, it should be a celebration, a reverent celebration in the joining of two people as one in marriage while witnesses watch the moment the couple goes from single identities to two joined as one. A wedding day is a pivotal day to be marked in their history as a day that can never be erased. It's a day when a single person with an singular identity becomes melded by vows to another person in a manner that should last a life-time. <br />
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If anyone can do it, these two kiddos can. In my book, they've proved their love and determination to be together and to build a life together. Oh, there will be rough times ahead, but there will also be beautiful moments that will make it ALL worthwhile.<br />
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Yes, marriage is to be respected and to be honored from the moment the "I do" is said until the moment no more words can be said.<br />
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October 13, 2012 will be the day these two will be joined in Holy Matrimony. I will be honored, touched and overjoyed to help them get to the altar!Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-32089891260269208072012-07-04T16:35:00.000-05:002012-07-04T16:35:57.192-05:00# 126 - Priorities in a Row, Creativity in Tow!Here in Texas, it looks to be a beautiful day. It started out rough for me, but it's building into a better and stronger day that I hope to be able to enjoy as fully as possible. Deputy Dave has already been out since the wee morning hours enjoying whatever it is that he enjoys and it's good that he does.<br />
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I hope that later in the day, I'll be able to go out and enjoy my own company, in peace and to have fun picking out designer paper for my oldest daughter's wedding shower invitations. Heather is so creative that she's hard to beat with imagination for cute invitation ideas! <br />
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For me, I love everything I come across when I'm in a craft store, but that is a blessing in life for me, I am easy to please. It takes little for me to find a worthwhile smile. And I don't mind having a great deal of solitude because I am never truly alone, the Lord is always with me. Always.<br />
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Since this is my blog to relay things relating to Addison's disease, I must first start with saying that I've been struggling a long while with abdominal pains ranging from dull to severely sharp, the pain can pounce upon me within a few seconds and with little warning. I believe my regular readers are aware of this issue. It's been a challenge because I might be out and about when it starts to occur and that could be a problem. The pain gets so intense that I have no choice but to double over in pain, I break out in a profuse sweat that accompanies severe pain, and I only want to get somewhere to lie down and to be left alone. Thank God, I've been able to be alone during these times, except for when Stefie was with me during a direct episode last month. It's not a time l like to share with anyone. Of course, as the severe pains and stomach cramping begin, I immediately take a hefty oral stress doss to accommodate my Addison's disease.<br />
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Through all of these increasing problems, I did manage to finish my service as a Grand Juror Foreman, but it was tough. One way to get through these last few months was to barely eat during our day in session. I could lightly nibble on something, but a full meal would have put me in danger of going into a ball on the floor, so I never allowed the chance to happen.<br />
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A couple of weeks before our service came to an end, I went to get a CT-Scan of my entire abdominal region. I had the scan on a Friday, then my doctor went on vacation for two weeks, which was great because I wasn't in a hurry to hear the results. I already knew something wasn't right, but I wasn't ready to hear it and I didn't want the end of my service on Grand Jury to be impacted by distraction. So, I decided to not hear anything about it until recently. Waiting three weeks for the results was not particularly difficult.<br />
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Plus, my youngest daughter was going through her own testing to rule out the possibility of MS and she had another test last week, a brain MRI, that came out clear...I was celebrating her good results! However, I didn't want to get my test results in the middle of her own issues...I wanted to keep her first and to not jumble the madness, especially for my husband because he didn't need to get bad news about those around him at one time --- I guess that was part of my "selfishness!". The least I could do was to spread it apart on purpose. Thankfully, Stefie is a healthy gal! It gave me added peace to be able to focus on her scan and her results first. I cannot thank God enough for her being healthy. I can handle my own health issues, but to see your child suffer is to be in agony for them.<br />
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As for my own scan, my family knows I had this CT-Scan and had been waiting on the results. My dad, in particular, kept asking me for the results. He was impatient. He would have rather gotten all the news at once and he would've just dealt with it rather than having to deal with a delay. He's not good with delays and he loves me enough to be concerned every step of the way. But, he understood my reasoning for putting my own results on the back-burner. However, he told me, "I know you are worried about Stefie as a priority over your own health, and I understand because she's your baby and she's my grandbaby, but YOU are MY baby and putting this off is not good." <br />
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Dads have a way of getting through to you.<br />
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Of us all, the delay tortured my dad the most, but I'm glad he respected my decision and tried to wait patiently. He lets me know that he's praying for me --- my father --- praying --- for me. You can't get much more love than this. He's rather persistent and very involved with my health, after all, I am his oldest daughter. For the past few months, he's even let me borrow his car because I've let my youngest take our extra vehicle to college. My dad did not think it wise for me to be left without a vehicle, so he's made sure to remedy that matter and I'm grateful. His vehicle allowed me to make my appointments to to take myself to the places where I would go for testing and check-ups. It's good that I have a car because I'm usually alone for these tests, and I prefer it that way. There's nothing anyone can do but sit and wait; I'd not want to bore anyone in this manner. Besides, I'm rather tough and can endure the pain and stress of these tests on my own, it's often easier to do without seeing someone else's face contort into sympathy. I always tell my sister, "Save it for the results...then we can face it together...a test is a time of knowing nothing, getting the results is the time I will need you to lean on!"<br />
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As for my dad, he and I have been through a lot as father and daughter, which included taking care of my mom together as she died. We are well bonded. My dad does not put forth mock concern over my situation in front of people and then behave another way behind closed doors...his concern is genuine and consistent. He and I have a true friendship. I trust my dad. His heart is truly tied to me as mine is to his; no matter my age, I will always be his child and it is him that I sometimes worry about the most when I must relay a bit of news that might be considered "bad." <br />
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Besides, he is easy for me to approach, on a good and bad day. So, I'm more likely to go to him on a bad day. <br />
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The best thing about my dad, to me, is that he sees me as a good person, even with my every fault. He doesn't see me as selfish, even though I am borrowing his vehicle for a prolonged period of time. He thinks the best of me and for that I am astounded and appreciative. He knows my motives toward those I love are truly deep and that I would work to the death to help someone in a jam. He's my dad. He understands a side of me that would love to blend into the wall as a wallflower; that would be a delight for me, but this path of Addison's and other troubles is what I've been given, so I do the best with it that I can. That includes being honest about the good and bad times with my outreach. I refuse to put on a mask of lies surrounding this disease with complications because I want others to know that they are not alone in their moments of suffering. <br />
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When you have Addison's or Adrenal Insufficiency, everything in your life affects your condition. <br />
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Well, yesterday I spoke with the Dr. and he faxed me a copy of my CT-Scan. There are some definite problems that will need to be addressed right away. The problem is, there are several issues and the Dr. is trying to figure out which way to approach it --- which one should be first on the list when we are worried the others might need to be first. We will be talking again tomorrow.<br />
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At least I know why I am in great pain --- that has been revealed. <br />
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Of the many angles we are approaching, one test will be a colonoscopy as the reports says that a mass cannot be ruled out and the walls of the colon are noticeably thickened, which could mean a few things, not any of them are particularly good news. Then, the problem reaches to my bladder which has lining that is evidently swollen as well with thickened walls. The Dr. said he was concerned that everything in this area is swollen...something rather widespread is going on...it would be better if it were isolated to one area. But, like I said, it explains my increasing pain.<br />
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We discussed a potential hospital stay so that I could go through several tests within a short period of time instead of drawing out the tests for weeks, especially when time could be of the essence. I've already delayed getting the news of the CT-Scan for a few weeks, but now I must move forward with haste. I HATE being in the hospital, but this is one time when I might have to agree that it would be the most efficient course of action.<br />
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For those of you who have Addison's disease, you understand the problems that these battles in my body are creating. It makes it more difficult to manage the Addison's and this better explains why I've had sudden Addison Crisis symptoms over the past few months and am having a more difficult time keeping myself stabilized...my body is in a constant battle. As for the mass they suspect, I can almost feel something in that area when I lie on my stomach...it makes me wonder if it is the mass that I can feel? It's over 4cm in size, which is getting rather intimidating for a mass and I know what that size would mean, if it were to be malignant. When I lie on my stomach, it feels as if a hard golf ball is beneath me. Sometimes, I even check beneath me to see if there is something actually there in the way. There is never anything that can physically be moved to make the lump disappear because it's stuck inside of me. I guess we shall soon find out.<br />
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One huge issue is that I've completely lost my appetite, yet I force myself to eat every day. I try to eat two meals per day and to make it calorie rich so that I don't get into an Addison's wasting situation from the constant stress the issues are putting upon my body. Oh, I've got some "power pounds" on me so I am not very concerned about a sudden, rapid dip in weight loss...I've been good at keeping the padding in place. But, I am about 10-15 pounds less than I'd been last year, it seems I've leveled out, yet again. For me, having a stable weight is a good thing. Being skinny is not desirable. For those of you who suffered with rapid wasting due to Addison's, you understand this dilemma. I don't need to add a wasting problem to the other issues, so I am good about eating. Unfortunately, for the past several weeks, I have been so nauseated that I cannot get through my day without starting it off with Zolfran to control the nausea. At least I have this medication and it works fairly well to ward off major bouts of nausea.<br />
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Anyway, I keep going. There are plenty of people who have worse problems and they manage to keep moving forward. I will keep moving forward and doing all that I can in spite of these hurdles. I have had many challenges, but I've also had many MORE blessings. So, I can't feel abandoned by my Lord...he has seen me through some of the most difficult times. I have faith that He will be with me through all my days, until the end, no matter the age I am when the end might find me.<br />
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I am thankful to be surrounded by family and friends who are true supporters, even in the worst of times. Those are my true friends and you know who you are.<br />
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I will try to make more regular posts while doing all I can to heal my body because I have too much to look forward to. My daughter's wedding in October is such a huge event...I will do all I can to be in the best condition possible for that beautiful day.<br />
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There is much for me to look forward to. In spite of other areas that are disappointing, I am focusing on those whom I love dearly and focusing upon those who truly love me. Letting go of former friends who have turned out to be very unfriendly has been a treasure and a release. Those with mechanical motivations have lost their gleam for me...but it makes me better focus on all the other areas that are rich with blessings. <br />
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I'm sure a lot will be happening over the next week, I'll keep you posted! Meanwhile, I'm working on designing my daughter's wedding shower invitations that are looking as if they will be SUPER CUTE! It's wonderful to be able to focus on such things during times of personal hardship. I love the goodness in life that distract us from the ugly parts; I appreciate those who offer encouragement and kindness, at all times, not just during the scary times. I value my true friends who are eager to think the best of me, even in my worst moments. <br />
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It's great to also have such awesome blog buddies!<br />
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Thank God for good things in our lives!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Couple of Months Ago</td></tr>
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</div>Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-77801067434092846602012-06-25T20:08:00.001-05:002012-06-25T20:08:10.860-05:00# 125 - The Biggest Bouquet in TexasThe Hill Country of Texas can often look like a vibrant painted canvas during Springtime. The coloring that carpets the ground from various wildflowers is a sight to behold. While growing up, my parents would take many road trips, these included weekend jaunts with the sole aim to see the wildflowers in full bloom. <br />
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In fact, people travel from all over the world to come to the Texas Hill Country during Bluebonnet season. The rolling hills are blanketed in these violet blue flowers dotted with white accents that have petals and a structure appearing most unusual.<br />
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One of the most loving things I can remember passing between my parents was during each Spring as they readied to leave for one of these trips. After we kids grew up and left home, my dad and mother continued taking those trips simply to go see the wildflowers. They'd pack a bag and leave the house, heading for the Brenham area in general, but without any particular destination in mind. The only thing propelling them forward was the chance to see the hills covered in flowers as far as the eye can see.<br />
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In this Hill Country, even small spots of available earth are crammed with wildflowers. You see highway overpasses skirted with wildflowers. Driving down the road, it's almost as if there is a sea of flowers spread before you, it's indescribable. There are bursts of color in nearly every conceivable place that has dirt.<br />
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In fact, the sight strikes my heart deeply because I always find it amazing that such beauty can spring forth from brown, colorless dirt. I guess we all come from humble beginnings and to the same we will one day return.<br />
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Most of all, these flowers remind me of a kind of love that carries such a sweeping depth of sweetness. Even though my mother had so many tribulations in her earthly body, my father looked upon her as his wife and a woman with more to give than a woman who could be defined by her condition. Even in her worst moments of being overwhelmed with uncontrollable pain and suffering resulting from her body being riddled and left forever marked by Polio, he believed in her strength. <br />
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Even though she had the dreaded title of "Polio Victim" from a young age, he never accused her of being a "victim" or of having "victim mentality." In fact, when she did have moments of weakness, he did not belittle her for being human. Better yet, he could've easily used this dreaded word against her during their worst moments as a couple, but he never tried to punish her further for something she had absolutely no control over. I've found that a person who is close to another enduring major health challenges is given their own opportunity to show uncanny strength and to shine in their own way. I am glad to have never heard my father accuse my mother of being a "victim." Sure, she'd sometimes cry and feel extremely frustrated during certain moments of her life and things were not always rosy, but he did not try to capitalize upon her weaknesses. If anything, his downfall would be that he could not see her weaknesses clearly enough and she liked it that way.<br />
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I thank my father for never making my mother feel as if she were a victim...not of her own weakness as a human and not of the failings of her body. It takes a big man indeed to let his woman have weak moments without taking advantage of the same for his own ego. <br />
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It's wonderful that we, as a family, celebrated her triumphant nature. She was a fighter. And the wildflowers remind me that instead of doing things for her with a mindset of pity or with a hidden heart of feeling nothing more than charity, he did things with her out of true love, mutual enjoyment, and out of seeing her as his partner with a smile.<br />
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Together, they savored the wildflowers. He may have not have sent many flowers to her in their lifetime from a florist in a glass vase, but every year he never missed a chance to personally escort her to the biggest, boldest bouquet in Texas. There will be no one else in his life with whom he can share the wildflowers like he did with the wife of his youth and of his increasing years. He's tried, but he's found it to be disappointing because the wildflowers just aren't as pretty or as enjoyable without her by his side. No one else has the child-like excitement about those flowers as she had so willingly and openly expressed. To me, it makes me happy to know that it is a tradition that he still can't find as complete without my mother and that is an authentic expression of his heart.<br />
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I'm so happy to know that every year my mother was able to fill her mind and spirit with a beauty that only nature can provide. And now, her strength is my strength. Her determination is my determination. Her willingness to sacrifice, even when others were blinded and could not be gracious about it, she continued to sacrifice...that is my legacy. <br />
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It's a good one, and I am fulfilled. For the flowers and for so much more...I am grateful.<br />Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-552096949367672941.post-32044729425316515262012-06-04T16:38:00.005-05:002012-06-04T19:10:22.534-05:00# 124 - A Birthday Addisonian CrashFirst of all, let's make it clear to my readers and to others who might possibly miscontrue this blog as being anything other than the relaying of my personal experiences with Addison's disease...as most of you well know, the purpose of my writing is to share with others who might also be tangled in a life with Addison's. I share the good and the bad; I share unspoken truths that most of us Addisonians have already experienced, but my words are certainly not meant to be used as medical advice or treatment recommendations. This blog expresses my experiences with this disease and you can read all about it, but always remember to consult your doctor for personal medical advice. <br />
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Going for longer and longer spurts of time in between being forced to experience some level of Addison's troubles is a wonderful goal for me to attain. Since my body is full of other issues and has great difficulty fighting off infection, I seem to become aware of any illness, whether it be bacterial or viral, with signs of Addison's symptoms before the illness itself sets in to make the sickness known.<br />
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I haven't written about my last Addison's crisis, until now, because the circumstances that surrounded it had been extremely disconcerting. My 44th birthday was on May16th. I had a wonderful day planned. My best-friend was taking me out to lunch to a nearby tea-room, then my youngest daughter and I were supposed to go see a movie later that afternoon.<br />
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That morning, I woke up feeling so-so. I'd been experiencing added joint pain, overwhelming fatigue and abdominal pains over the past few weeks, but since I have had so many medical problems, I've learned to keep going, in spite of problems. I'd also been going to the doctor and nothing additional had been discovered, not as of that date. So, I kept going, as best as I could...besides, if I stopped for every ache and pain, I'd never have a life left to live. But, the general idea here is that I was up and about while happy about getting to enjoy lunch with my life-long friend.<br />
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The day began wonderfully. Kelly and I left the house around 11am for the tea-room, located about two miles from my house. Upon arrival to the tea-room, Kelly parked her suburban and we walked up to the front doors of the tea-room that was tucked in the middle of other shops, in the historic part of town, off Main Street. Little did I know, the tea-room had closed. I felt terrible for the owners of the restaurant, but we got a giggle after I had read the sign on the door wrong. I thought it had read, "Closed for an event," but it actually started out, "Closed forever."<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One hour from now, my condition will be unstable, in crisis.</td></tr>
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We stopped to take a picture of our lunch plans gone awry, then decided to go to a hot spot around the corner that prepares a unique chef's menu every day. Neither of us had been there before, so we were glad to try out something new.<br />
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After we ate our meal and the server was bringing out dessert, I began to feel a wave, a HUGE WAVE of weakness. My hearing began to fade, my vision started to narrow into a tunneled viewpoint, my stomach began to cramp with a vicious grip upon me, and I could barely sit in my seat. The white tablecloth at our table became my focus. Kelly was talking, but I was no longer hearing anything. I remember looking up to find the bathroom. Since I'd never been in this restaurant before, I had no idea where the bathroom was located. Meanwhile, I've become so adept at masking my condition that Kelly had no idea that I was going into crisis mode. I don't want to make a scene or let anyone know. This is my personality at work...if I can handle it myself, I will...it's terribly embarrassing to me to call attention to myself during a medical problem. I just wanted to "get through it." Besides, I have been hospitalized a few times for a crisis and I've unfortunately discovered that being in the hands of medical staff, without a family member around who is well versed in protocol needed for Addison's is often MORE dangerous for my health. My friend knows of my disease, but she doesn't know I have an injection in my purse, and she doesn't know how to administer it. I do wear a Medic Alert bracelet, but like I said, it's not something that I go around announcing to each person I dine with and it's not something that is understood by the general medical population, so it's a dilemma.<br />
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This is part of a huge problem for every person with Addison's disease...the rarity of the disease makes it more difficult to get proper treatment, as needed.<br />
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I realized, as I scanned the restaurant for the restroom, that I was not going to be able to make it to the bathroom because wherever I ended up would be where I'd end up for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't relish the unpleasant thought of landing on the floor of a public bathroom. By this time, severe stomach cramping was underway with the pain becoming almost unbearable. <br />
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Looking back down at the table, I see the black book used to accept payment at restaurants and felt like bolting. Kelly looks at me and asks, "Are you okay?" She looked a tad alarmed, so I think my growing discomfort and struggle was becoming evident to her. I responded, "Not so much, my body does this every now and then...I can't believe it's happening right now, of all times."<br />
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This is NOT how I wanted to treat my friend who was taking me out for my birthday luncheon!<br />
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She said, "Well, I've already paid the bill, so let's go."<br />
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At this time, I was SHOCKED that the waitress had managed to bring the bill, get payment and bring the receipt back...all while I was "out of it" to the extent that I'd not been able to register the actions because of my deteriorating condition.<br />
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Kelly hurriedly left her seat and we headed out the door, straight for her vehicle while I felt wobbly, but acutely aware of my condition and didn't want to scare my friend. She was nearly running at this point to get to her suburban. I think she opened my door for me...I'm fuzzy on this part. I kept praying, silently, to not have a full crisis in front of my friend. It would have been horribly upsetting to her and the position she would have been forced into would not have been pleasant. <br />
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I told her, "I just need to get home and lie down horizontal; I can tell my blood pressure is plummeting, but my medicine should kick in and I'll pull out of it."<br />
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Kelly glanced at me sideways with an unconvinced expression. We rushed to my house, located nearby. Meanwhile, I had my tea glass with me, as always when I'm in a vehicle, and I took a handful of Hydrocortisone, equaling at least 65mg.<br />
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Once we arrived at my house, I gave her a quick hug and rushed out of the vehicle and toward my front door, still praying that I wouldn't fall in front of her. I felt as if I might pass out at any time, but didn't want her to worry since she was leaving straight from lunch to head for Houston's Medical Center to handle her own health maintenance. She didn't need to worry about me on top of her own concerns. <br />
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I managed to make it into the house and to my bed. Lying down, I put a pillow over my head and figured I would pull out of it, as long as I gave my body the rest it needed. But, I faded out of consciousness while wondering how this Addison's Crisis could've snuck up on me so rapidly and without the normal red flags I'm accustomed to getting prior to a crisis? I had set my cell phone my the nightstand, then I must have essentially passed out. <br />
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Vaguely, I recall my youngest being by my side, sitting on the bed next to me and leaning across me to ask if I was okay. I told her I just wasn't feeling well. I was not able to talk very well. She was very concerned and contacted her daddy (my husband) to see if she should call EMS. I think her own alarm bells were going off, loudly. Poor thing, she was scared. However, she's personally witnessed my life being put in further jeopardy by the entire EMS situation, especially after my body is put through more agony with prodding and testing and delays for "triage" as my life-saving treatment is withheld and I spiral downward faster than I would have, if I were treated at home. <br />
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Stefie gave me another hand-full of HC and I managed to swallow them all in one gulp, without lifting my head off the pillow. I couldn't even hold my eyes open.<br />
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I apologized to her for ruining our trip to the movies, but she wasn't worried about such things, she was simply wanting to stay close by to make sure I was breathing and to keep giving her daddy updates as he was stuck downtown at work without anyone available to relieve his position.<br />
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I think she realized that EMS, for ME, at this point, would have been more upsetting. She knows enough about Addison's and my own successes with treating a crisis to know dosaging changes that are needed to pull me out of this state of trouble; she had already asked me how much of a stress dose had I already taken, in addition to my regular morning dose and she knew right where to get my HC bottle to dish out more additional meds. She also knew where to find my injection, but she's terrified of the prospect of giving me an injection, as most family and friends would be during such a situation.<br />
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With humor, I reassured my daughter, "Believe me, I no more want to receive an injection from you than you want to give it!"<br />
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It took SIX HOURS for me to recover enough to hold my head up or to reach out my arm. I'd become so weak during this "attack" that I could not even reach back to the night-stand to retrieve my cell phone. I could not force my eyelids to open for an extended period of time. It was as severe of an Addison's Crisis as I've ever suffered.<br />
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Later, I discover that my body is battling a dangerous bacterial infection. I believe the Addison's Crisis was again the first warning that something in my body was going very wrong. However, I still can't believe that it came on so suddenly and so harshly. <br />
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Looking back, I can see many opportunities where I could've made different decisions. But, part of being in a crisis is that you begin to lose the ability to think clearly. However, that being said, my personal preference is to NOT be hauled into the E.R. at every sign of trouble because I've had such bad experiences while hospitalized. I've even had one physician purposefully withhold my life-saving medications because he'd never had a patient with Addison's. Needless to say, the hospital soon fired him from being one of my medical overseers. However, a person with Addison's disease does not have the luxury of always surviving such ignorance. At times, I can't help but feel that my chances are better taken in the safety and comfort of my own home, with proactive intervention, rather than going through potential additional physical and emotional stress that might make my condition more precarious, unless extremely rapid medical response is put into motion.<br />
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Again, looking back, I can see that my window of time to self-inject the Solu-Cortef had been narrow. Hind-sight is always 20/20, but at the moment of living through the worst situation I could imagine, feeling myself fading faster than I dared imagine, in public, and once I got home, I soon didn't have the strength to hold my head up...there would have been no way possible for me to handle the vial, the syringe and to have the strength to self-inject. My body became a ragdoll.<br />
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Fortunately, the right things I did were to administer an oral stress dose, right away and to get into a lying position so I didn't hit the floor and lay unconscious for someone to find me. For the past couple of weeks since this crisis, I had been extremely distressed over that possibility...of my daughter finding me unconscious on the floor with her home alone. In that situation, she'd certainly call 911. But, with me protesting, as her mother, it's another story. She believes me when I say to her, "Just leave me alone for a while to rest and I'll pull out of it." <br />
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I truly felt as if I needed to be left alone for my body to be given quiet time for the stress dose to work its way into my body.<br />
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For those of your who have not experienced a rapid onset Addisonian Crisis, know that it can happen. If it does, your situation will likely be imperfect as well. Even if you do everything in the best order and according to "textbook" standards, you might still find yourself in trouble. If you begin to feel odd, immediately take an oral stress dose, at the least. I'm glad I was wearing a Medic-Alert bracelet so that could've provided some level of communication on my behalf, if I'd not been able to help myself.<br />
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In our family, even though we've seen just about every angle of Addison's disease, it can still be very intimidating and terrifying during an attack. In my situation, my health is often so precarious that I fight back by orally taking stress dosing as soon as I feel in danger. Very often, I just need to lie down for a while, then I am able to pull out of it. However, I will admit, this day was a close call. Now I know what the problem might have been...a lurking infection preparing to rear its ugly head, but my Addison's disease beat it to the punch.<br />
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Trusting your instincts is difficult to do, but after you have followed your own protocol to ensure your survival to the best of your ability, even if that includes calling 911 and being hauled off in an ambulance, you must find it within yourself to be at peace with how you handled the situation.<br />
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Fortunately, the Lord decided that I was not to die on my 44th birthday, but it was probably a close call. I did go to the doctor after this crisis. I've had this disease long enough to know that the crisis was a sign that something more was going on in my body, and I was right. <br />
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Hopefully, I'll continue to have chances to pull out of such a severe Addison's crisis and if the day comes when I am at the mercy of those around me due to being unconscious or if I am unable to boss others around about my treatment, then I hope that the ordeal won't be too traumatizing on the person making arrangements for my help or by injecting me. After all, I don't think I'd complain too loudly, if I'm still alive to complain!<br />
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For now, my doctor increased my daily dose for Hydrocortisone so that it will more than adequately cover my daily dose and to include a stress dose. Battling this infection will create a need to daily take a stress dose, so my prescription had to be altered to reflect this ongoing battle. It's always great to have a doctor with whom you can talk about these concerns and hurdles and to know that the doctor will be intelligent enough to provide the help you need.<br />
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I'm still here --- just a tad over 44 years of age and I'm still kicking!<br />
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Thank you God for more time to walk around in this imperfect body!<br />
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<br />Lanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14422413007128219320noreply@blogger.com6