# 145 - Nature is Good

For about nine months we've been living in the country. The lifestyle is good for me. Well, with the exception of the cold weather which has been EXTREMELY difficult on my body, but coldness seems to be something we're all enduring to some extent or another. But, the country environment has been healing to me in many ways.

When I am having an "off" day, the country life helps me to better enjoy my surroundings than I had been able to do in the city. I needed a slower pace. Well, maybe not a "slower" pace, but a different kind of pace.

Life in the country is not without its difficulties and challenges, but the trade-off for the large dose of peace and to be in nature from the time I wake up until I go to sleep is exactly what I need. Listening to the birds in the morning and the crickets at night makes me smile, well, mostly.

Ever since I began my battles with Addison's, one of the ways I have been affected is that I felt the need for more space, and I needed more time in nature...I needed more time alone, yet I am NOT lonely. I wanted to be free of feeling as if I am display or some kind of guinea pig. I needed to step outside of my house and sit in the middle of nature, without a solicitor coming up to sell me something and without having to listen to the neighbor's dogs bark at me as I try to sit peacefully in my backyard and to get through a night without hearing the party next door.

External noises are fine, but getting a bit of space between me and that noise seemed to be imperative. I began to go all day without any sound, just the sound of life itself. Things changed for me.

Of course, we still have many fun times with family and friends, but on a day-to-day basis, I enjoy being in the forest.

Other times, I LOVE being with my first grand-baby...a precious baby girl named Coraline. She fills my heart with joy, as if I was a truck running on empty and she gives me long-lasting fuel each time I see her.

However, living in the forest, on a beginning farm means that each day offers something new. More than that, each day offers a bit of excitement and exploration. And I get to be around baby animals...that is awesome.

I guess if I had to explain how it feels to live in the country, I would have to say that being on this acreage puts me farther away from man-made life and closer to Heaven...kind of an in-between location that suits me, perfectly.

Most people living with a serious illness would rather live closer to city amenities, but I changed gears and went from being a full-blown city gal to running the other direction. Fortunately, my husband was ready to do the same.

Now, when he is home, he says it feels as if he is already on vacation. There is a longer commute, but the time home is savored.

Life is beautiful. Oh yes, there are struggles, more than I can say, but the overall take away is that life is incredible, always full of exciting twists and turns, and the glorious moments smother the bad. That's the bottom line.

And I leave you with this thought...

# 144 - Living Life!

First of all, I sincerely thank all of you who have been sending concerned emails about my lack of writing for this blog. I appreciate you reading and digesting my written words, for whatever they are worth.

In response, I am going to make a sincere effort to begin writing again on this blog, on a regular basis.

To be honest, I had to focus on other areas in my life because Addison's disease can tangle you in a web of challenges. For a while, I felt worn down and needed to escape from it, as much as I could, for a bit.

Also, we made a major move from the city to the country, selling our house that was about 3,000 square feet to move to the acreage we've owned since our daughters were young. The acreage is in the middle of rural Texas country.

I took this picture yesterday...I love the "yard."

We bought a Mac-Daddy RV to live in while we prepared the land to build a cabin. The problem is that I can't decide upon where to build the cabin. You can't change your mind once it is built, so I am taking my time with this decision.

Sgt. Dave using a machete to thin the area that will be
next to the cabin.

I enjoy the RV, but it's an RV. I figured it would take about a year to start building, and we have accomplished a great deal, but I am ready for the extended camping trip to approach an end.

I must say, this has been one of the most adventurous times of my life.

My niece, Shaye, on a visit with her cowboy boots.
She fits right in with our new environment.

My newest health battle has been news that I need a hysterectomy. Not such a big deal for a healthy patient, except that surgery always presents a reason for concern, especially when it is YOU having surgery. For a patient with Addison's disease, the most simplistic surgery is serious business. 

Since my mother died from breast cancer at 57 years of age and my father is again battling cancer that is genetic, I need to be pro-active with my health. After my dad's genetic testing, the oncologist told him to inform all three of us kids about the results so we could take preventative measures of our own.

Presently, my dad is battling Malignant Fibrous Histiocytoma. My mother had been tested by M.D. Anderson and the cancer was not a genetic variation, but my dad's genetic testing made him very sad. Of course, all of us have something awry in our body, whether we are aware of it, or not. But, since my father is adopted and never knew his birth family, the lack of medical history is problematic.

Here I am with my first grand-baby, Coraline and my grandmother.
My grand-mother is now a great-great-grandmother to Coraline.
In the back is my Uncle Billy, my oldest daughter - Heather, and
my father who is having to wear a medical mask that he pulled
down for this photo. That baby makes him a first time great-
grand-father. I treasure these moments.

After considering my parents' cancer history, my doctor order the Brach-Analysis test for me. I took the test a few weeks ago, and I have been waiting a long time for the results. Of course, the chain reaction of such results is both nerve-wracking and beneficial. I have two daughters, so if I show the gene for these familial cancers, then I will have to inform my daughters of their high-risk predisposition for cancer, as well as my sister.

A few weeks ago, here we are in Fort Worth. There's my daughter
Heather, me, my sister Robin, my youngest daughter Stefanie
and my youngest niece Shaye. We had a ball!

As for the needed hysterectomy, if I show a genetic predisposition for cancer, then the surgeon is likely to remove as much as possible during the hysterectomy to reduce my risk, especially since I have tumors in the uterus and in an ovary, most likely benign, but this area needs attention because the tumors have become large enough to create visible abdominal swelling, and according to my doctor, the swelling is equivalent to an early pregnancy belly.

We all have problems, but I don't like this new challenge. The health battles have been enormous and never-ending. It becomes tiring. However, I keep fighting back and doing all I can to see better days. But, let me get this straight, I still have INCREDIBLE days.

My brother, dad, me and my sister.
This was taken the week after Christmas.

Overall, I will most certainly feel better after surgery since the complications of this condition cause significant pain, swelling, and constant bleeding that leads to anemia. 

Anyway, I never stop LIVING. Life is to be LIVED! I break my days down into "moments." I might have bad "moments" in the morning, but the afternoon might be filled with GREAT "moments" and find me feeling great! So, I never say, "My day is ruined," or "This has been a bad day," because rarely is there a day without goodness. Besides, there is always something you can find to do that is enjoyable, even if your body is not cooperating fully.

Here I am playing the piano...something I love to do and that
gives me a sense of fulfillment, yet it takes little energy.

My quality of life is improved because of the move out of the city. It's been a challenge with MAJOR changes to our daily lives, but I savor this life on our rural acreage.

Taking a walk through the woods.

Going from the Greater Houston area to a home with no neighbors in sight is a big change. So many of our family and friends have been baffled by this deep desire to live in the country, especially with my health issues, but I am not a person who lets fear rule my days. If I am going to be sitting at home on a regular basis, I'd rather do that sitting in an environment that is soothing and fun.

Of course, I'm not able to get outside every day, but the time I am outdoors is filled with wonderful fun that feeds my spirit!

Yesterday, I planted seeds in pots so they can get a head-start for transplanting into the main vegetable garden. I played outside with the dogs, throwing the ball too many times to count. I hand-spread Rye seed over approximately three acres of land, and I enjoyed every step I took.

Every day is a new adventure. Granted, I might not feel too adventurous each day, but the adventure is eagerly waiting for me outside my front door, and that makes me feel great! For me, being in nature is my calling...it's free, it's beautiful, and it's ever-changing. Also, nature responds to our treatment...when nurtured, it gives you gifts, such as flowers or veggies.

All around me, I see and feel God's presence. I think that God is gracious to give us such free beauty to remind us that all things have a cycle...nothing stays the same. That proof can provide hope in every situation.

More than ever, I appreciate the forest, especially because of the extra stress in life.
So, I will again try to share both the good and the bad of life, which includes living compatibly with Addison's disease.

# 142 - A Condensed Life

It's been a while since I've written in this blog. Over the past few months we've been overwhelmed with moving from the city to the country. Our lives have drastically changed, for the better. However, the change has not come without huge sacrifices.

We sold our home in the Greater Houston area that was almost 3,000 square feet and came to the acreage we've owned since our kids were small, temporarily living in an RV until we can decide upon a homesite and finalize our house plans.

Each step along the way is tedious, expensive, hard-work, and nerve-wracking because we must make every little decision. In the city, every little thing is taken care of for you. But, that's also part of the big fun of living in the country, it's one adventure after another.

In Texas, it gets very hot in August. As for my Addison's disease management, that can be difficult. Since we've had back to back happenings for months that are highly stressful, it can take a toll. Last week, I fell down the stairs of our new deck that has been built against our RV. The pain that it caused from the bruise of my hip bone and spine became a problem for my Addison's --- round and round we go during times like these.

Increasing my Hydrocortisone dosages helped. Somewhat.

When I have things happen, such as this fall, I tend to withdraw and need more time to myself, as if I need to cope with my struggle, in privacy.

However, for some reason, I am going through a phase of needing extra solitude in my life. Perhaps it's because I have come to a close of raising two daughters --- twenty-five years of solid parental involvement wiped me out a tad. Even though the day to day parenting duties have faced, we have a lot of wonderful things happening right now...my niece came to stay for a week long visit with us in the country, my oldest daughter and her husband are expecting their first baby within days, which will be my first grandbaby,

and my youngest daughter just graduated from college on August 9th.

Life has been jam-packed with event after event for months.

I am so excited that my oldest daughter, Heather, is about to become a mother, but I do get this deep sadness at knowing the distance we live from each other will make seeing our her and our grandbaby more difficult.

...we all have our daily responsibilities and my husband's job is demanding. That's the way life goes.

And to be going through the pain that my fall down the stairs has caused makes me feel physically and emotionally drained. I'm a gal who pushes past the pain to get things done; I've been through some major physical ordeals that included some of the highest levels of pain a person can endure, but I still feel down and out when I have an added hurdle, such as this fall that is causing this nagging hip pain. I feel a bit bummed out because today it appears that I took a downturn into the land of hurt again; I am beginning to realize that my hip is more injured than I wanted to believe. It frustrates me.

Regardless, the excitement over all the changes in our lives at this time is immense, but the difficulty that comes with making a massive leap into country life is a definite stressor. And sadly, less than a month after our move to the peaceful country, my husband's 22 year old nephew was brutally murdered, on Father's Day. That tragedy, along with my dad's ongoing cancer battle that includes multiple rounds of chemo for a cancer that is known for unfavorable statistics has often found me fighting deep sadness.

In a direct effort to bring balance into my life and to push away the pain that life can bring, some evenings, if my husband is at work, I do whatever I can outside, usually something with my plants or with landscaping.

To get me going, I turn on some music. Our RV has a great outdoor speaker system, so I put on Country Classics and experience great nostalgia to go along with the making of a few new memories.

I listen to some of my favorite old country songs while I sing to the trees using a broom stick as a microphone to join Loretta Lynn, and I might even dance a bit on the deck. Mostly, I feel free and wonderful.

No matter what, I am still in disbelief that we actually left the city and moved to the rural country.

I will keep trying to enjoy and to savor every good moment that life can provide or that I can produce with a good attitude as I also confront hard things in life.

Sometimes we have to live on purpose --- not just wander through life, we have to do things on purpose to give us balance. I'm working on that a bit more right now. It's what we all must do, live as best we can, always trying to counteract the hard times with a bit of beauty and joy. Thank God that He gives me plenty of both beauty and joy to focus upon.

# 141 - The Country Agrees with Me!

Lately, the difficulty of aching joints and bone pain seems to be my main complaint. Some days it's not so bad, but others pound my body with deep aches that restrict my movements on a remarkable level. Thankfully, I have a team of physicians who understand the criss-cross-complications I have from multiple conditions, so I was prepared with medications to keep pain at a minimum and to help muscles relax and I have been helped by a medication that promotes SLEEP.

Lately, I've needed to stay on a medication regiment so that I can have days that demonstrate I'm at my best. Sometimes the medication helps to keep us on track, as best as possible.

This is important to me, to stay on track, because my husband and I finally made a big change. We sold our house in the Greater Houston area and have moved to our acreage in Livingston, Texas...a rural community a couple of hours outside of Houston.

Leaving our city neighborhood for the last time, three weeks ago.

We've owned our land since our daughters were younger, but could never move there because I was more concerned with staying close to city life, but I'm not sure that was the right path. However, my daughters have turned out to be responsible, intelligent, degreed, loving young women, so something we did was right FOR THEM. The balance of city life and country life worked for all of us.

However, now it's just me and Sgt. Dave --- so we figured it's time to move to the country because we don't have to worry about school districts or the neighborhood pool or biking trails; we are just worrying about the two of us building our new life in the country so that we can enjoy being grand-parents who have wide open spaces for the kids to enjoy!

But, the changes have been difficult. The move was very stressful, both emotionally and physically. Also, the schedule changes we are experiencing add more stress because we had grown rather inflexible, but the distance into Houston from our rural acreage is significant, so this changes our orderly schedule.

I'm in the sun more often and on those days, I must remember to be careful because HC can make your skin more sensitive and prone to burn.

And another issue with moving to the country can be the complication that comes with simply becoming distracted by all the fun I am having and forgetting to take a dose of my HC or to increase my HC to meet the higher level of physical output.

A good thing is that the week we were leaving the Houston area, there was a nasty, fast-spreading stomach bug making its rounds about the Houston area and it created projectile vomiting and sickness that lasted about three days. It was passing from person to person rather quickly. Good thing, I got out of the city limits and farther away into the depths of the country and have been in the clear, so far, of this bug that has been making its rounds. These are the times when you are grateful to be living in a rural area with your closest noisemaker being a woodpecker!

Living in a nice RV over this next year as we construct a cabin in the woods feels like an interesting adventure, but I'm up for it! I'm enjoying every moment, from the ground up! And here is Sgt. Dave's new "gameroom!"

As for my overall health, I do feel as if moving to the country suits me very well. I have the usual aches and pains that come with Addison's disease and with having a prior broken neck with cervical spine reconstruction and other major issues, but the ability to step outside and to stroll around the property seems to be good for me. I feel rejuvenated. My spirit feels renewed as I listen to the wind blowing through the trees and hear the birds singing their songs...it feels so simple, yet powerful to be tucked into the arms of nature.

My new view --- this is peaceful!

So, I guess over the next couple of years, we'll see how it goes. As for my emergency services, sometime over the next month, I will be going to meet with the local EMT's to discuss my rare disease and how the emergency injection is usually not carried on the bus, but that I have it on hand with instructions, just in case. I need the local crew to understand the reality of having a patient on their route who has Addison's disease and to go over a few details, so that, in the event, a bad situation occurs, they have already reviewed my condition and will be better prepared to confront the woman with the "weird" disease that might one day need immediate intervention for continued survival.

Meanwhile, I am grateful to God that He gave us this opportunity to be in the country. We've been married for over 26 years and have had this land for more than half our marriage. Making a new life for ourselves in the country is a dream of ours. About three weeks ago, we sold our massive two-story house, near 3,000 square feet, in the city, and now we're temporarily living in an RV over the next year as we begin to build our cabin in the woods.

Everything has changed.

It's easier to do the things that are necessary because you are enjoying the best of life while in between. Being on this land is motivating to both my husband and I to keep going and to keep making a difference so that we develop a wonderful family farm for generations to enjoy.

Having Addison's seems like such a small thing to deal with right now and I like that! I love the fact that we have major tasks in front of us, every day, and those tasks keep us distracted from some of the more ugly details of life that aren't such fun to face.

My quality of life is much improved by living in the country.

Every moment I enjoy in the country is magnified by the fact that I never have to live in the congested city again.

Thank you Lord!

# 140 - Tug of War is Necessary

I've seen so many people live with chronic health issues, from cancer to diabetes to Addison's disease or heart disease and their lives take a daily detour for medications, rest, exercise, treatments, testing and other acts that might be different from the "normal" person.

Living with a serious medical condition might mean you have good days mixed in with a lot of bad days. It might mean that you must go to the doctor frequently or that you have to take medicine on a regiment.

For me, I see three of my regular docs every four months, at least. In between my appointments, I try to stay on schedule with my medications and do what I can to live as healthy as possible. That means that some days I am full of boundless energy while other days find me pulling the covers over my head because I feel as if I cannot deal with the regular activities involving the world.

On some days, my body might be having such low blood pressure that it takes all my energy to simply get to the bathroom and back on my own --- my appetite disappears and I might feel extremely nauseated while struggling to not be pulled under this wave of low blood pressure. I take my stress doses, but this disease can really knock you on your butt.

Last month, I was speaking with my dad about fighting illness. I'm feeling rather sad that my father is now fighting his second round of cancer since my mom died from cancer seven years ago.

I'd like for cancer to disappear in a poof of smoke so we could all cheer and celebrate

Easter, me and my dad facing the bright Texas Sun, me with
confetti left-over in my hair. Dad was able to shake the confetti
straight out of all that hair of his.

Since we're having to fight cancer by known methods, my dad finally had no more unexpected delays and was able to have the port surgically installed in his chest that will be used for Chemo treatments. My dad is doing his best to deal with his recent diagnosis of this second cancer that is extremely aggressive, but the prospect of all he's about to confront can be rather daunting.

Of all times for us to be selling our house and planning to move! I feel compelled to get a little apartment on the outskirts of town so I can be closer to my father. Where is our organization fairy to keep this move on track? Oh, I guess I am that Fairy --- I'm on volunteer duty and do not have wings nor do I sparkle.

I tell you the same thing I told my dad...some illnesses play with you. One day they visit and do their best to knock you around, the next day they leave you alone. Some illnesses hit your hard, others make a slow-fizz approach before it slams you down.

Sometimes, you must realize the condition is pulling on you and tugging you toward a life you don't want to embrace...you do your best to live well and to not make this disease the center of your world, but the disease pulls and pulls, trying to wear down your resolve. I say, PICK UP YOUR END and  do all you can to get back what you've lost, so pull and don't let go!

Easter weekend...a positive tug in the health
battle to capture as many wonderful moments
as possible, in spite of ongoing health battles.

The Tug-of-War with your health can be quite challenging, but try to stay in the game. Take it day by day, one day, you might be on the losing end of the battle and other days, you might end on top of the world as a champion...and the other days, in between, when you can tug back and re-gain some ground, do it and be pleased to have not lost ground.

Savor your wins, enjoy keeping your ground and when the bad days hit, get rested to regain your strength. In addition, don't forget your mental health!!! Direct your mind toward healthy thoughts and keep a good perspective.

If you experience a low moment, go through it as quickly as possible, then get back on track with self-talk that is positive and geared toward successful self-fulfilling prophecy. Often, our mind and our words help to create the existence we believe we are worthy to receive.

Challenge yourself to start thinking simple improved thoughts, such as, "I deserve a non-cluttered bedroom" or I am going to find ten things to smile about today because I'm grateful for the good things in the midst of hard times.

Work on PRESERVING your sweetness and showing your GOODNESS and protect your innocence. Stay as mentally prepared as possible for the next Tug-of-War battle that will come.

I'm telling myself that I am confronting the unknown, in so many areas of my life, but I am expecting the best case scenarios to eventually come through. And at each bit of good news that comes my way or bit of shining arrow pointing the way to goodness, I am thrilled. All those tug of wars have been worthwhile and I'll keep fighting the good fight, for as long as I can.