Thursday, March 10, 2011

#43 - Lies or Authentic Life...

A particular topic has caught my attention lately. Lies. For most people, this is a topic that resonates with them on some level. We have either had foul experiences after being lied to or have been caught in an uncomfortable "white lie" situation - most likely both at one time or another. Hopefully, the experience has left us with a lasting impression that will make us a better person. Better yet, it is awesome when this impression is made at a very early age so that adulthood can be lived authentically instead of on a fabricated level.

Most of us know a habitual liar or two. The problem is...their character is severely tainted by their lies. Eventually, lies have a nasty little habit of being revealed. Sometimes lies are revealed by our own doing...if the person is simply covering up their true feelings and then an outburst has them spewing their real thoughts and ideas, then the truth has managed to finally wiggle out. Anger can have us saying ugly things, but it can also push us to finally speak truths. This is why it is great for young people to date each other for an extended period of truths can be revealed as the newness wears off. Anyone can keep up false personalities for sporadic periods of time or for short bursts here and there. Interestingly, lies can be discovered by a "sloppy" liar who leaves accidentally-on-purpose clues that question whether they were taking the chicken way out to get the truth into the open. Some liars are continuing with their life of lies while thinking the people around them are fooled, but often the people who are regularly around the liar are so accustomed to the liar's tarnished character that it is no longer a surprise; those liars are especially good at lying to themselves about thinking they've gotten away with their nasty deeds.

I believe in doing our best to live authentically, and this means being honest with yourself and with others. There are liars who are too deep into this lifestyle that they can no longer decipher a truth from a lie within themselves. A consequence...lying creates a fragmented life. Little separate realities are created by each lie and all of the untruths result in their divided loyalties. Liars are loyal to no one but themselves. As universal, spiritual justice and repercussions should have it, lies will soon boomerang. Sooner or later, the liar will be burdened by the multiplying efforts required to maintain the naturally expanding feature of lies. Once started, a lie often becomes an uncontrollable beast that turns its ugly, vicious head on its creator.

However, the sad part is the deceivers are most often left in the wreckage of what began as "harmless" lies that have magnified and multiplied. The one(s) deceived will feel betrayed, manipulated and purposefully disregarded. They will be angered about the lies because it will be difficult to distinguish the start and end of the lying process. They will be angered at the one they trusted, the one who misled them into making decisions that would certainly not have been the same, if the truth had been revealed. The depth of the impact upon the deceived is almost impossible to determine. The damage can run deep. So, a person's lies can create many fractured lives --- not just their own elected fractured life supported by lies, but a chain reaction of those impacted. Liars frequently thrive on their exciting secrets, but they end up being pulled in a thousand directions because of complicated lie-maintenance and fear of exposure, hence the boomerang effect. This kind of lifestyle can be quite burdensome and cowardly.

With Addison's Disease/Adrenal Insufficiency, we must do our best to live in peaceful, positive surroundings, in spite of the every day frustrations and irritations that loved ones can cause one another. Those kinds of stresses are inevitable; we all must be patient and understanding with each other when we are faulty. That is definitely a two-way street, even though we might sometimes feel as if we're the only one putting up with the other person's "crap." Usually, it is a mutual issue, so this is where the beauty of a good relationship comes into play. Each person is lenient and forgiving of these tension filled sentences and harsh tones or when your partner walks out of the room in the middle of you talking...I could go on all day with pet peeves of mine and my friends through the years. However, the core of your support system should be loyal, protective and mindful that you are as tolerant with their irritations as they are of yours. Still, there are so many torn relationships when someone takes their own selfish frustrations too far.

The older I get and the longer I've dealt with this condition, the more aware I become of how my acceptance of other's in my life affects my health. If you have destructive personalities around you, then you probably should limit their influence upon you because adrenal gland issues do involve emotional and physical stresses having an impact on our bodies. It is not only physical stresses we should be concerned about. Emotional stresses have definite physical ramifications and that might boil down to trouble managing prompted adrenal problems due to needless stress. Please know this...just because you have a disease does not mean you are less worthy or less deserving of good relationships. So, I go on about being impacted by a life of lies...

Convincing themselves that the lies are to "protect" a loved one or to make their life "easier" are ways the liar builds a temporary barrier to actually protect themselves from exposure. A liar does not do anyone a favor by lying, especially when the lie is actually intended to make their fractured life more comfortable and acceptable for them to be able to look in the mirror.

Having one's character diminished by lies is not a trivial matter. Also, breaking a loved one's trust is an irrevocable mistake because loyalty will be broken. We all know that anything that is broken is never the same as when it was whole. What so many people fail to realize is that authentic loyalty is freely given, yet once it is lost by lies, it cannot be regained by any price. The best that can be "bought" is shallow connections that are essentially meaningless. Lies unravel the best of the best. Lies can make a mighty powerful person destroy rare, valuable relationships. Even the person that the liar thought would never abandon them can be emotionally disconnected on a permanent basis by the liar's own doing. What is there to salvage when a relationship has been built on lies?

With the growing temptations of today's highly technological world, a liar may feel more comfortable in their secret dealings that sometimes require a lie in order to continue. We have the internet, email, cell phones and all kinds of methods that can be used to temporarily hide another part of our fractured life. But, remember, there will be a price to pay. In the end, it may be much more than you can afford to release. Every separated little life created by lies will eventually converge. Playing games with the lives and trust of other people is truly no game. If you are lying to someone you supposedly love, please stop. I am speaking out about this because I am seeing it everywhere and it's becoming too common place. We should not be complacent about this topic because we are very capable of living authentically. Finding the strength to be authentic, to be a person with integrity, to be honest in your words and actions takes a truthful spirit. Sadly, not all adults grow up, some elect to remain in a pre-adolescent pretend world.

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