# 107 - Taking Deep Breaths in the Country

Life is changing for me and I'm so happy because these are some good changes that are taking place. For a few years, I've sure been accustomed to changes, but usually those were on the tough end.

I have learned to adapt to changes in my body, such as ribs being removed, my spine being partially rebuilt with industrialized parts, my body being patched together with amazing animal bits, and every step along the way has been difficult. The challenges are immense and too numerous to detail. 

So, I'm ready for some changes that will be full of fun and exciting challenges. There will always be moments of hardship for us to confront, but it sure will be a bit more joyful to do it while surrounded by beauty in nature.

There have been many, many times that I've been cooped up at home. I can tell you that I'd rather be cooped up in a farm house as I sit on my expansive front porch overlooking acreage than I would being cooped up in an expensive house in the suburbs that's tightly packed in with the neighbors.

For me, I seem to absorb healing powers from nature. I can't even describe this uncanny fact, but it's been very true for me since I was a child. Each time I've confront a huge hurdle in life, I've headed for the country and its restorative powers. Being able to sit and listen to the trees rustle in the wind, the birds sing and the frogs croak appears to work wonders for my health, not to mention my psyche.

I look forward to that front porch and to having a nice deck.

Yes, it will be great to be surrounded by less concrete, fewer bricks, a bit less noise and a lot more of nature. A few more deep breaths will be possible once I'm in the country, and I'm definitely ready for some slow, relaxed, deep breathing.

For me, I feel like living in the country is kind of like being able to enjoy an extended soaker tub break or a good vacation or kind of like getting a deep tissue massage. It's always been that way for me.

And since I've been packing up as many of our belongings as possible in preparation for our move to the country, I'm ready to start taking those deep breaths about now.

Ahhhh, haaaaa.

# 106 - Living it Up --- With a Plan

Since Addison's took up residency in my body, I've found that the little cold that had once been a pain in my rear had become a serious drag to confront, even with stress doses. It appears that it takes me longer to kick a cold and my body becomes much more run down, for a more extended period of time than it once had in my pre-Addison's days.

I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that when I get around someone with a bad cold, I instantly head the other direction. I take steps to protect myself. Of course, we can't always avoid germs, but I do my best to keep them from latching onto me. I am kind and understanding to the other person's discomfort and suffering, but I have surely learned to put my health first and this has helped me to stabilize my health to a large degree. You must be proactive and not feel bad for taking care of your health. If we're down and out, we often need the help of others, so it's better to be careful to not let yourself be exposed to too much risk.

Regardless, the past two weeks has been a tough one because I came down with a terrible cold that has been hard to shake. However, this time around, it did not develop into pneumonia. For the past few years, I have had pneumonia 1-2 times per winter season and it lasts for up to three months as we try to battle it with various strong anti-biotics.

So, I made it through 2011 without getting pneumonia, and I am throwing a little celebration party for myself at this second. Okay, I'm finished.

My long-time doctor is finding that Addison's makes it tough to combat bacteria in my body, and I will automatically need a longer anti-biotic dosing regiment. It's great that he takes careful notes and makes judicious observations on how to best treat my ailments while considering the Addison's part of the equation.

But, the worst part of being worn down physically for me is the emotional drag that comes with it. A person just can't be happy-go-lucky when they are battling an obvious sickness. It gets you down when you don't have the energy or the strength or the wellness to do the things you want to do each day. If someone disagrees, then maybe they should be a ra-ra cheerleader themselves during the flu ---  I'm talking authentic flu, not a 48-hour crude bug --- I don't think they'd do such a good job of putting on the cheer as their joints feel like they're going to explode. When you have Addison's/Adrenal Insufficiency combined with an illness...it can feel as if you are trying to pick yourself up after the Addison's-Mac-Truck has run you down and keeps backing up to make extra tire marks.

Sometimes, when I am sick, the only thing that I can do well is get lots of rest. Usually, when I'm not feeling well, I am still content because I simply spend extra time blogging here on this site and on my Farm Life lessons blog.

To be honest, I focus heavily on my other blog because it takes me away from the drudgery of having a disease that impacts all areas of my life.

For those of your who don't read my other blog, we are moving to the country. It's a huge move for us because we live in a greater metropolitan area...just outside of Houston, Texas. Our acreage is expansive, beautiful, forested and rural. We've owned it since the girls were young. We purchased it the year I became sick with Addison's disease.

Me and my two daughters on our land, at our lake.

I've had so many people in my family and so many friends tell me that they are terrified that I'm moving out there, especially with this condition. But, I do not live in fear. Also, I am usually prepared for emergencies, but living in the country will heighten my level of preparation...I plan to:

1. Personally visit the local EMS group and to discuss my rare disease and its treatment during a crisis, sort of like an introduction to the local gal on one of her good days and while she can maintain consciousness to have a decent conversation. I hope to not have to call EMS, but I need them to know my regular state of health can wildly fluctuate.

2. Tape an emergency kit with injection and instructions at the back door.

3. Keep walkie-talkie radios on us at all times as we are several acres apart during the day, we do this now during our visits to our property.

4. Keep my cell phone on me at all times and I already have 911 set on speed dial as "#1" to make it even easier to dial.

5. We plan to make our land easily accessible for emergency vehicles and direction signs for the land marked out with novelty signs so that if I am possibly at a distance from the house, they can still find me with relative ease.

6. Maintain a routine of daily check-in phone calls or texts to keep the husband's worry at bay.

Last week while on our land.

As for the EMS in the country, they are great. Here at my house, if I take an ambulance to the hospital, there are just a few hospitals that I'd allow myself to be taken due to reputation concerns that are valid. With Houston's traffic, constant intersections and construction, any ambulance ride to downtown will take at least 30 minutes. From our land to the nearest hospital that is worth visiting, it will take about 40 minutes. If I let them take me to the local hospital in Livingston, it would only take about 25 minutes.

But, my point is...the difference in the ambulance ride is not staggering. Yes, it's a few minutes, but if I address my condition with aggressive treatment at home and know when to call 911, then I should have an advantage during a crisis episode.

Most importantly, I do feel as if moving away from the chemical-laden air from the refineries surrounding our home will be healthy for me. Breathing in country air is always a delight.

And being in the country environment does miraculous wonders for my emotional and physical well-being. We will also have room to grow a massive vegetable garden, so I know that I will be eating better and better while living in the country. I plan to also learn to can our veggies and process our own meat...to be raised organically.

Regardless, there is something healing, calming, nurturing and delightful, to me, about being in the country. I adhere to the saying, "If you want to get closer to God, get closer to nature." That about sums up my feelings with country living.

My family and friends do not realize that living in the city does not lessen the dangers associated with Addison's. Day by day, it is a disease that requires personal vigilance so that I can make it to the next day and be feeling good. I won't be afraid to go on vacation or to travel here or there simply because of this disease. I am cautious. I am prepared. But, I am also enjoying and savoring every good day that comes my way.

Soon, I'll be enjoying more of those days in the country. I can't wait.

#81 - Chicken Fun at Home

This is what I do for fun these days...enjoy the chickens. I've become a city backyard farmer. We have seven chickens, well...two of them ended up being roosters. But, they are delightful and entertaining and sometimes scary. I love learning every day about chickens...here's one of my lessons caught on video.

#77 - Good Times

This past weekend was wonderful. I made it to my husband's brother's house for a beautiful afternoon visiting with a family that I've known since I was about 15 years old.

I looked around and found myself giggling to myself at how we're all getting older. I'm the youngest out of the bunch, at 43 years of age, as of this month, yet I've had incredible health problems. Still, I am joyful and full of happy bubblings within me. Most often, I am in a lot of pain, but I've learned to push it aside with the distraction of life. Some days it's easier than others. It makes me think about how we have to FIGHT our yucky labels.

Most people, even my doctors, tell me that they'd never imagine I'd look so vibrant after all of my health issues. Every time I'm in the hospital, I get a new doctor here or there walking through the door of my room and they end up with a shocked expression after they see me --- they start fumbling through my chart to make sure they are looking at the right patient. Then, I get the comments about how they just learned a valuable lesson about the mistake of pre-determining how a patient should look based upon their chart. A person's condition might not dictate their appearance. Some people can wear the mask well. The same goes for the opposite truth, a person may be as healthy as the sun, but they might look like a walking disaster.


My husband and I catching a shot together.

As I sat there visiting with my husband's family, I realized that each of us has faced big hurdles; we all make an interesting bunch. There was a brief moment, in the middle of us all telling jokes and sharing stories that I had to fight back a secret tear of realization that even though we each have struggled, we are here, and we are laughing.

The two sisters share a May birthday. We're there to celebrate!

I've faced imminent death too many times and have been under the knife for serious surgeries, more than I can count, but I'm here. One brother-in-law of mine has had cancer, a skin cancer that was surgically removed early, Thank God! Another brother-in-law has had back surgeries and does his best to keep moving forward. One of us in the group had a hip and knee replacement right around the age of 40. A good friend sitting with us has gone through her husband committing suicide last summer and the list goes on and on. Still, we sit together and find every reason imaginable to laugh and to celebrate life with each other.

In May I began another blog to balance this one. My Addison's disease has been life-changing for me. I've been sharing my experiences about the past ten years that I've lived with this condition. Addison's disease has complicated my life, it is not always easy. So, I decided to write with raw honesty about my daily life to hopefully let others know that they are not alone in their battles. My journey in Finding Lana was underway in a huge way. But, as the months of writing about Addison's passed by, I found that I needed to give myself some balance and freedom to write about the other part of my life...the part that keeps me motivated to move through difficult days. So, I write about our experiences on our acreage. Having land to cultivate and to prepare for our future home and farm is exciting and rewarding.


David "solving" the Rubics Cube.

Since we live just outside of Houston and have worked in the Houston area for most of our lives, we are city people through and through. To contrast this life, our acreage is a couple of hours outside of Houston and is smack in the middle of wooded forest...wilderness. The difference between our weekday way of life and our weekend way of life is huge. So, I decided to write about these experiences that are most often humorous in a wacky sort of way.

My brother-in-law Mark's family. Beautiful.

Hence, www.FarmLifeLessons.blogspot.com has become another outlet for the weird, funny happenings in my life. This blog reveals a lighter side to my little corner of the world and it helps to remind me that my Addison's disease is not my boss!

And, no, I don't smoke or drink, but I sure do love a lot of people who do!

Come visit me any time at the other blog and if you know anything at all about farming, I sure hope you share your knowledge with us!

#62 - Can You Tell?

There have been times when I have had an Addisonian Crisis hit me so strong, from a sitting position, that I can barely hold my head up and cannot keep my eyes open. Sitting on the sofa, I cannot say a word to convey my predicament, and I suddenly cannot get up to do anything about it. It can hit like a lightening bolt and leave me trapped in my body like a ragdoll.

Everyone is busy doing their own thing. My husband is outside in the backyard. Leaning back on the sofa, I am sinking further into my skin as my blood pressure plummets further and prevents my body from being able to yell, scream, or shout for help. These are moments you know this disease is deadly serious. It's not about how "strong" you are or how it "never can happen" to you...it's about this disease randomly showing its ugly teeth and holding you in its relentless grip.

As my husband walks through the backdoor, I try to open my eyes and to make a sound, but my body is already in the depths of an Addison's Crisis; I am drowning. Barely, I see him stride past me with purpose as he glances over at me. Little do I know, at the time, he thinks I've simply laid back for a little catnap. He has no idea that I am IN THERE SCREAMING for him to realize that this isn't a moment of resting my eyes. This is life or death; I can feel my life dangling, but I cannot force my body to do something it has forgotten all about. I am swallowed up.

Lying there captive to my own body, I finally realize that all my internal combat will not do me any good. All it will do is cause me to sink further away, at a faster rate. So, I quit trying to open my eyes, I quit trying to struggle against the natural course that my body has unnaturally followed. I drift off. Now, when my husband passes by and sees me napping, I am truly knocked out, but not by choice. Somehow, I let go and by God's grace, so far I've always been able to slowly start finding my way back.

As soon as my body will function on a slight level, I stumble upward to get to my emergency dose. Taking it, I relax until it kicks in and then I find myself a new woman. A sort of rebirthing process has silently taken place and I can't help but rejoice for the new beginning I've been given.

Later, after I tell my husband that I had been in an Addisonian Crisis as he strolled past me in the living room, he is thoroughly upset.

He asks me why didn't I tell him?
Well, I could not communicate.

He asks why I didn't take a stress dose sooner?
Well, if I'd known an Addisonian Crisis was going to kick in so rapidly, as I was sitting down, I would have flown into action...there were no typical warning signs this time around.

Then, he makes the most disturbing question of all...
How could he have walked past me and not have known that I was in crisis?
Well, a person napping does not look as if they are in a struggle, they look as if they are peacefully sleeping.

My husband has found this part of being a partner to an Addisonian most difficult. The times he looks at me and thinks all is well, then discovers I am in crisis mode is very unsettling. There is not always a flailing, a physical drama of indicating there is a crisis underway, there is usually an absence of the shout "get the stress dose!" and there is often no cut and dry warning signal to make this disease easy to live with.

This past weekend, on our land, I had been through a night in the 40's without heat and in the morning I went into crisis. The main problem was that I was in a tent, my husband was a couple hundred feet away and I had gone so far down as to be encased in brain fog. However, my body was still somewhat awkwardly operational, yet not fully cooperative. I had managed to get outside the tent and to take a seat and to feel the increasing warmth from the sun. He walked over and sat in the chair next to me and began talking.

Suddenly, I felt like passing out. I knew my body would not remain in a sitting position for long, so I suddenly tried standing up to make it back inside the tent and to my medicine. I'd already taken an early morning dose of Hydrocortisone, but knew I needed more. I literally jumped up to move to the tent fast because my body was about to go into another state of existence, I've already learned that there is a point when my body separates from my mind and that is when the body simply won't cooperate, per a typical Addison's Crisis.

Yes, I was in a rush to beat the crisis from taking hold. My husband gave me a strange look and stood to help. He put his arm around me and it was then that he realized I was having trouble taking steps and that my body was shaking with weakness. In the tent, I immediately reached for the Hydrocortisone and gave myself another huge stress dose. I knew I would be okay; I had gotten there in time and just needed to relax. Meanwhile, my husband had gone to my purse to get my emergency injection. He was shaken from sitting so close to me and not realizing that I was going into a crisis. I wish to have grown purple spots from head to toe so it would have been clearly evident, but that's not how this works. He can't beat himself up over it, such is life with an Addisonian. It can be a roller-coaster for those of us on the dark side of the wide spectrum of affliction.

That afternoon he told me that every person who lives with an Addisonian should realize that the signs of crisis might be non-existent to outsiders. At times, it can indeed be clear that there is a problem, but during that initial phase of slipping into the crisis it might be subtle and without a neon sign and foghorn directing attention to the problem. This man knows me. I've been married to him for nearly 25 years, but this disease is like a sly fox. It can sneak up on the person with the disease and surely fool onlookers, even medical doctors. This is why it can be difficult to treat. A person in crisis going into an emergency room does not always look as if they are in the right place. Medical staff who do not understand Addison's cannot comprehend that a quiet, healthy-looking person can be fast approaching death. Unfortunately, that is often how it works.

There are people with Addison's who never experience a full-blown crisis, then there are others who know all too well how it works and they take every imaginable precaution, but this disease is not always so easy to manage. You might be doing everything perfectly, but I have learned a hard lesson to share...life is not perfect and Addison's is not a disease that can necessarily be "tamed" by a regiment. There are variables in life and these can sometimes wake the Addison's monster.

Do all you can to avoid a crisis, but try to communicate an oncoming problem with those in your family. On that cold morning this past weekend, my brain was already wavy and the synapses were firing slow and muffled, so I could not communicate to my husband what I did not clearly understand myself. However, whenever possible, just say, "I am having trouble," or something to simply alert those around you that there is a potential issue arising. If you are like me, you hate to call attention to yourself and you prefer to handle these things on your own to spare those around you from being a nursemaid, but sometimes you must be able to wave the red flag.

I'd like to say that I could've done something better or different this past Sunday morning as my husband stood in shock and realized that my body was stumbling and going into jerky motions because of Addison's. Not letting my body become so taxed by the cold would have been a great start, but there I was. Life happens. I was very fast in taking my meds, my second dose that morning, so I was making adjustments, but it was still scary for him to witness after he'd been sitting next to me so peacefully, only to discover his nightmare had been in silent action.

At least I wasn't to the "napping" stage while we were in the middle of wilderness. But, if that does happen in your situation too, I guess family members could walk over to their Addisonian loved one and pull open an eyelid while asking, "Are you asleep or are you in trouble?" If there isn't a response or if there is a garbled answer, well then, the answer is clear and action can be taken. Of course, this might get irritating over the years, but it just might save a life or two.

Beautiful bulb flowers we found growing wild on our land. What are they?

#51 - On the Farm with Addison's

Having a rare disease that might require emergency life-saving treatment is not so scary when you are surrounded by people who understand the procedures for urgent response to help you through an Addisonian Crisis. But, being in the middle of "no where" and much farther away from the possibility of a fast response requires you to carefully put in a plan of action to protect yourself.

I decided to write about all of this because it is exactly what an Addison's/Adrenal Insufficiency patient should consider when tackling changes such as moving to a farm. Contemplating worst case scenarios can truly help you prepare to avoid the worst. Considering all angles will save you precious brain power when an emergency strikes. Developing a plan of action will hopefully result in less surprises and better coping skills because of rehearsed preparedness.


Cleaning & trimming hooves.

All of this is heavy on my mind right now, especially after we visited a friend's farm this past weekend. She has a goat dairy farm with a lot of chickens. Other items she makes include heavenly goat milk lotion, goat milk soap and goat cheeses. I found the entire farm concept to be very interesting. In fact, I even got an opportunity to milk a goat and found it much easier than I expected.

Look at those smiles!!!!

Frankly, I've never been around goats, beyond a petting zoo experience or at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, so this was new territory for me. As I walked around the field with goats of every size all over the place, I was keenly aware of dangers that might be a nuisance to a "normal" person, but life-threatening to a person with Addison's. The possibility of injury is increased on a farm, unless you have safe practices and a sharp eye and mindset that can stay ahead of any potential problems so they can be avoided.

My current suburb home is within two minutes from a paramedic response team, but our own farmland would be much farther away from any emergency teams. With almost ten acres of land that has major hills, bluffs, a creek and a large 15 acre lake at the back, it would take detailed instruction for a paramedic team to find me quickly. Every time I am on our land, I am aware of this reality. In fact, we cannot even change cell phone carriers because AT&T is the only one who has reception on our land, other cell companies still require us to travel a mile down the road to the closest highway. Our land, located off of a two lane Farm Road is not a priority zone for most carriers, at least not yet. So, I stay with AT&T because the phone is a possible life-line.

The goat cracks me up as she cuddles up inside the metal bucket.

As I walked around the friend's farm this weekend, I could see that I would need to keep emergency medications within access at all times, along with a cell phone. I could envision a call to 911, "You'll find me off the Farm Road, second entrance to our land marked by trellis, take that private road onto the land as far as it will go and I'll be about one acre more beyond the stopping point of the private road in the largest barn." Well, that would be an "easy" version. It makes me realize the importance of having landmarks easily visible for emergency personnel to follow as a guide. I will be working on this angle over the coming year.

With good planning, I intend to maintain control over my own health when an Addisonian Crisis hits and this means keeping emergency meds on me at all times while roving around on the farm. Yes, this is a pain in the rear, but necessary.

As we make our move to live on the land full-time, a process that will take a couple of years, I hope to have a MacDaddy golf-cart so that I can easily access all parts of the land, and I plan on keeping the cart nearby and stocked with an emergency kit to include my emergency injection kit. I certainly don't want to attach a fanny-pack to me all day nor do I want to carry around a back-pack, that is not practical, not when you are with animals who want to nip at anything attached to your clothing.

My husband taking notes about medicines for his goat herd's health.

Before moving to the farm on a full-time basis, I would also visit the local EMS team and provide them with information about my condition and I would inform the local police so they can also have it on file. The great thing about small towns is that you are more likely to be remembered. Instead of 50 families living on my size land, it's just us. The neighbors are spread far apart by a great deal of acreage, so it is easier to know who lives where and to know who is doing what. That's simply how it works. But, since things are more spread apart, it is more critical to get to know your neighbors and your local police, fire-fighters and EMS workers. Safety networking is a smart idea for anyone living in the country.

Part of a friend's small goat farm.

But, I do my best to not let Addison's interfere with my lifestyle. It pushes me and I push right back. Besides, my husband is a livestock man; he finds our land to be his most peaceful and beautiful asset. Together, we look forward to this next exciting phase in our lives and to years of joy as we build our farm. It will take considerable time, but every moment counts.