Tuesday, March 15, 2011

#45 - Good vs. Bad

When battling a chronic serious illness or multiple conditions, you learn to take the good with the bad. More than that, you learn to fully appreciate and savor every good moment. I've found that good times might be fewer and further in between these days because of health struggles that never seem to end, but when the good times do hit they are more powerful and of much higher quality. So, even if the "good" times come less often, our ability to enjoy every simple moment makes our lives filled with significance. Years ago, with a completely healthy body and no physical obstacles, I would sit outside watching the kids play or I'd even run in circles playing with the kids. I thoroughly enjoyed it. However, no matter where I am, when I am around my daughters these days, I absorb every smile, every giggle, every moment of making eye contact from my seat - I really SEE the kids, my kids who are now young adult women.

Another way to describe it for me is like this...It's almost like the start of Addison's disease was the start of putting on a new pair of eyes that magnified every simple beautiful moment. One flower became a massive bouquet. Maybe it's because we've learned to reach out and grab the good times. So often, we become isolated because of our highly personal medical battles and the relationships that actually are strong enough to endure the pressure are sweeter than sweet. After you get a whiff of a bad health scare or constantly live with scary symptoms, then you surely develop a resilient attitude and heightened ability to handle those bad times once they come creeping around.

I am so thankful to have two wonderful daughters who completely love me in spite of my own bad days. We all have bad days. But, having frequent health issues can inevitably make you feel pretty down and out. Those are the bad moments that you try to move past, but sometimes the plummeting blood pressure can't be easily controlled and you end up feeling heavy-hearted and a bit scared. Or, a LOT scared. Interestingly, I've seen so-called  "normal" people experiencing many more "bad" days than those of us with actual opposing, serious symptoms pressing upon us. Being an observer of a life and death battle is one position, but when you are the one constantly in the heat of battles for your own life it can make you battle-worn, yet also deeply impressed by the incredible gift of life. Yes, good and bad are learned to your core.

I have found it to be vastly important to allow myself to be loved by those who truly love me for who I am, whether I am having a good or bad moment. For so many people, having the realities of our body's fragility can serve to remind us of how short life really is and it often bonds us together more thoroughly. We realize that the troubles can actually happen to any one of us, no one on Earth is immune. But, sadly, others crack under the pressure. If anyone gets too detached from you because of your illness, then have pity upon them because they are ignorant to life-changing moments that otherwise "normal" people might suffer, such as heart-attacks, stroke, cancer, tragic accidents or their own little unique disease. Nobody is perfect.
I just have a label attached to my condition.

For those who are struggling, take a moment after reading to close your eyes and to thank everyone in your life who has loved and held you in their heart with unconditional love. Bask in the knowledge that you have felt the power of these people who have been a part of your past and present, savor their influence and connection to your spirit. At this moment, I think of the women in my sister, my daughters and my mother who is gone from this world -- this month marks the 5-year anniversary since she flew from her body into a place with no pain, with love and where time is not determined by a ticking watch. Every moment with these beautiful women, now and always, will be cherished, until it's time for me too to fly into the Heavens and to embrace my incredible mother. I am surrounded by love in the Heavens and here on Earth --- such amazing love for me to return.

My mother, myself, my two daughters while cute "kiddos" and my sister.
Probably around 1997 - gosh!!


  1. Hi Lana! The good is something you appreciate so much more when you go through something like Addison's- for sure! I also have started to realize that the bad moments mostly pass pretty quickly in the scheme of things. I was having a rough morning today, and letting myself get mad and frustrated... but it helps me to remember that mornings like this one don't last forever. :)

    I'm working on writing my Addison's story. I want to write it now that my life now has a sense of normalcy again. Reading your posts gets me thinking back to all that has happened since I was diagnosed. For a long time I was mad and a little bitter that I was not 'normal.' The 'why me?' question drove me crazy, and I didn't know how to adjust to it all. Now that I'm feeling better about 'life with Addison's' lol, I feel like I want to record where I've been.

  2. I am so proud of you Suzanna!!!! It took me way too long to start talking about it outside of my immediate family. I'm sorry you had a rough morning, but you are right about things also being able to turn around fast with Addison's. That's the kicker, it can turn ugly fast or back to beautiful very quickly. The unpredictability of it is what I find difficult. Keep digging - I will be so happy to read your experience and am hoping you can piece it together easier than I can. I start, stop, start, stop and somethings are very difficult to re-visit, but keep trying!!! I am rooting for you and am an avid reader already!
    Lana C. :-)


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